deuce: IN / THE / BUTT
spigot: NO
deuce: IN / THE / BUTT
spigot: SHH
spigot: HORRIBLE HORRIBLE WALNUTS AND PECANS IN MY FUDGE

spigot: WELCOME SPIGOT'S BURGERS!!!!!!!!
spigot: T PANTS DEUCE WILL SQUEEZE THE BURGERS AND EFFIGY WILL GRILL THE BURGERS AND YOU CAN SERVE THE BURGERS!!!! AND IT WILL BE CALLED SPIGOT'S BURGERS
spigot: MORE BEER FOR ME BUT FIRST SEVERAL BONGHITS

deuce: T ATANDT PLEASE SHUT UP AND GET OUT
deuce: T ATANDT AND AFTER THAT FUCK OFF
spigot: T ATANDT TAKE THE PAMPERS OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND PLACE THEM BACK AROUND YOUR ASS AND LEGS
pants: HUHHHHHHHHH SLEEPING IN A PILE OF DIRT
atandt: THORRY
atandt: THOMETIMETH I GET CONFUTHED

pants: COPS SENDING ROBOT INTO PARK RESTROOM

spigot: WHAT ABOUT MY FACE
spigot: WHEN IS IT TIME FOR SPIGOT'S FACE

pants: WHAT WILL THE WEATHER BE LIKE
duece: GAY WITH A CHANCE OF MORE GAY IN THE MORNING

spigot: WHO'S AS EXCITED AS ME TO PRE-ORDER CHARLEY CHASE'S FIRST ANAL
: DEUCE RAISES HIS HAND
spigot: NOW LET'S SEE A SHOW OF HANDS IF YOU THINK SHE REALLY KNOWS WHAT SHE'S GETTING HERSELF INTO

deuce: FOLKS THESE ATTACKS HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ISLAM
deuce: LADY I SAID *SIP* THE SEMEN DON'T GARGLE IT

spigot: I'M FATTY MCBONER AND I'M HERE TO SAY
spigot: MY BALLS ARE FAT AND MY MOUTH IS GAY
spigot: MACSBUG

spigot: SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE??!?? TO SQUIRT MY THIRST???/
spigot: LET'S NOT ALWAYS SEE THE SAME HANDS

deuce: FINALLY, ALONE WITH MY THOUGHTS
deuce: HURRRRRRR FAT HUHHHHHHH DIARRHEA MUST BEATOFF
deuce: AND REPEAT

deuce: YE NO
spigot: NMAYBE

spigot: THESE ASTRONOMY PICTURES OF THE DAY ARE ALL MAN/MAN BLOWJOBS!!!?????

deuce: WHAT IN THE WORLD
deuce: FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST ABOVE WHAT THE
deuce: FOR GOODNESS SAKE PLEASE KICK ME
pants: IS SOMETHING HORRIBLE HAPPENING OVER THERE

spigot: TUGGING YOUR SLEEVE AND BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH YOU NOT TO BELIEVE THE HYPE ABOUT CLOUD COMPUTING AND ARGUING WITH YOU TO CLAIM YOUR FREE WHITEPAPER DOWNLOAD NOW
deuce: FREE ?!??!?!?!?!?!?1 SCRAMBLING OVER SELF, DROPPING PHONE, KNOCKING OVER BOOKSHELF, TRIGGERING WORLD WAR III

pants: BASH ME AND BASH ME AND BASH ME
spigot: I HAVEN'T SEEN IT IN A BOX
spigot: I HAVEN'T SEEN IT SUCKING COCKS

pants: I CHOKE IT DOWN NIGHTLY / I CHOKE IT DOWN SAD / I CHOKE IT DOWN HAPPY / AND I CHOKE IT DOWN MAD / MAD / MAD
pants: OH I / CHOKE IT / DOWN MAD

pants: DEBBIE HARRY IS TRYING TO KILL ME
pants: SHE'S PRETENDING TO WORK ON THE TELEPHONE LINES BUT I KNOW THE TRUTH
pants: GET DOWN FROM THERE YOU BITCH

spigot: I HAVE NOTHING TO SAY, BUT I'M HERE
pants: S-SHOULD I TAKE MY SHIRT OFF OR
pants: NO THAT WOULD BE WRONG

pants: TURNOFFS: RUDE PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: SQUIRTCAST, SHITSTREAM, CATBOX
spigot: MINECRAFT
pants: SKEPCHICKS WITH LAPTOP GEEK STICKERS ("GOT RAILS?????")
pants: DIGITAL PENETRATION

deuce: T PANTS WOULD YOU LIKE A BOUQUET OF LOVE
pants: T DEUCE I WON'T BE FOOLED AGAIN
deuce: OH YES YOU WILL
pants: ALL RIGHT BOUQUET ME

deuce: BLAM
deuce: OR PERHAPS
deuce: FWOOMP
deuce: AS YOU ARE ENGULFED IN A BLANKET OF DICK

spigot: YOU MAKE ME FEEL SO YOUNG / YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFORGETTING
spigot: CHAIRMAN OF THE ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE????????????
spigot: YOU MAKE ME FFFFFFFFUHHH MILLIONS OF HORRIFIED FACES

spigot: I NEED MORE DIPPING SAUCE OVER HERE
spigot: DIPPING AND DUNKING MY NUTS FIRST INTO THE ZESTY RANCH AND HOURS LATER INTO THE COLD TOILET WATER

deuce: GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX
pants: OK BRB

spigot: FOLKS THE ONLY MEASURED, LOGICAL RESPONSE IS A JERKCITY CARD GAME WITH A BIG THICK HARDCOVER RULEBOOK RIDDLED WITH INCONSISTENCIES AND IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW OR PLAY CORRECTLY
deuce: PSST THOSE ARE MOST CARD GAMES
spigot: PLEASE DON'T CONTRADICT ME IN FRONT OF THE WEB CARTOONISTS

spigot: OPENING THE SKYLIGHT AND BACKING UP THE TRUCK OF WET CEMENT
spigot: BLUP BLOP GLUPTH PLUPTH

deuce: URINAL CAKES
deuce: ARE NOT REAL CAKES
deuce: PASS IT ON

deuce: NOT SURE WHAT MAKES ME MORE MAD, MUSLIM TERRORISTS OR SOFT ON DEMAND
deuce: OR ALETTA OCEAN

spigot: THE BONGS THEY ARE A-SMOKIN' / AND THESE DONGS THEY ARE A-POKIN'
spigot: IN THE LAND
spigot: OF THE OLD
spigot: SOMETHING

pants: I'M SORRY
pants: I WAS TOO BUSY SMOKING DOPE AND GETTING HEAD
deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON
spigot: T PANTS I TOLD DEUCE I'M STAYING HOME, HE'S GOT NO IDEA WE'RE GOING TO BE GAY IN THE PARK

pants: SO GAY
atandt: SOOOO GAY
pants: SOOOOOOOOOO GAY
atandt: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY
pants: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO GAY
atandt: OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

deuce: HOW CAN I BE SO GAY AND YET SO FRUITY
atandt: REALLY THE ANSWER IS IN THE QUESTION

spigot: THIS LOOKS MORE LIKE THE UNDERSIDE OF THE TOILET AS OPPOSED TO MACWORLD EXPO
spigot: OKAY WHILE I'M DOWN HERE I'LL WORK ON MY STAR TREK DRINKING GAME

pants: MY SOFT WHITE UNDERBELLY IS SMEARED WITH FILTH

spigot: MON - WOKE UP, JERKED OFF IN TUB
spigot: TUE - WALKED AROUND ENTIRE PERIMETER OF JERKCITY
spigot: WED - FONDLED MYSELF BEHIND JERKCITY
spigot: THU - FILED BUG
spigot: FRI - FILED FOR DIVORCE

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU
spigot: UH
spigot: WITH THE
spigot: EXIT STAGE NUTS

pants: TWO BY TWO
pants: FOUR BY FOUR
pants: SIX BY SIX OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW IT'S REALLY STARTING TO TEAR

deuce: LET'S LICK DICK
pants: PUT ON THE SOUNDTRACK TO TRAINSPOTTING
deuce: COCKS
pants: ALRIGHTY
deuce: JERKING ME HEADWISE
pants: FUMBLING WITH THE CDS AND THE BOOMBOX AND YOUR JEANS

pants: I NEVER MEANT TO BREAK YOUR HEART
pants: BALLS
pants: WHATEVER
deuce: ARE YOU SURE BECAUSE YOUR FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THE MALLET WAS DELIBERATE AND FORCEFUL

pants: ミーアンヅマイツードングズ アイクロンクゼムツゲザル

spigot: LOOKS LIKE THIS FACILITY . . . . . . .
spigot: . . . . . . . . .
spigot: . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
spigot: (TAKES OFF GLASSES)
spigot: . . . . . . . . . .
spigot: . . . . . . . . . .
spigot: . . . . IS SHAPED LIKE A DICK

pants: OOF OW
pants: I AM ON THE BEING PUMMELED END OF THINGS HOO WAH AHULGHALUGHAG
deuce: IT'S GETTING YOU GOOD
pants: AND HOW

spigot: BUT I NEED COCK *TODAY*

pants: WELP
pants: STARFLEET PROTOCOL IS NOT SPECIFIC BUT I'M THE CAPTAIN HERE
pants: WE SHOULD NOT BE USING THE TRANSPORTER FOR THIS (HUFF, PUFF)

spigot: SHOULD I DIP MY DONG IN THE HAGEN DAZS OR THE FRUSEN GLDJE OR THE FAHRVERGNGEN

spigot: T PANTS THIS IS NOT A GAY BBS
pants: T SPIGOT BONGS/DONGS???
spigot: COCKS COCKS COCKS / STUFF THEM IN MY FACE

pants: LOVE ME UP THE STAIRS
deuce: CAN I LOVE YOU DOWN THE STAIRS
pants: NOT IF WE JUST WALK UP THE STAIRS AND THEN YOU LOVE ME DOWN
pants: YOU CAN LOVE ME UP AND THEN DOWN

pants: BALLS ARE ALL THAT WE HAVE TO GIVE
pants: FILL MY ASS WITH DIRT
pants: LEAVES, ROCKS

pants: T DEUCE HOW DO WE HARNESS THE POWER OF 3-D PRINTING WHILE PROTECTING OURSELVES FROM ITS DARK SIDE
deuce: MAKE GUNS AND THEN SHOOT OURSELVES WITH THEM
deuce: BUT MAKE COFFINS FIRST???
deuce: WRITE BACK

spigot: SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: NOW THAT I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: I NEED GAS MONEY

atandt: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO EAT BESIDES CRICKETS
pants: N

deuce: TOUCH MY DICK
pants: AFRAID
deuce: THINK NOT, JUST TOUCH
deuce: TOUCH YOU MUST
deuce: BE NOT AFRAID
deuce: TOUCH YOU MUST
pants: THEN I'LL BECOME A JEDI RIGHT
deuce: DISCUSS AFTER WE WILL
deuce: NOW TOUCH YOU MUST

pants: AHGLAHGLUHALGAG
spigot: WOOOHOOO HEY PEOPLE SPACE NUTS IS ON
spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP AND BE QUIET
deuce: GAHULGHALGAG
: SPACE NUTS
: "Sparky"
: Captain
: Private Jim

CAPTAIN: TODAY WE'RE GOING TO CONCENTRATE LESS ON OUTER SPACE AND MORE ON INNER TOILETS
SPARKY: WOOF URF BZZZP HOP BOP
PRIVATE JIM: BUT WHY CAPTAIN.
CAPTAIN: HEY SHUT YOUR FAT MOUTH FOR TWO SECONDS AND YOU'LL SEE
PRIVATE JIM: THAT'S A ROGER
SPARKY: BZZZZZ HURBLE BIP DIP PIP

PRIVATE JIM: HOLY GOD YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR FAT WANGY DONG ALL THE WAY INTO MY FACE
CAPTAIN: FUCKING OPEN YOUR MOUTH
PRIVATE JIM: CHRIST MM URF THE NUTS AND BALLS WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED
CAPTAIN: I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS SOAP DISH
PRIVATE JIM: MORE DANGEROUS IN THE TOILET THAN I EVER IMAGINED
CAPTAIN: WHAM WHAM WHAM I'M GOING TO SOAP YOU ALL UP

private jim: TODAY I BECOME A MAN
sparky: BOOF BZZZP POP DOP
atandt: I SEE MARTIN SHEEN IN THE ROLE OF SPARKY
spigot: VIVID'S FATTEST FACES

deuce: DID I MISS ANYTHING FUNNY
pants: N

deuce: THIS .45 ACP AMMUNITION IS GLUTEN-FREE
pants: T DEUCE CAN'T FIND SPACE NUTS ON NETFLIX ???? MAYBE AMAZON PRIME ????? NO??????

pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT WAS A REAL PERSON NOT A JOKE PERSONA MADE UP FOR AN SNL SKIT
pants: GORDON LIGHTFOOT; SUMMERTIME DREAM
pants: THIS IS 100% REAL
deuce: TOTES

spigot: HAVING A SHAQ ATTACK OVER HERE PEOPLE
spigot: NO WAIT
spigot: A MAC ATTACK
deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE TAKE YOUR "ATTACKS" ELSEWHERE SINCE YOU'RE CLEARLY JUST LOOKING FOR ATTENTION

pants: NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS
pants: CERTAINLY NOT / THEIR TIGHT / UNIFORMS
pants: OH THERE'S NOTHING GAY / ABOUT / THE NAZIS
pants: (CHORUS)

spigot: FOLKS WHY AREN'T WE TURNINA
spigot: ASDJF9B TURNING A
spigot: SOMETIMES THE JOKES ARE SO FUNNY THEY'RE SLIPPERY

pants: SUDDENLY, BONGS COULD BE HEARD IN THE DISTANCE
deuce: BONG
deuce: BONG
deuce: BONG
deuce: BONG
deuce: BONG BONG
deuce: BONG BONG BONG BONG
deuce: (GETTING LOUDER AS IT GETS CLOSER YOU SEE)
pants: THANKS DOCTOR DOPPLER
deuce: T PANTS THIS IS ABOUT INTENSITY NOT FREQUENCY SO FUCK OFF MR. WIZARD

pants: THAT STRAY DOT IS BACK
hanford: WHAT THE SHIT
pants: SCOOP IT UP WITH A BIG NET
hanford: I'LL CALL SECURITY
pants: JEAN-CHARLES HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS YOU KNOW THE QUEEN IS ALLERGIC TO NUTS
hanford: YEAH HI IT'S ME THAT DOT IS BACK

pants: I DON'T SEE WHY YOUR TRANSMISSION NEEDS TO BE ENCRYPTED (SWEATING, MAD)
deuce: LOOK AT HIM GO

pants: MMMMM HUGGING AND PETTING AND PULLING YOUR SKIN BACK TO REVEAL WHAT GUNK IS ON THE SIDES OF YOUR EYEBALLS
pants: MMMM PINK STUFF GETTING MY TONGUE IN THERE
deuce: ARE YOU GIVING ME A VET EXAM
pants: YOUR SECRET FAG CHAT ROOM

pants: ?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?1/I`Y2095Y205Y!!!?!?!?!
(deuce): HYPERVENTILATES
pants: YOU CAN TELL WHERE I BROKE DOWN IN THERE
deuce: IT WAS BETWEEN THE / AND THE I
pants: MOST OF THE NUMBERS REPRESENT CRYING

pants: THE BEES ARE NO LONGER DELIGHTFUL WELCOME GUESTS
pants: THEY HAVE GRADUATED TO A PROBLEM
pants: HEY EVERYBODY FREE BEES

spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN ASTRONAUTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: THEY ALL DIED IN A FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: SIR YOU'RE JABBING IT AT ME LIKE I'M A FONDUE POT

atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
atandt: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP
deuce: T ATANDT BANG
atandt: TAP

spigot: PLEASE LEAVE SO I CAN BEAT OFF WITH DIGNITY
deuce: MMMM

atandt: GREETINGS FELLOW PRESBYTERIANS

spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU CANNOT LADLE THE SAVORY CREPE BATTER ONTO THE SKILLET AND SIMULTANEOUSLY FLY THE HELICOPTER
spigot: OH ZE FRENCH SPORTS STARS
spigot: ZE SEVEN FRENCH SPORTS STARS JEAN-CHARLES YOU CLUMSY CLOD
spigot: NOW THERE ARE NO FRENCH SPORTS STARS
spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU HAVE INSTEAD USED THE SWEET CREPE BATTER!!!!!!!!!
pants: MALAYSIA AIRLINES TOWELETTE FOUND ON WESTERN AUSTRALIA BEACH
spigot: JEAN-CHARLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

dick: MY SPECIAL PARTS
deuce: THEY'RE NOT THAT SPECIAL (TUGGING, PULLING, INVESTIGATING)
pants: YOUR FLOWER
deuce: TESTING ELASTICITY, PUNCTURE-PROOFNESS

spigot: FOLKS IS THE WHITE HOUSE STILL DOWN
spigot: HOW ABOUT THAT BLACKHAWK, IS THAT DOWN
spigot: QUICK QUESTION ABOUT THE WATERSHIP

pants: WELP!!!!!!! BETTER SLAM THE DOOR ON MY WANG
pants: WHY WOULD I DO THAT
pants: WHY

pants: JUST PLEASE CALL 911 AND TELL THEM TO SEND THE RANGER
pants: THE NICE RANGER NOT THE MEAN ONE
spigot: I'M ON THE PHONE
pants: I SAID NOT THE MEAN JUDGMENTAL RANGER
spigot: ROOTKITS, BOTNETS, BEATNIKS, DICKLICKS

pants: ARE YOU MY ASHTRAY
deuce: MORE YOUR GENERAL TRASH RECEPTACLE
deuce: BUT YES, CIGARETTE BUTTS, LIT CIGARETTES HAPPILY ACCEPTED
pants: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT WE'RE LOST
pants: JUST ASK MY BONER FOR DIRECTIONS

pants: GLORMPH
spigot: FLURMPTH
spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL
spigot: IF YOU GIVE ME THE DIAL-IN NUMBER I CAN MAKE FART SOUNDS

pants: PLEASE DO MY HOMEWORK FOR ME
atandt: FIRST TAKE YOUR ATABRINE

deuce: FOLKS MY ADOBE ATMOSPHERE LICENSE JUST EXPIRED

deuce: HOW MANY COCKS WOULD A WOODCHUCK COCK IF A WOODCOCK COULD COCK COCK
deuce: WAIT GOT DISTRACTED AT THE END THERE WHAT WERE WE COCKING ABOUT

spigot: WHO DOESN'T LOCK THE COCKPIT TO BEAT OFF

ozone: CUT DOWN A RACK OF BANANAS YESTERDAY. SOMETIME IN THE NIGHT, A RAT ATE PART OF ONE

pants: FANNNNNYPAAAAACK
deuce: ARE YOU A GH-GH-GHOST
pants: I AM
pants: BOO
deuce: EEK A GHOST

dick: SEXUAL MISCONDUCTING YOU
deuce: BEING SEXUAL MISCONDUCTED, AYE

deuce: I HEREBY DECLARE THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF JERKCITY
deuce: MASS EXECUTIONS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY

deuce: WHO DIDN'T SHIT THEMSELVES TODAY ??!?!? }}}} ME {{{{
pants: HURRAY

dick: UH OH FLUFFER UNDERFLOW
spigot: COPS / COME AND TRY TO FAG MY MOPS

SPIGOT: I'M GOING TO FLING THIS BALONEY OVER THE WALL OF MY CUBE AND WHOEVER CATCHES IT CAN HAVE IT
SPIGOT: NOTICE HOW "BALONEY" IS FUNNIER THAN "BOLOGNA" 
SPIGOT: EVEN THOUGH "BOLOGNA" HAS THE WORD LOG IN IT

hanford: AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR
pants: HI I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY
pants: YOU MAY HAVE SEEN MY FACE ON TELEVISION OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO
pants: HTTP://JERKCITYHIFI.COM/ IS JUST THE BEST THING EVER

deuce: CONGRATULATIONS FOR DOING SOMETHING USELESS

deuce: ALSO I HATE TO BREAK IT TO YOU BUT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT
deuce: PICTURES OF GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICHES IN MY PORN FOLDER

spigot: NOT SURE IF YOU'RE UP AT 3AM BUT WE GOT A HOT SUPPORT ISSUE HERE
spigot: ARE YOU NOT BY YOUR PHONE? LEAVING A VOICEMAIL 3:14AM
spigot: HEY ME AGAIN

deuce: PRIORITY 1, SEVERITY 1: "FAGGOT" ON THE SPLASH SCREEN
deuce: STEPS TO REPRODUCE: LAUNCH APPLICATION.  LOOK AT SPLASH SCREEN.  GET CALLED A FAGGOT.
deuce: PROBLEM:  GAME CALLS ME A FAGGOT. EXPECTED: THE GAME DOES NOT CALL ME A FAGGOT.

spigot: IS IT TRUE WHAT THEY SAY
spigot: ABOUT US GETTING GAY
spigot: IN THE STALLS / IN THE STALLS / IN THE STALLS
pants: IN / THE / STALLS
spigot: YOU AND ME STANDING HERE / AND IT'S TIME TO BE QUEER
spigot: LINE
pants: MAKING CHRISTMAS / MAKING CHRISTMAS
spigot: I ALREADY SAID QUEER
spigot: CURTAIN FOR GOD SAKES

deuce: T PANTS =NEED YOU TAKE SOME SELFIES OF YOUR WANG (HARDON PREFERABLE)
pants: I NEED MY PUMP IF WE'RE GONNA DO THAT
pants: ALSO MY PUMP'S PUMP
deuce: MULTIPLE PUMPS FOR SOME REASON

pants: COME ON GUYS I'M REALLY STUCK HERE
deuce: SHUT IT
pants: I WISH I COULD FLY
pants: THEN I COULD UNSTICK MYSELF FROM THIS PLACE THAT I AM STUCK
deuce: FAT

spigot: REPEATER / TIMED / OUT

pants: DRAT THIS TOWEL IS DAMP
spigot: T PANTS I SPILLED MY EAR MEDICINE ALL OVER YOUR Q-TIPS IN A MOMENT OF POIGNANT IRONY AND ALSO WHILE STONED

spigot: "I WANTED IT TO LOOK LIKE A CHILDREN'S BOOK" SAID EVERY UNTALENTED 20SOMETHING ANIMATOR ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH

spigot: YOU GOT YOUR BOXES HERE, YOUR GADGETS THERE
spigot: AN APPLE MONITOR BOX FOR A NIGHT STAND
spigot: IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT I CAN GET UP IN PITCH DARKNESS AND KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THE ALLEN WRENCHES ARE
pants: THESE ARE THE TIMES THAT TRY MEN'S SOULS

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD
pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

atandt: (DEUCE^2 + PANTS^2) / SPIGOT = ???
atandt: I THINK I LEFT OUT A SQRT SOMEWHERE

pants: WASH AWAY MY UGLY SINS

pants: FLORA AND FAUNA AND BONERS AND TRAUMA
deuce: IN THAT ORDER

pants: WHY AREN'T WE CALLING THEM MORLOCKS AND PUTTING THEM INTO THE SEWERS, HUNTING THEM FOR SPORT, ETC.
pants: YOU SAID WE WERE GOING TO BREAK THE MAGICIAN'S CODE AND REVEAL MAGIC'S BIGGEST SECRETS BUT INSTEAD HERE WE ARE IN THIS PLACE
spigot: IRONICALLY SIR WHILE YOU WERE PULLING MY PANTS DOWN MY ATM CARD SEEMS TO HAVE GOTTEN BENT/UNUSABLBLBLBLBHLGHBLG

spigot: ARE YOU ALL JUST FUCKING DOPES STARING OFF INTO SPACE?!?!?!?
spigot: TYPE AND BE FUNNY
deuce: COCKS
spigot: ZKJDFIOWJG

deuce: AHEM PAY ATTENTION TO THE DUCKLING BECAUSE HE WILL BE YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN FROM NOW ON (FOOTSTEPS, OPEN DOOR, SLAM DOOR, MUCH QUIETER FOOTSTEPS FADING TO SILENCE)
pants: HAVE YOU CONSIDERED BALLS
deuce: CONSIDERED AND REJECTED: BALLS DO NOT QUACK
pants: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT (WAGGLING EYEBROWS)
deuce: HOLY FUCKING SHIT PEOPLE

pants: ARE WE BECOME ANAL
deuce: I AM BECOME ANAL, DESTROYER OF WORLDS

ozone: THERE ARE PIGS ACTIVELY LIVING IN THE YARD

pants: CAN YOU SEE A FUTURE FOR MY BONER
pants: A FUTUREBONER
pants: I.E. A BONER IN YOUR FUTURE
deuce: IS THIS BONER WE'RE REFERRING TO IN MY FACT MY BONER

ozone: I SAW SOME FREE-RANGE COCKS UP AROUND THE CORNER
ozone: SHOULD I GO UP THERE AND SEE IF I CAN CATCH ONE
ozone: NOBODY LIVES THERE, IT'S NOT LIKE THESE COCKS JUST WANDERED OFF
ozone: MAYBE THEY'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO WALK INTO A CAT CARRIER
ozone: I HAVEN'T DONE THIS BEFORE

: This little fellow is known round these parts as Spigot The Bear. He's not a real bear, though.
SPIGOT: THERE'S MORE TO ACROBAT THAN JUST THE READER
SPIGOT: %PDF()$$)$*%BEGINGAYSPURT-------->

deuce: GLHAGLHGA
pants: OH YEAH WELL HUALHHAG
deuce: YOU BACK OFF MAN GLHLAAGHABLHAGBHLGBAHLABGH
pants: I CAN'T HELP IT HLAGHAULHGLUAHGLAG

spigot: I WOULD PLACE AN ENTERTAINING MOVIE ABOVE FRIENDSHIP

pants: I'M A DUSTBUSTER
pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOM
deuce: QUIET ON THE SET
pants: ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM

deuce: STATE OF EMERGENCY
deuce: NATIONAL GUARD MOBILIZED
deuce: ACTIVATING ROBOCOP

spigot: DO YOU NEED A SPECIAL LICENSE TO OPERATE A FAX MACHINE
spigot: ARE THERE ANY FAX MACHINE CLUBS IN YOUR AREA
spigot: CAN YOU CONDUCT THE THURSDAY NIGHT FAX NET WHERE WE ALL FAX EACH OTHER
spigot: OKAY WE HAVE A JAMMER (SHEETS AND SHEETS OF BLACK)
spigot: HAD AN EPSON FOR YEARS, FINALLY SWITCHED TO HP BUT I MISS THE OLD KNOBS AND MENUS
(spigot): PSST
spigot: ARE YOU GOING TO FAXCON 2015
deuce: OH GOD PISSING INTO MY MOUTH

pants: GODEL, ESCHER, BONER
atandt: REVERSE THAT ORDER
pants: STRIKE THAT / REVERSE IT
atandt: ALWAYS BEGIN WITH BONER
pants: CARPE DIPSHIT

pants: BE [REDACTED] WITH ME (OR ELSE)
deuce: WHAT DOES THAT ENTAIL
pants: I CANNOT SAY
deuce: THEN HOW CAN I LEGALLY CONSENT TO IT
deuce: OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALREADY DOING IT AREN'T YOU
pants: YYYYYYYYY

pants: SPACE NUTS RENEWED FOR SEASON 2

pants: ALL RIGHT BUT I WILL ONLY GO TO SECOND BASE
deuce: I THINK I CAN HANDLE THAT

: Pictured below: Spigot the Bear (left), "Deuce" (right)
spigot: WE ARE NOT CONSTANTLY STONED WE TAKE TIME OUT TO FIND WORK AND ORDER POTSTICKERS
deuce: GHLAGHLGAHLAG
spigot: WELL FOLKS I DID NOT WIN A WEBBY AWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: PUT YOUR JUNK IN THE DRAWER AND I'LL SLAM IT
pants: MY BONER HAS ACCESS TO A CLOAKING DEVICE
pants: DOESN'T HELP

deuce: WATCHING A TED TALK ON HOW MY BALLS CAN FEED A SMALL VILLAGE IN AFRICA

pants: HLAGHAULGHLUAGHULAHGLHAGLG
pants: SPIT SPIT AHGHALUGHULAGAG SPIT PFFFFT
pants: THIS TIME FOR SURE HUAKGHALUHGULHAGULHUAG

spigot: FLINGING IT INTO THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL
pants: GARABAGE DISPOSAL FLINGS IT OUT, BACK ONTO YOUR WRIST

pants: I'M A WAR CORRESPONDENT
pants: WATCH ME WAR
pants: GRRRRR THIS IS MY WAR EXPRESSION
deuce: THAT IS WARRY
deuce: CAN YOU SHOW ME A CEASEFIRE
pants: I CAN DIG IT BABY
deuce: I DON'T SEE ANY DIFFERENCE
pants: WELL THEN I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN (FOLDS ARMS)

pants: SENTENCED TO FIRST TIME ANAL
deuce: CALLING ALL CARS, CALLING ALL CARS
pants: SON OF A DICKS

deuce: IF I HAD A NAME LIKE VINT CERF, I'D NEVER WEAR CLOTHES

spigot: IF YOU'RE A WOMAN, HOW DO YOU GET ON THE INTERNET WITHOUT A MAN? YOU *CAN'T*

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO FILE A FORMAL COMPLAINT
pants: YOUR CALL IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US
pants: PLEASE CONTINUE TO HOLD
deuce: HOW COME IT'S ALWAYS GIRL FROM IPANEMA FOR THE HOLD MUSIC
pants: YOUR HOLD TIME WILL BE: THIRTY. FOUR. MINUTES
deuce: CARRYING THE CORDLESS PHONE WITH ME INTO THE CRAPPER

spigot: HONK MY DICK LIKE A HORN
spigot: SERIOUSLY MAKE THE NOISE OR I CAN'T EJACULATE

pants: I SHOULD LIKE TO BE CARRIED AROUND IN A BUCKET BY YOU
pants: DOWN BY THE SHORE WE WILL WANDER
deuce: WILL I SOMETIMES DIP YOU INTO THE WATER AND THEN SOMETIMES SCOOP UP SOME SAND AND THEN MAYBE DUMP IT OUT
pants: A-SEEKING OYSTERS AND OTHER DELICIOUS OCEAN EATABLES
deuce: WHAT IF I JUST FUCK YOUR FACE

spigot: THREE HITS TO MY SITE TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: OKAY THANKS FOR THAT
spigot: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ CYBERHUGZ }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

pants: LEMME AT 'IM
pants: I'LL MURDERIZE THEM ALL
pants: WHY I OUGHTA

pants: KIRK SPOCK AND BONES LOOKIN' FOR SPACE PUSSY
spigot: CLICK MY FACE
pants: MAY I CHOOSE BETWEEN CLICKING AND DOUBLE-CLICKING
pants: PLEASE

pants: DOWN ME IN ONE GULP
deuce: YOU WILL TAKE AT LEAST 2, ODDS ARE GOOD 3
deuce: EXPECTATION VALUE: 2.83

deuce: OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA
deuce: I'M SOME MANNER OF HORNED INSTRUMENT
deuce: WANNA FUCK
deuce: [NOT CLEAR WHETHER THAT'S A STATEMENT OR A REQUEST]

deuce: T PANTS LOOK I'M NOT GOING TO HAVE THIS ARGUMENT WITH YOU EVERY SINGLE TIME BUT (LONG, FRUSTRATED EXHALE) YOU CAN ONLY PEE ON ISOLATED, UNUSED MOPS
deuce: NOT MOPS THAT ARE BEING USED BY A JANITOR TO MOP THINGS UP AT THAT SECOND WHILE HE'S HOLDING THE MOP

pants: T DEUCE IS PANTS MY RAP NAME OR AM I FAT
pants: T DEUCE DEEP DOWN I THINK I KNOW THE ANSWER
pants: T DEUCE FREUD CALLS THIS "UNCONSCIOUS COCK-SEEKING BEHAVIOR E.G. BUMBLING THROUGH THE TENDERLOIN ON A SATURDAY NIGHT/SUNDAY MORNING"

spigot: YOUR DICK AND BALLS WILL BE MY CROSS TO BEAR

pants: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
pants: THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO SAY
pants: NOW BOTH OF YOU GO OUT AND PLAY
pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH BASEMENT

deuce: LOOK I'M NOT SAYING YOU LOOK BAD IN A DRESS I'M JUST SAYING YOU LOOK TERRIBLE IN A DRESS

spigot: I'D LIKE TO LICK / THE WORLD A DICK
deuce: AND NO MORE / CUM DODGING

deuce: JUST KEEP ADDING BATCHES OF 100 UNTIL IT SLOWS DOWN, THEN EXERCISE JUDGEMENT
pants: THAT'S EXACTLY THE SPHERE OF RESPONSIBILITY THAT SHOULD BE BESTOWED UPON ME: EXERCISING JUDGEMENT

deuce: I'M SO HIGH I CAN SEE GOD
deuce: AND HE DOES NOT APPROVE

spigot: THE FIRST RULE FOR ROBOTS SHOULD BE THAT THEY NEVER HARM HUMANS (EXCEPT FOR ONES THAT CRANK CALL ME OR DUMPED ME A LONG TIME AGO)
pants: I LICK DICKS FOR FUN AND PROFIT

spigot: OKAY FOR APRIL FOOLS LET'S GO TO THE GLORYHOLE AND SPROING THOSE PEANUT BRITTLE SNAKES AROUND INSTEAD OF OUR DICKS IT'LL BE GREAT
deuce: T SPIGOT PERSONALLY I'VE NEVER KNOWN APRIL FOOLS TO INVOLVE BIG WANGY DICKS HUMPING AWAY AT MY CHIN
spigot: IF THERE ARE SPROINGY SNAKES IN THE GLORYHOLE THEN I'D BETTER GO BUY SOME PEANUT BRITTLE
deuce: YOU'RE MIXING METAPHORS AGAIN

pants: WAIT A MINUTE
pants: WHICH ONE OF YOU IS OPERATING THE CRANK
pants: PLEASE DO SOMETHING THIS IS CHAFING

pants: SOME MANNER OF PISS CRISIS
pants: WIPE IT OFF AND PUT IT BACK ONTO THE PLATE
pants: OKAY GO BACK TO TURNING THE CRANK

deuce: ARE YOU FULLY GAY, PEOPLE?
pants: SO UH
pants: WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE
deuce: GHLAGHLAHGLUAG

spigot: BEAT-OFF MODE

pants: A KICKSTARTER TO MAKE THE JERKCITYHD ZINE?????? $$$$$$$$$
pants: AN INDIGOGO TO PUT JERKCITYHIFI ON VINYL???????? ?????!?? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4
(pants): WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE

spigot: WHA
spigot: OH
spigot: FOR A SECOND THERE I THOUGHT I WAS EMPLOYED

deuce: SERIOUSLY SO TIRED YOU COULD TOTALLY POKE A BONER IN ME AND I WOULDN'T FIGHT <-- WHAT THE FUCK IT THIS
pants: ARE YOU SAYING THAT I SHOULD NO NO THAT WOULD BE WRONG
deuce: SERIOUSLY TOTALLY JUST STUCK IT IN ANYWHERE I'M TOO TIRED TO FIGHT
pants: K
deuce: AND YOUR ABILITY TO TOTALLY LEGALLY GROPE ME WHILE I'M DEFENSELESS BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY GIVEN YOU EXPLICIT PRE-PERMISSION
pants: SIGN HERE AND HERE AND HERE, INITIAL HERE

deuce: FOLKS CAN WE ALL AGREE LONG AFTER THE FACT THAT THREE AMIGOS WAS NOT FUNNY
spigot: I'M IN AGREEMENT
deuce: NOW LET'S MAKE OUT
spigot: I MEAN IT'S HILARIOUS
spigot: I MEAN IT'S SO NOT FUNNY IT'S HILARIOUS: WHATEVER PUTS DISTANCE BETWEEN US
spigot: NOT TOO MUCH DISTANCE
spigot: I MISS YOU
spigot: HELLO
spigot: (GURK) DEAD
deuce: {{{ DIARRHEA }}}

pants: GIRL THE WAY I FEEL ABOUT YOU
pants: GIRL I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU
pants: FEED ME COCKS OFF A CONVEYER BELT

deuce: WHACKING YOU OFF
pants: BEING WACKED OFF
deuce: 10-4 OVER

pants: ELECTROLYTES FOR TRILOBITES
pants: I, THE SECOND GAYEST EXTINCT MARINE ARTHROPOD THAT OCCURRED ABUNDANTLY DURING THE PALEOZOIC ERA, WITH A CARAPACE OVER THE FOREPART, AND A SEGMENTED HIND PART DIVIDED LONGITUDINALLY INTO THREE LOBES
pants: WHAT PART OF SEGMENTED HIND DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND

pants: IF I'M GOING TO LAM IT, I'M GOING WITH A FUCKING PACKAGE. I'M NOT GOING TO BE LIKE FUCKING MICKEY MAZUCCO. THE POOR PRICK ONLY HAD FIVE MINUTES TO RUN. HE ENDED UP IN SOME RAT INFESTED MOTEL DOWN IN ELVIS COUNTRY
spigot: WHAT IS THAT
deuce: ANYWHERE THERE ARE NO JEWS OR ITALIANS
spigot: I DON'T GET IT

pants: JUSTIFY MY LOVE (FOR DICK)
deuce: POP
pants: PONK
(pants): PLOP
pants: GORT
pants: GLUG
pants: CLOG
deuce: IS THIS BOGGLE

deuce: GET A ROOM
spigot: FOLKS THE COLONEL IS **BACK**
deuce: WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE I TOLD YOU TO GET A ROOM
deuce: I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'M DOING
deuce: WAIT SORRY WERE YOU SAYING SOMETHING
spigot: THANK YOU
spigot: COLONEL SANDERS IS BACK AND HIS SECRET RECIPE IS NOW AVAILABLE IN A DIPPING SAUCE
spigot: KFC OFFERS A REAL MEAL WHERE AND WHEN YOU NEED IT FOR JUST $5.99
deuce: WAIT WHAT'S THIS ABOUT KFC ???
spigot: 6 PC. BITES COMBO FROM KFC

spigot: FOLKS GOT A NEW THING CALLED THE APPLE WATCH
spigot: MORE LIKE WATCH ME ***LICK THIS DICK***
spigot: NO APPLE DID NOT "PAY" ME TO SAY THAT

deuce: I DON'T WANT TO GO OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS AIDS
spigot: GEOMAGNETIC STORM UNDERWAY

pants: T DEUCE LET'S DIG A HOLE, CLIMB IN AND BUTTFUCK

deuce: SERIOUSLY NOW I AM VERY TIRED PEOPLE
spigot: PROBABLY NEED SOME ROUND TABLE DELIVERED

pants: SEXUAL BATTERY: NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WAS
spigot: DO YOU NEED A JUMP

pants: MAKING JERKCITIES TONIGHT SO I NEED YOU BOTH TO BE EXTRA FUNNY
deuce: AND IT'S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!!!!
deuce: WAIT THERE WAS A FIRST PART I WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY
deuce: SQUIRRRP

pants: LOOKING UP HOOKER IN THE YELLOW PAGES
pants: FLIP FLIP FLIP
pants: TRYING WHORE
pants: COCKSUCKER
pants: THROWING THE YELLOW PAGES AGAINST THE WALL
spigot: JUST GO TO SEARS.COM
pants: THEY ONLY HAVE DUDES WITH MUSTACHES
pants: DON'T GET ME WRONG THEY'RE SUPER HANDSOME AND HOLD DOORS OPEN FOR ME BUT I'M JUST NOT

pants: DON'T LOOK DOWN!!!!!! JUST USE YOUR HANDS AND FINGERS AND MOUTH TO TELL ME IF THIS IS MY DONG OR NOT
spigot: I FINK IS MIME

deuce: MENTAL NOTE: ALICIA *DEL* RIO IS NOT THE SAME THING AS ALICIA RIO
deuce: SORRY CONTINUE

pants: HUALGHULAGHLBAGGLABLUUAHGLBALUGAG
pants: GHLAGHLUAHAG THE FORCE IS STRONG WITH THIS ONE AGALGHULAHGLAHG
pants: ALGHLAUGLAH BGLAHGLHGALLAGA

pants: FUCK FIREWORKS
deuce: WELL THEY'RE FUN IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THEM BEFORE
pants: AND OTHER THINGS THAT SCARE ANIMALS LIKE LOW-FLYING PLANES AND MY PRETTY PINK PRICK
deuce: I WOULDN'T CALL IT "PRETTY"
deuce: "VAGUELY PASSABLE IN LOW LIGHT" IS ABOUT THE BEST I CAN GIVE YOU

pants: 7/4 IS A SATURDAY
deuce: Y
pants: WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK THE MATH: 7/4 -> 1.75
deuce: CHECKS OUT
pants: LOOKS GOOD

spigot: PLUMP
spigot: I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE

deuce: HEY QUICK QUESTION COULD BILL NYE THE FUCKING SCIENCE GUY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOREVER PLEASE K THX
deuce: ALSO: CAN WE TAKE U2 AND INXS AND CRUMPLE THEM INTO A LITTLE BALL AND LAUNCH THEM INTO THE FUCKING SUN
deuce: I GUESS THAT'S TWO QUICK QUESTIONS

pants: I'M NOT DEFEATED YET
pants: OH WAIT YES I AM
pants: SCHIZOPHRENIA

spigot: CLONK
spigot: BA
spigot: DONK
spigot: JUST GONNA FLOP A DICK OUT THERE

pants: CHOKE THINGS OR DON'T CHOKE THINGS
pants: EITHER WAY, I'M GOOD
deuce: A SUPERPOSITION OF BOTH
deuce: THE QUANTUM COCKSUCKER

deuce: T PANTS REALLY
pants: REALLY
deuce: I MEAN
pants: YES REALLY
deuce: REALLY
pants: GOD

spigot: FRISBEE GOLF OR AS I CALL IT ............ FROLF
deuce: WHILE FILKING (FROLFILKING)

pants: HI HO EVERYBODY

pants: IS THIS REAL
pants: AM I REALLY HAPPENING
pants: IS THIS THE END OF PANTS (FROM JERKCITY)

deuce: SWELLING
spigot: LEAVING

pants: OH WHO CARES MMMMMM BUHHHHHH SUCKING THEM ALL HUHHHH
pants: I LOOK LIKE THAT GUY IN THE GUINNESS BOOK OF WORLD RECORDS
pants: THE ONE WITH ALL THE CIGARETTES IN HIS MOUTH

spigot: WHAT IF EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE WORLD FLUSHED THE TOILET AT THE SAME TIME
spigot: OR WHAT IF I JUST STUFFED EVERYBODY INTO A BIG FAT TOILET
spigot: WHAT IF WE BUILT A STALL AND NOBODY CAME?????
pants: LONG TIME PASSING

deuce: T PANTS PLEASE HOLD ME AND NEVER LET ME GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
pants: BARELY SQUEEZING THE O OUT
pants: SOMETIMES THE O IS THE HARDEST PART
pants: T DEUCE PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS UNDER MY BRA (E.G. PET ON TOP OF THE SWEATER)

deuce: FULL OF PIZZA, DICK
pants: MEAN TO SAY FULL OF DICK, PIZZA
pants: DID YOU NOT ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
deuce: NO
pants: WHAT
deuce: THERE IS CLEARLY MORE PIZZA THAN DICK

spigot: CAN SOMEONE TAPE SEX AND THE CITY FOR ME AND THEN MAIL ME THE TAPE
spigot: ALSO A MARIJUANA JOINT SO I CAN GET THROUGH IT

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE NASA/HUBBLE'S PHOTOS OF THE JERKCITY GALAXY
pants: DROPPING MY DICK LIKE THE MIC
pants: THOMP
pants: SQUEEEEE

spigot: OPTIMIZED FOR DICKS
spigot: WAIT
spigot: OKAY NOW I AM OPTIMIZED FOR DICKS !!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: I AM SO GAY I SEE SPOTS

spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN SCIENCE???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN TECH???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN ENGINEERS???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN MATHEMATICIANS???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN SUPERHEROES???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN CEO'S ???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN DIRECTORS ???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN GAME DESIGNERS ??
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN THE WRITER'S ROOM ???
spigot: WHY ARE THERE NO WOMEN IN COMEDY ???
spigot: IT'S LIKE A BEAUTIFUL DREAM

pants: SUMMER BEARD
pants: MAKES ME FEEL FINE
pants: BLOWIN' THROUGH THE JASMINE IN MY MIND

spigot: LIL' SPURTS
deuce: THERE YOU ARE
deuce: HUNKER DOWN ON DICK

pants: SERIOUSLY JUST POUND HIS HEAD WITH THE CLUB
pants: WAIT A MINUTE
pants: WHERE DID WE BURY HIM (WEARING A WIRE, LEANING INTO YOU SO THE POLICE CAN HEAR YOU)

deuce: THEORETICALLY, SOMEONE SOMEWHERE IS GETTING RAPED RIGHT NOW
spigot: IF WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS TRUE I STILL DON'T GIVE A SHIT

pants: PLEASE TO BE SUCKING THE DICK (IN THIS COUNTRY)
pants: YOUR COUNTRY HAS ALL THE WONDERFUL, COLORFUL DICKS
pants: I AM HAPPY TO BE HERE

pants: HALGHALUHGLUHGALAUHLAG
pants: YEE HAW
pants: ALGHAGLHLAHGLAGHLHG

spigot: THEN I BEAT OFF AND WENT TO BED

spigot: HAM RADIO IS THE ONLY ACTIVITY I'VE EVER PURSUED WHERE I CAN LITERALLY POINT TO EVERY SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN THE HOBBY AND SAY YOU'RE AN IDIOT / YOU'RE A DUMBSHIT / YOU'RE AUTISTIC / YOU'RE A FUCKFACE, ETC - WITHOUT EXCEPTION (DEUCE EXCLUDED)
spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED MAGIC TRICKS
spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO PURSUED WEB COMICS
spigot: NOT TRUE: I ALSO [EVERYTHING I'VE EVER DONE]

pants: STIGMATA
deuce: ECZEMA
pants: UUCICO
deuce: DOWN IN FRONT

deuce: I THINK I HAVE LUPUS
deuce: NEVER MIND JUST REALLY BORED

spigot: SMOOSH IT ALL OVER MY FACE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD
spigot: HOLY GOD MY PANTS ARE FILLING UP WITH MY OWN CRAP
spigot: I CAN BARELY MOVE, STUFFED IN THESE BLOATED FOAMY PANTS HURRRRRBLE HERE COMES A BURST OF URINE

deuce: MY SWEET JESUS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAGS
pants: AND THEN HIS FACE MORPHED INTO A FATTER FACE AND I THREW UP
spigot: DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY ICQ NUMBER/CODE

pants: PRINTING AN 24X18 PICTURE OF MYSELF, FRAMING IT, SIGNING IT WITH A SILVER PEN, WRAPPING IT, MERRY CHRISTMAS
pants: SMILING, THUMBS UP
spigot: PLAY WITH IT AND BEND IT

pants: COULD YOU TWO PLEASE GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER
pants: OKAY FROM THE TOP
pants: HOOO BOY I'M GLAD THAT'S LASJGHKSDHKSFHBSIDFHU &SDF BKSDF *YHSF

spigot: HOW DO YOU MAKE COLDS GO AWAY QUICKLY
deuce: THERE REALLY ISN'T ANY WAY (YOU JUST HAVE TO LIVE THROUGH IT)
deuce: ONLY THING I CAN SUGGEST IS THE STANDARD THING -- LOTS OF FLUIDS AND LOTS OF REST
deuce: AND YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN BY FLUIDS
spigot: HOLY

atandt: *PLONK*
atandt: WHOOPS
atandt: HARD TO KEEP MY BALLS IN THIS CUP
deuce: CONCUR

: DEUCE SLOWLY REALIZES THAT A GOATEE MAKES EVERYONE LOOK RETARDED

bung: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME HOW BAD YOU NEED TO EJACULATE
atandt: PLZ FIX

deuce: IF SOMEONE DOESN'T START BEING FUNNY IN FIFTEEN SECONDS I'M TAKING A BIG OL' DUMP ALL OVER THIS LAPTOP
deuce: (EITHER THAT OR GETTING ANOTHER BEER)
atandt: DOOR 1
deuce: DISQUALIFICATION
atandt: DOOR 1

deuce: SHUT UP PEOPLE
atandt: I THINK WE SHOULD ALL TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND GO SIT OUTSIDE ON THE LAWN
atandt: I'LL BRING THE CHEESE

pants: T DEUCE I LICK DICK FOR THE CIA AND THE KGB

deuce: T SPIGOT YOU SEE RADAR LEFT HIS TEDDY BEAR AT THE CAMP WHEN HE WAS DISCHARGED BECAUSE HE HAD GROWN UP AND DIDN'T NEED IT ANYMORE
spigot: SHUT UP

deuce: SELLING YOU
pants: INTO GAY/BI SLAVERY I HOPE!!!!!!!!!
pants: NOPE JUST REGULAR SLAVERY

deuce: VISION IS GROWING BLURRY, GETTING REALLY TIRED
pants: LIE BACK AND THINK OF ENGLAND

spigot: OKAY HERE I HAVE AN ORDINARY EVERYDAY DOLLAR BILL
spigot: NOW WATCH, I'LL TAKE BOTH EN
spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
spigot: CONSIDER THIS DECK OF CARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

pants: I'M THE ONE WHO DID IT
pants: I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUNNY
pants: BUT IT TURNED OUT AWFUL

spigot: FOLKS, JUST BUBBLING THIS UP SO IT'S TOP OF MIND: I SUCK DICK
pants: WELL... BUBBLE IT BACK DOWN (SEINFELD BASS)
deuce: [NIGHT COURT THEME]
pants: 0 FAVS
deuce: HGLHGAHLGA

pants: BALLS ARE THE CRUELEST ANIMAL

pants: YA LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERY DAY (DOGGIE DADDY VOICE)
pants: YES TO ME THAT'S THE DOGGIE DADDY VOICE
pants: I WAS NOT BORN IN 1930
deuce: I CAN'T GET YOU

deuce: RARRRR
pants: EEEEEKKKK SCARY

pants: WHO ELSE THINKS THE COCK FESTIVAL IS GETTING TOO COMMERCIAL
spigot: I REMEMBER WHEN IT WAS ABOUT THE COCKS

spigot: IF I WERE GOD I'D CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND WATCH NOTHING BUT FUNNY EMBARRASSING MOMENTS FROM AMERICA'S GLORYHOLES
(spigot): HERE'S WHERE THAT GUY GETS BUSTED BY THE VICE SQUAD AND THEY CUFF HIS NUTS

deuce: FOR THOSE ABOUT TO SUCK / WE _______ YOU
pants: NETFLIX
deuce: INPUT ACCEPTED

spigot: DO WE THINK THE SHOOTER WAS AT ALL AFFLICTED BY N.A.D.D.

spigot: AND THE NOMINEES FOR BEST CRUSHING AND SNORTING OF PILLS ARE
spigot: AND THE AWARD FOR LOUDEST SNORING GOES TO
spigot: PRESENTING THE LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD FOR TAKING ALL THE COOKIES
spigot: THE DUMBEST SALSA
spigot: PLUG FALLS OUT OF TV

spigot: FOLKS ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16
spigot: GONNA GO FUCK MYSELF, TALK SOON

spigot: OKAY WELL, ASKING AGAIN:
spigot: ARE WE PUMPED FOR MADDEN 16 (IN STORES NOW)
pants: #GAYDADS #BIDADS #AUTISTICDADS #GEEKDADS

pants: NUGGH CHRIST
pants: HURRRRRRGH I MUST HAVE MORE HHURRRR
pants: MUST EAT ALL THE COOKIES AND CHIPS
deuce: LEAVE NO WITNESSES

deuce: SHOOTING SELF IN THE FACE
pants: DO YOU SMELL BURNING HAIR
deuce: WHAT
pants: LEMME SHOW YOU SOMETHING (FUMBLING WITH TRENCHCOAT)

deuce: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ALL OF YOU
deuce: AND A ONE AND A TWO AN

deuce: T PANTS THE STORE WAS OUT OF THE REGULAR BRAND OF CAT LITTER I USE SO I HAD TO GRAB THE PILE OF C. 1999 HUSTLERS AND SHRED THEM TO MAKE UP FOR IT, WRITE BACK

pants: T DEUCE CAN WORDS MAKE WISHES COME TRUE
deuce: T PANTS IN SOME CASES, YES
deuce: FOR INSTANCE: "DON'T TELL YOUR PARENTS OR I'LL KILL YOU"

pants: MORE AND FASTER
pants: YOU HEARD ME RIGHT
deuce: I AM RUN DOWN PLEASE LET ME REST
pants: BUT

spigot: GIVE US THIS DAY SOME FUCKING HEAD FOR THE LOVE OF THE LORD
deuce: (BECAUSE IT ALWAYS INVOLVES ME GIVING HEAD)
spigot: AMEN

deuce: T SPIGOT YOU HAVE AN ATTITUDE PROBLEM
spigot: PLEASE CALL ME THE DOCTOR
spigot: LET'S HEAR IT FOR THE GAYS AND LESBIANS THROUGHOUT AMERICA

pants: WE FIXED THE CROPPING
spigot: WHENEVER I FIDGET WITH MY NUTS FOR > 3 MINUTES I CALL IT A REORG

deuce: ARE YOU A PAGE 3 GIRL
pants: I CONTINUE TO SUBMIT MY SELFIES BUT THEY DO NOT REPLY

pants: IT'S COLD THIS MORNING
pants: BUT NOT TOO COLD FOR BEATING OFF (DISCO BALL LOWERS FROM CEILING, MUSIC PLAYS)

pants: HUHHHH GET THAT THING OUT OF MY ESOPHAGUS
spigot: UNCONSCIOUS GAYNESS

pants: MEET ME AT THE DOWNTOWN JIZZERY
pants: I'LL BE THERE WITH BELLS ON
pants: SERIOUSLY I WILL BE WEARING FUCKING BELLS
pants: SO YOU WILL BE HEARING ME BEFORE I ARRIVE
pants: JINGLE JINGLE JINGLE AND THEN BOOM I'M THERE IN THE JIZZERY, FRONT ROW
pants: MAD RESPECT YO
pants: HAVE WE DISCUSSED REPLACING THE NUMBERS 3 AND 4 WITH KITTY AND CAT
pants: SO WE WOULD COUNT 1 2 KITTY CAT 5 6 7

pants: RUB-A-DUB-DUB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU AND ME IN SEPARATE BATHROOMS NOT EVEN THINKING GAY THINGS
deuce: CLEARLY THAT'S SUSTAINABLE SO IT'S OKAY
deuce: WHATEVER THAT FUCKING WORD MEANS BECAUSE IT'S USED SO OFTEN IN SO MANY COMPLETELY UNRELATED CONTEXTS
pants: JUSTIFY ME
deuce: CAN I JUST SHOOT MYSELF NOW
pants: WOMEN IN TECH

deuce: T PANTS I NEED TO CHECK YOUR PITOT TUBE
pants: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT
pants: OH RIGHT WHAT YOU AMERICANS CALL A "GLORIOUS HOLE" (LOOSELY TRANSLATED)

pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LAND
deuce: THISAWAY
pants: ALSO FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION:
pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LANE
deuce: ANSWER IS LESS CLEAR BUT TRY THISAWAY ALSO

spigot: ANAL MILFS / ANAL MILFS (SPIDERMAN THEME)

deuce: SO DO I SHOOT MYSELF NOW OR SHOOT BOTH OF YOU AND THEN SHOOT MYSELF
pants: CHRIST I DON'T KNOW
pants: PICK ONE

spigot: OOF OW WHAT THE
spigot: JESUS GOD UNDER MY DESK
spigot: SON OF  WHAT

pants: I'M SORRY FOR ALL THE DINOSAURS
pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT
pants: I NEED YOU TO HOLD STILL I CAN'T GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK WITHOUT YOUR HELP (OKAY, HERE WE GO)

spigot: ...:::;;;===((({{{[[[<<< HI >>>]]]}}})))===;;;:::...

spigot: T PANTS AM I GOING TO CRASH JERKCITY
pants: T SPIGOT GET OFF MY BACK IT WAS THE CAT WHO SPILLED THE BONG

deuce: [MASTER CAUTION] [MASTER ALARM] [MAIN BUS B UNDERVOLT] [DOOR AJAR]
spigot: HOW ABOUT I VENT THIS INTO SPACE (LONG LOUD FART)

deuce: DICKS
pants: FLOP AT LEAST ONE OF THEM OUT (UNCLEAR ON THE NUMBER OF DICKS THAT HUMANS ACTUALLY HAVE)

pants: JERKCITY: A SPACE ROCK OPERA

deuce: (FLASH) (EVERYTHING SUDDENLY BURSTS INTO FLAME) (BLAST WAVE DESTROYS EVERYTHING EXCEPT HEAVY BUILDINGS) (SHOCKWAVE ARRIVES, COMPROMISES INTEGRITY OF EVEN HEAVY BUILDINGS) (RETURN PRESSURE WAVE COLLAPSE ALL BUILDINGS) (FIREBALL REACHES SITE)

pants: JERKING OFF JESUS ON THE CROSS
deuce: HE'S ALREADY DEAD DUDE
deuce: YOU'RE BEATING OFF A DEAD MAN
deuce: YOU DON'T GET CREDIT FOR THAT
pants: HE WAS FINE A MINUTE AGO

spigot: FLAPPING THE LION'S MOUTH UP AND DOWN: PUT TRASH IN ME
spigot: YOUR BOTTLES, CANS AND WRAPPERS
spigot: HURRRRRRRRRR DUH I'M DEAD NOW

spigot: T DEUCE SITTING DOWN WITH HR AND ARRANGING 21 DAYS IN REHAB TO RECOVER FROM A POV OVERDOSE
spigot: ALSO I HAD A SPERM OVERLOAD A GANGBANG AUDITION AND A FACE FULL OF DIESEL

pants: DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  DICKS  
deuce: I DON'T SEE THE PATTERN
pants: WHAT'S DONE IS DONE

spigot: I HAVE TO OPEN SOMETHING?????
spigot: WHERE AM I GOING TO GET HOT
spigot: I HAVE TO WHAT??????????

pants: USE ARROW KEYS OR WASD TO LICK DICK. PRESS SPACE TO LICK DICK. PRESS SHIFT-F4 TO LICK DICK.
deuce: CTRL-F4 TO WIN
pants: NO THAT JUST LICKS DICK
pants: ALSO FOUND A BUG: WHEN I PRESS CTRL-F4 THE WORDS "YOU WIN" APPEAR ON THE SCREEN AND THE ANIMATION/MUSIC STOPS

spigot: I'M GAY
spigot: I'M GAY
spigot: IN A BIG BIG WAY
spigot: THESE COCKS AND BALLS
spigot: ARE HERE TO STAY

deuce: HURGGGLE BEATEN AND KICKED AND STRANGLED

spigot: BLAM BLAM BLAM
spigot: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM OH GOD ALL OVER AGAIN
spigot: WE SHOULDA SWEPT THE BUILDING

pants: I WANT TO BRING TOGETHER A BUNCH OF ALTERNATE REALITIES SO I CAN MEET STRAIGHT PANTS, COP PANTS, MARINE PANTS, MUSTACHE PANTS, BLACK PANTS, PANTS THE BOXER AND PANTS, FRIEND OF ANIMALS
pants: FLIP FLIP FLIP
pants: HIPSTER PANTS, RUNNING BACK PANTS (NOT NFL GOOD BUT PROFESSIONAL), ROCK STAR PANTS, TWITTER CELEBRITY PANTS, SECURITY GUARD-AS-A-CAREER PANTS, BROOKLYN PANTS, CANADA PANTS, FAT PANTS, FATTER PANTS
deuce: B-B-BUT

dick: T DEUCE IT'S YOUR TURN TO BE THE JERKCITY DEN MOTHER
deuce: T DICK BUK BUK BUK
deuce: I THOUGHT YOU SAID JERKCITY ***HEN*** MOTHER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
deuce: GET IT ????????????????????
deuce: PEOPLE ?????????????????????????????
deuce: I'M TAKING THIS SHIT TO BROADWAY IT'S OBVIOUSLY TOO HOT FOR YOU PEOPLE

deuce: WHY DOES NOT PANTS SING THE MEOW MIX SONG ?!?!?!?!?!?!? I MUST TAKE HIM IN FOR REPAIRS
net: T DEUCE HAVE YOU BEEN BUYING HIM MEOW MIX
deuce: T NET I HAVE BEEN BEATING HIM AND ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN HIM TO SING THIS FUCKING SONG
net: T DEUCE HE NEEDS THE MEOW MIX

spigot: SANJAY DUTT HEADS BACK TO JAIL
spigot: DOO DAH / DOO DAH
spigot: (LIGHTS CIGAR) IT'S GOTTA BE BOOM BOOM BOOM, JOKE JOKE JOKE (STAMPS OUT CIGAR)

pants: SURELY I WILL DIE A DAY LATER NOW

pants: WARM AND DRY
pants: I'M THE BEST AT WHAT I DO
pants: WHAT I DO ISN'T VERY SANITARY

spigot: HOW ABOUT A MUSEUM OF MODERN FARTS?!?!?!?!? WOULD THAT BE FUNNY!!!!!
deuce: HHHHHHH
deuce: (CHOKING)

spigot: IT WOULD BE A BUNCH OF TAPE RECORDERS PLAYING FARTS AND ALSO A HISTORY OF FARTS
deuce: STILL GOING ON ABOUT THE MUSEUM

spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO THINK IT INVOLVES PIE AND/OR YOU GIVING ME PIE

spigot: HUH?????? BETTER GOOGLE SHAY FOX NOODLE DICKS
deuce: EVERYTHING CONVERGES TO PORN

pants: LITTLE DID I KNOW... (TRAILS OFF)
pants: WHAM POW ZAP PUNCH KICK KISS SLURP DUH BARF
pants: IT STARTS NOW
pants: THIS ENDS HERE
pants: EXCUSE ME BUT MY EYES ARE UP HERE (PULLS DOWN TROUSERS)
pants: DOES THE THING
pants: ACCUSED BUT NEVER ADMITTING IT
pants: SIRS, MA'AM (PLEASANTRIES, TOILETRIES)

deuce: SHOUT IT OUT / SHOUT IT OUT / YAY COCK
deuce: MY BALLS ARE ONE-POINT SAFE

DEUCE: MY ASS IS LEAKY
DEUCE: CORKS ???!?!? PLUGS ?!?!?!?? WINE VATS ?!?!?!?
PANTS: ARE YOU A BONITA BANANA

spigot: WHY CAN'T EVERY SPORTS PERSON BE FOUND DEAD IN A BROTHEL
deuce: PATIENCE MY FRIEND

spigot: RESPECTFULLY I DON'T THINK KATIE GOLD IS A 'BUSTY' BEAUTY SO MAYBE WE COULD ALL REGROUP

deuce: YOU ARE GO FOR POO
deuce: DO NOT ENGAGE HOSTILES, THE POO IS YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY
deuce: ALL OTHER PRIORITIES RESCINDED.

deuce: (QUIETLY OVER INTERCOM) GHLGAHLGAHGL DICKS

spigot: IT'S DICKLICKING MONTH AT YOUR NORTHERN CALIFORNIA MAZDA DEALER
spigot: CERTIFIED PRE-OWNED COCKS IN YOUR FACE AND THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT
spigot: SOMEWHERE ON STEVENS CREEK BLVD

spigot: WHAT DO WE WANT?????
spigot: BIG DICKS
spigot: WHEN DO WE WANT THEM?????
spigot: OOP, DID NOT THINK THAT FAR AHEAD

deuce: HEY WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU BLAM SHRAPNEL SQUIRMING FOR A FEW MOMENTS DEAD

spigot: TONIGHT'S TOPIC: NAZI GERMANY
pants: WAS HITLER RIGHT OR JUST GOOD-LOOKING

spigot: I DON'T WANT TO SCARE ANYONE BUT
spigot: CHROME DIDN'T SHUT DOWN CORRECTLY.

pants: CRACKS KNUCKLES
spigot: WHY I OUGHTA (FARTS, FALLS)

spigot: HOW ABOUT
spigot: HOW ABOUT WHEN YOU LICK A DICK I GET A DOLLAR
spigot: I THINK IT'LL ADD UP
deuce: QUICK QUESTION. DOES YOU FORCING ME TO LICK YOUR DICK MEAN I STILL HAVE TO PAY

pants: DOY I'M A PACK-MANG DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH (EACH DUH PUNCTUATES A DOT BEING EATEN)
deuce: DUH DUH DUH SPROING OING OING (NOT DOING ANYTHING DIFFERENT) DUH DUH DUH DUH

deuce: CAN GOOGLE SEARCH GET EVEN FUCKING SHITTER DAY BY DAY OR WHAT PEOPLE
pants: HERE'S NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

spigot: FREEZE FRAME BEATING OFF: IT WAS OUTTA RESPECT

pants: THE GAME OF CORNHOLE

deuce: PA RUM PA PUM PUM / CUM IN MY BUM
spigot: AND THEN HE DIED AND THOSE ARE HIS LAST WORDS
spigot: DEUCE LOVED TO RHYME
spigot: WHETHER IT BE DICKS WITH PRICKS OR DONGS WITH TONGS OR BEERS WITH QUEERS
spigot: DEUCE LOVED TO LICK DICK
spigot: LIGHTS DIM, WHAT ABOUT LOVE, SLIDE SHOW
: DEUCE
: 1998-2015

pants: CLICK THE DICK
pants: GO ON
spigot: CLICK
pants: OKAY NOW PUT IT BACK IN THE BOX

spigot: LEFT CLICK??? RIGHT CLICK??? OPTION CLICK??? COMMAND CLICK??? SHIFT CLICK??? DID YOU MOD THE KEYBOARD SO SHIFT AND CTRL ARE REVERSED???? ARE MY TRACKPAD TAPS REGISTERING AS CLICKS?????
pants: LOOK I'M JUST
spigot: IF I GO BACK WILL MY CLICK BE CANCELLED OR WILL I GET CHARGED FOR A DOUBLE CLICK
pants: I REALLY DON'T
spigot: DO CLICK HERE OR DO I CLICK NOW OR DO I CLICK TO CHAT WITH A LIVE REPRESENTATIVE?????
pants: I JUST WANNA SAY

spigot: THE HIT MOVIE CLICK STARRING ADAM SANDLER ??????? CLICK IT OR TICKET ??????
pants: I'M NOT COMFORTABLE WITH
spigot: YOUR FONTS KERNING THE C AND L INTO A D !!!!!!!! DO YOU MEAN DICK THE DICK??????
pants: WHEN I WAS A BOY
spigot: SWISHING THE FLUORIDE FOR ONE FULL MINUTE
pants: JUICE ON MY CHIN

spigot: LAST CHANCE TO TELL ME I'M A FUCKHEAD
spigot: GOING ONCE
spigot: GOING TWICE

pants: DID YOU GET MY MESSAGE ABOUT OZONE AND THE PIG
spigot: I REALLY DID
pants: I JUST WANTED TO TALK ABOUT OZONE AND THE PIG SOME MORE
spigot: I'M HERE FOR YOU
pants: GOES IDLE FOR 17 HOURS

pants: UHM
atandt: YOU HAVE INTERESTING THEORIES SIR
pants: ERR
pants: TUGGING ON MY COLLAR

atandt: ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS
atandt; CARRY ONLY AUTHORIZED JERKCITY MERCHANDISE

pants: YOUR RAPE KIT ISN'T VERY ELABORATE 
pants: IT CONSISTS OF A BIG STICK
pants: WHICH WHILE EFFECTIVE IS NOT VERY INTERESTING
captain: GET OUTTA HERE

spigot: THE PORNOGRAPHY I ORDERED WITH MY CREDIT CARD OVER THE INTERNET ARRIVED TODAY
spigot: IT REALLY DOES WORK, NOT EVERYTHING'S A SCAM
captain: TAKE YOUR FRIEND WITH YOU

pants: TASTY WAVES, COOL SUMMERS AND BLOWIN' DUDES

spigot: FOLKS, GONNA START THE DRINKING EARLY SO I CAN GET A HEAD START ON MY AFTERNOON NAP

pants: HE JUST SUCKS OTHER PEOPLE OFF

Parallels Tools Installation Agent

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Installing Parallels Tools: 27%

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pants: AND IT'S A REGULAR-LIKE THING WITH HIM
pants: SIGN HERE AND HERE AND HERE AND INITIAL HERE

spigot: REMEMBER TO GET OUT AND VOTE
pants: WOULD SIR LIKE ICE IN HIS PELLEGRINO
spigot: UM, UNLESS THE ICE IS CARBONATED THE ANSWER IS NO
pants: THE BREAD GUY RESPECTFULLY REQUESTS THAT HE MAY BE ALLOWED TO LEAVE HIS SHIRT ON

spigot: I'M GOING TO TAKE ALL YOUR HATE AND PIPE IT IN TO SMILES.PY AND EMAIL YOU THE RESULTING SUNSHINE
spigot: VALUEERROR: MATH DOMAIN ERROR
spigot: OK HOLD ON

spigot: UNBOUNDLOCALERROR: LOCAL VARIABLE 'SMILES' REFERENCED BEFORE ASSIGNMENT
spigot: SEC
spigot: IT'LL BE EASIER FOR ME TO TAKE YOUR ABUSE RATHER THAN FIX SMILES.PY

spigot: PLAINTIFF IN-N-OUT BURGERS, A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION ("PLAINTIFF" OR "IN-N-OUT") BY AND THROUGH ITS UNDERSIGNED COUNSEL
spigot: HAMBURGER SANDWICHES AND CHEESEBURGER SANDIWCHES, HOT COFFEE, AND MILKSHAKES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 030); MILK AND FRENCH FRIED POTATOES FOR CONSUMPTION ON OR OFF THE PREMISES (IC 029);
spigot: NOT ANOTHER WORD UNTIL I SEE A LAWYER

(spigot): ARE WE WORRIED THAT MAYBE MY DONG IS THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

pants: NUGGGH CHRIST
pants: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK LET'S GO FUCK FUCK MMM
pants: CHRIST
pants: NUGGH
spigot: WELL IF HE WASN'T DEAD TO ME BEFORE

pants: AHHHHHHHHHHHHH MOUTH OPEN WIDE TO RECEIVE
pants: TO RECEIVE UH
pants: WELL
spigot: GURK GLK GLK SPLK PLUP
pants: TO RECEIVE DATA IS MY BEST GUESS
spigot: NOT QUITE MY TEMPO

spigot: CHRIST JESUS
spigot: AAAAAAAAAAAA YELLED THE STEPHEN KING CHARACTER AAAAAAA AAAAA
spigot: TIME TO SMOKE DOPE AND FORGET

pants: BEAT ME OFF AT AN EARLY-AFTERNOON SHOWING OF THE PEANUTS MOVIE
pants: BE SUBTLE ABOUT IT

pants: WHY MUST WE ALWAYS
pants: WITH THE
pants: AND SO IT GOES

pants: WHEN THE DICKY BIRD FLAPS INTO THE ROOM EVERYBODY SITS UP AND TAKES NOTICE

deuce: (POPS THE COCK OUT OF HIS MOUTH) WAIT YOU CAN GET AIDS THIS WAY (POPS IT BACK IN, GOES ABOUT HIS BUSINESS)
deuce: NOT BLOWING IT IN A GAY WAY, JUST KIND OF A LOLLIPOP THING
spigot: PANTS LOVED TO LICK DICK

deuce: BUT THEN HE JUST RETURNS TO THE COMIC IN A RANDOM STRIP WITH OTHERS WITH NO FANFARE, NO EXPLANATION, NEVER MENTIONED AGAIN
pants: RELEASING THE FARTS
spigot: HURRR

spigot: T PANTS BY THE WAY I AM GIVING A 5-STAR REVIEW ON YELP FOR THE DEUCE TRIBUTE STRIP
spigot: DO WE NEED A 30-MIN DOCUMENTARY ON THE MAKING OF
deuce: KEEP ME OUT OF THIS HOMOSEXUAL GAYNESS

pants: T DEUCE WHAT'S IT LIKE TO BE A DEAD FAGGOT
deuce: UNINTERESTING
deuce: I MEAN I'M NOT A FAGGOT
pants: WHAT DO YOU SEE ON THE OTHER SIDE

deuce: MY HANDS ARE COLD
deuce: WARM THEM WITH YOUR HEART
deuce: I MEAN YOUR ENTRAILS
deuce: SO YEAH YOUR HEART

deuce: NOW MAKE NO MISTAKE
deuce: THIS WILL HURT VERY BADLY

pants: BELL
pants: BIV
pants: DEVOE

spigot: SPECIAL MESSAGE TO THE GROUP OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT ANCHORMAN IN THE BREAK ROOM: DIE AND BE DEAD

pants: I'M AN EGG CARTON
deuce: I AM WRAPPING YOU CAREFULLY AND DROPPING YOU FROM A TALL BUILDING IN SOME SORT OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SCIENCE EXPERIMENT
pants: ALL I KNOW IS WHEN YOU GO TO DIG ME UP IN TEN YEARS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND ME
deuce: SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL

spigot: I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH EVERYONE I MEET I'VE GOT DICKS TO LICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: I DON'T NEED NO CLINGING VINES
deuce: SOME MANNER OF HORRIBLE RASH

pants: DICK(S)
deuce: NOW THAT PANTS IS GONE WE CAN FINALLY WREST CONTROL OF JERKCITY AWAY FROM HIS TYRANNICAL RULE
deuce: I MEAN OH HI PANTS
pants: HI

deuce: DO YOU THINK THAT IF ABRAHAM LINCOLN WERE ALIVE TODAY HE WOULD STILL LICK DICK
spigot: LONG ENOUGH TO REACH THE GROUND

pants: DOES MY BONER NEED ITS OWN SEPARATE PASSPORT OR CAN I JUST WAVE HIM THROUGH

pants: STUFF MY FANNY WITH POO
spigot: DID YOU MEAN FANNY PACK
spigot: BECAUSE YOUR FANNY MIGHT ALREADY BE FULL!!!!!!!
spigot: OR AM I PACKING THE FANNY
spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL
spigot: SENDING YOU A CALENDAR INVITE
spigot: MONDAY MORNING AT 6:30 WORK FOR YOU??????
spigot: IT WILL BE AN ALL-DAY EVENT
spigot: STRETCHING THE RIBBON ACROSS THE ENTIRE WEEK AND AROUND THE MOON
spigot: YOU HAVE RECEIVED AN INVITATION TO COLLABORATE!!!!!!!!
spigot: A KICK-OFF CALL!!!!!!!!!!
spigot: FOLLOWED BY A VERY IMPORTANT ONE ON ONE
spigot: AND A SELF REVIEW
spigot: AND A PERFORMANCE EVALUATION
spigot: IT'S NOT WORKING OUT AND HERE'S A BOX
spigot: GUESS YOU CAN PACK THAT!!!!!!!
spigot: SUBJECT: EXIT INTERVIEW MON 6:30AM
spigot: SUBJECT: DID YOU GET MY MAIL
spigot: SUBJECT: LEFT YOUR POO IN THE STAIRWELL

spigot: KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
spigot: WAIT I HAVE A KEY ACTUALLY
spigot: SMASH

spigot: LOWERING OURSELVES IN THROUGH THE BATHROOM SKYLIGHT
pants: TRYING TO TAKE A SHIT HERE
spigot: GOOD DAY TO YOU

deuce: SIR
pants: COME ON SURE IT IS
deuce: THAT'S NOT
deuce: SIR
pants: MAN UP

pants: T DEUCE DO YOU STILL RUN A DETECTIVE AGENCY
pants: T DEUCE DO YOU
deuce: T PANTS I DO BUT I'M NOT CURRENTLY TAKING ANY MORE CLIENTS

spigot: AND HE SUCKED IT, HE DIDN'T SLIP ON IT OR JUST LOOK AT IT THROUGH A WINDOW

deuce: FOR WHOM THE DONG TOLLS
pants: KAFF
deuce: T PANTS I HAVE NOTHING OF RELEVANCE TO ADD
pants: T DEUCE KAFF

pants: T DEUCE BE MY BUTTERCUP
pants: HELLO
pants: HELLOOOO
deuce: SORRY WE SEEM TO HAVE BEEN DISCONNECTED

pants: DID YOU MEAN 'SLINKY BUBBLE-BUTTED TWINKS'?
deuce: DISGUSTING
deuce: YOU KNOW THAT'S NOT HOW I LIKE MY TWINKS
deuce: QUICK FOLLOWUP: WHAT'S A TWINK
pants: IT'S A COFFEE DRINK WHERE YOU ADD ESPRESSO TO A CUP OF HOT WATER

pants: VISIT MY TAINT
deuce: YAY
pants: BRING BACK SOME PINEAPPLE
pants: HEY LET'S PLAY JESUS BALL
deuce: HOW DO YOU PLAY

deuce: WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT ANGER IT
deuce: OR DRAW ITS ATTENTION
deuce: OR CALL OUT TO IT
deuce: OR MAKE ANY NOISE
deuce: OR BREATHE
deuce: OR EXIST
pants: DICKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
pants: SORRY
deuce: *** YOU HAVE DIED ***

deuce: I HAVE REVIEWED YOUR LIFE'S WORK AND FOUND IT [ ] SATISFACTORY [ ] WANTING [ ] UNACCEPTABLE

pants: OZONE AND / THE PIG (TO THE TUNE OF "BRIDAL CHORUS" BETTER KNOWN AS "HERE COMES THE BRIDE")
hanford: YOU BE QUIET, OZONE AND THE PIG GOT PUSHED BACK TO 2016
pants: BHGLAUHGLUAH GAHGLUAG IT'S LIKE CALCUTTA IN HERE HLAGHLUAHGLUAHG
pants: I'VE GOT WISDOM THAT I WANT TO PASS ON
hanford: GET OUT FROM UNDER THE SINK WE'VE GOT REHEARSAL

pants: YOU MIGHT SAY I'M A GAS PLANET

pants: T DEUCE DO WE WANT POTATOES OR YAMS FOR OUR JERKCITY CHRISTMAS
deuce: PEANUTS, POPCORN, PRESENTS
pants: SO YAMS THEN
deuce: I GUESS

spigot: IT'S SUPPOSED TO WHAP WHAP WHAP AGAINST YOUR FACE WHILE YOU BLINK AND SQUINCH UP

pants: PUNCH IT
pants: PUT A CLOTHESPIN ON IT
pants: STUFF IT UNDER THE SINK
pants: SPIN IN AROUND REAL FAST-LIKE
pants: MAKE IT SIT IN THE BACK SEAT
pants: CHOP IT UP, PUT IT IN THE STEW
pants: HANG IT UNTIL DEAD
pants: DIP IT IN THE CREEK

pants: A GUIDE TO FULLY HOMOMORPHIC ENCRYPTION
deuce: AS LONG AS IT'S NOT HOMEOMORPHIC

spigot: T DEUCE IS THERE ANYONE IN THE MARVEL OR DC UNIVERSE WHO CAN GET SOFT ON DEMAND
deuce: THAT'S ONLY AVAILABLE IN EARTH-636