deuce: THERE'S NO WAY THAT JBOD DOES NOT STAND FOR JUST A BAG OF [STATIC]

spigot: I JUST SHOWED MY NUTS TO JEAN-CHARLES AND HE DIDN'T THINK IT WAS SO FUNNY deuce: OH IS THAT BECAUSE HE'S FRENCH spigot: AND FAT, YOU KEEP FORGETTING deuce: RIGHT YEAH THANKS

pants: YOU HAVE RUINED THE QUEEN'S SURPRISE BIRTHDAY, YOU FOOL spigot: THEY WILL NEVER SEE ME IN THE HOTEL WITH THIS OUTRAGEOUS DISGUISE pants: OH MY GOODNESS THE TOILET IS OVERFLOWING spigot: HOW CAN YOU STACK THE CHEESES SO HIGH, THEY WILL SURELY TOPPLE pants: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE EATEN ALL THAT BRIE spigot: THE PASTRIES ARE COMING TOO FAST DOWN THE CHUTE (I MUST CATCH THEM ALL AND YET I AM DRUNK WITH WINE)

spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU CANNOT LADLE THE SAVORY CREPE BATTER ONTO THE SKILLET AND SIMULTANEOUSLY FLY THE HELICOPTER spigot: OH ZE FRENCH SPORTS STARS spigot: ZE SEVEN FRENCH SPORTS STARS JEAN-CHARLES YOU CLUMSY CLOD spigot: NOW THERE ARE NO FRENCH SPORTS STARS spigot: JEAN-CHARLES YOU HAVE INSTEAD USED THE SWEET CREPE BATTER!!!!!!!!! pants: MALAYSIA AIRLINES TOWELETTE FOUND ON WESTERN AUSTRALIA BEACH spigot: JEAN-CHARLES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: YOU BLEW MY MIND deuce: THEN I FORCED YOU TO BLOW ME deuce: AND ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD deuce: ZOOM OUT, PAN AND FADE

spigot: CLIP CLOP CLIP CLOP HERE COME THE HORSES spigot: HOLY CHRIST THEY'RE CRAPPING ALL OVER THE STAGE spigot: WHAT A CRAZY MESS YOU HAVE MADE JEAN-CHARLES spigot: J'TAIME pants: AND THE PRESIDENT OF THE BANK WILL BE HERE ANY MINUTE spigot: ALL OVER THE SIDEWALK OUTSIDE THE CAFE THIS IS A CATASTROPHE spigot: QUICKLY, TAKE THESE SACKS OF FLOUR AND *POOMPH* spigot: JEAN CHARLES YOU KLUTZ spigot: JEAN CHARLES YOU HAVE SOILED YOUR LAST PAIR OF TROUSERS AND TODAY IS PICTURE DAY

spigot: I'M A LIMPWRITHTED JEDI MATHTER UTHING THE FORTH

spigot: I'VE MAINTAINED MY POSITION ON LOCKS/DEADBOLTS FOR OVER 20 YEARS: JEERS

pants: T SPIGOT SPOILER ALERT FOR DAHMER ON NETFLIX: pants: (GAY THEMES)

pants: LET'S INVENT MINECRAFT AND THEN EAT JELLYBEANS UNTIL WE ARE SICK

spigot: MA'AM, EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE. spigot: I'M A PARAMEDIC. YOU'RE HAVING A STROKE. spigot: PLEASE LAY DOWN WITH BOTH FEET SLIGHTLY ELEVATED OVER MY SHOULDERS :jellybeans: OUT OF BOTH POCKETS spigot: WHEN ARE WE GOING TO HAVE TWO FACTOR ***DEAUTH***

spigot: TRY MAKING FIG NEWTONS WITHOUT FIGS AND ADD PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY spigot: YOU STUPID SHITS spigot: MAYBE SLIGHTLY MORE JELLY THAN PEANUT BUTTER deuce: AND THUS, SPIGOT INVENTED THE JELLY NEWTON deuce: DEUCE INSISTED IT BE CALLED THE JELLY LEIBNIZ, BUT SPIGOT VEHEMENTLY DISAGREED. YEARS OF LAWSUITS ENSUED deuce: BOTH DIED OF OLD AGE BEFORE THE CASE WAS SETTLED

deuce: I'M A JERK BUG pants: BUGGERY IT IS THEN deuce: BUT WAIT I

spigot: SO LONG STUPID CUBE WHERE DORKS CAN TALK AND PEOPLE CAN SEE MY PORN spigot: HELLO DARK LONELY LAB WITH A LOCK ON THE DOOR AND COMPLETE PRIVACY spigot: IMPORTANT WORK GOING ON IN HERE spigot: HURF BURF BREASTS

deuce: I'M JUST A JERK MACHINE

deuce: I'M A FRESH MORNING BONER deuce: JERK ME BEFORE YOU HAVE TO GO TO WORK

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO GO OVER THE OUTLINE FOR THE EVENING AGAIN PLZ spigot: JERK, THEN THE PIZZA ARRIVES, THEN BED spigot: THE VIRGIN MARY APPEARED BEFORE ME AND THEN TOLD ME TO GO LICK DICK SO OPEN UP SIR (JINGLE CLICK) deuce: THIS ISN'T STILL PART OF MY ITINERARY IS IT

deuce: WHY DON'T YOU PEOPLE LOVE ME pants: I JERK TWO DICKS BEFORE I JERK TWO DICKS pants: IT MAKES ME FEEL ALL RIGHT pants: HONK HONK HONK deuce: I DON'T UNDERSTAND

spigot: T PANTS IT TURNS OUT "NADS" IS SHORT FOR "GONADS" WHICH IS SLANG FOR BALLS spigot: ANYWAY I GOT KICKED THERE pants: YOU CAN STILL PAY RENT THROUGH RIGHT pants: A KNOCK TO THE NUTS (E.G. TESTICLES) SHOULDN'T PREVENT YOU FROM WRITING CHECKS spigot: ACTUALLY THE BONE THAT CONNECTS MY NUTS TO MY WRIST IS SPRAINED spigot: THAT'S MY JERKBONE spigot: POSSIBLY MY JIZZBONE, I'M NOT A DOCTOR

deuce: GLHGAHLGALHG dick: I HAVEN'T HAD A GOOD "GLHGAHLGALHG" IN AGES

pants: YOU THINK SO HUH pants: IF YOU CALL THE COPS SO HELP ME GOD I'LL FUCK YOU INSIDE OUT AND PUT YOUR BODY IN A DRUM pants: VALHALLA I AM COMING

pants: DO ME IN pants: JERKCITY-101 ONLY AVAILABLE EVERY OTHER QUARTER pants: OKAY THAT'S IT I'M LICKING THEM ALL OVER AGAIN FROM THE START HLUGAB HLUABGLUHALBAG :HGSA:AHG:LAGADYFG OW OW OW QUIT IT LAHGHALUGHULAHUUGLAG

deuce: IS THIS THE PART WHERE SPIGOT EXPOSES HIMSELF AND deuce: UH deuce: AND WE ALL UNCOMFORTABLY PRETEND WE CAN'T SEE HIM

pants: THIS IS JERKCITY 911 WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY atandt: THE BAD MAN HIT ME pants: YOU DON'T SAY atandt: WAL-MART ROLLS OUT 88 PER SONG SERVICE pants: CALLER WHAT IS YOUR EMERGENCY atandt: MOLEMEN WITH CHARCOAL HEARTS

deuce: JERKCITY ALARM spigot: IS THAT ANYTHING LIKE THE RAVE ALARM (WEARING MY TIGHT PANTS)

spigot: OKAY PEOPLE HERE'S A LIST OF EVERYTHING I'VE ACCOMPLISHED THIS WEEK:

SPIGOT: HELLO SPIGOT: SPECIAL CHRISTMAS MESSAGE FOR ALL MY JERKCITY FRIENDS SPIGOT: HO HO SPIGOT: HOO DUH SPIGOT: SUCKING IT

pants: -----BEGIN COMPRESSED RSA ENCRYPTED MESSAGE----- pants: HALGHALUG BLAHUA NUGGGGGH ANAL UHBLALAG SPIT DUH AHLUGHLAUG HBAGLUHAGHLAG pants: -----END COMPRESSED RSA ENCRYPTED MESSAGE-----

: Tonight's episode of Spigot the Bear was made possible with a [REDACTED] from Jerkcity and viewers like you. spigot: OKAY HOME TO SPURT EVERYONE spigot: SO NO PHONE CALLS PLEASE

spigot: STEP ONE IS TO SOAK ME WITH A LOAD OF SPURT spigot: STEP TWO IS TO RUN AWAY atandt: NOT EVEN A HANDI-WIPE???? ???????// spigot: LET'S NOT GET AHEAD OF OURSELVES

pants: WE'RE INTERACTING IN A VIRTUAL ENVIRONMENT deuce: T PANTS GROSS

spigot: MY MOUTH IS A ROCKY PLACE WHERE YOUR SEED CAN FIND NO PURCHASE pants: CALL THE ENCLAVE

pants: JERKCITY FOREVER pants: FOREVER AND EVER pants: AMEN BROTHER

pants: STILL HERE pants: STILL TURNING THE CRANK, MAKING MORE pants: STILL MASTURBATING NIGHTLY TO THE WEIRD PANTS FACE pants: STILL CHOKING THEM UNCONSCIOUS THEN RUNNING AWAY WITHOUT PAYING pants: STILL DAYDREAMING ABOUT THE BRUISES I LEFT ON YOU pants: STILL RUBBING YOUR NOSE IN IT pants: STILL MOPPING IT UP WITH YOUR HAIR pants: JERKCITY FOREVER

spigot: HEY EVERYONE spigot: WHAT A SWANK SWINGIN' SCENE THIS IS WITH COCKTAILS AND FANCY TIES spigot: WAIT A MINUTE spigot: HUBRLBLHLBJHLURUBLE THIS IS A GAY PARTY HUBLAUBH spigot: PTH PTHTHTHTH GET OFF ME

pants: SHIT MAN MAYBE AFTER I'VE HAD MY COFFEE THEN WE CAN START TALKING ABOUT THE pants: OH SHIT WE'RE TOTALLY LIVE !!! COUGH COUGH COUGH DUDE pants: JEAN-CHARLES HOW COULD YOU MISTAKE THE SCREAM FOR A RESTAURANT MENU !!! YOU MUST RETURN THE PAINTING AT ONCE BEFORE ANYBODY NOTICES deuce: %RANDOM

spigot: FOLKS IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT JERKCITY YOU CAN DO IT WITH ANONYMOUS DOLLARS SO I CAN'T TRACE IT BACK TO YOUR FUCKING SPEECH & DEBATE TEAM!!!!! OKAY?!?!?! AND GIRLS PLEASE: READ A BARELY LEGAL BEFORE RINGING MY DOORBELL

hanford: JERKCITY IS MADE POSSIBLE BY A GRANT FROM THE EXXON CORPORATION hanford: AND VIEWERS LIKE YOU hanford: HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE pants: I BROKE A WINDOW

deuce: THEY'RE PEOPLE TOO pants: NOT REALLY deuce: THEY WERE ONCE PEOPLE BUT ARE NOW EMPTY SHELLS WHICH CAN BE USED FOR THINGS deuce: SO SEND IN THAT MONEY PEOPLE

deuce: LET'S TAKE OUT THAT HEROIN AND REPLACE IT WITH A HAMBURGER !!!! pants: HORNING IN ON JERKCITY PLEDGE WEEK pants: DIVERT FUNDS TO FUDGE

spigot: SALON HAS INCURRED SIGNIFICANT NET LOSSES AND NEGATIVE CASH FLOWS FROM OPERATIONS SINCE ITS INCEPTION. spigot: AS OF MARCH 31, 2002, SALON HAD AN ACCUMULATED DEFICIT OF $76.6 MILLION. spigot: DISCUSS! SALON PREMIUM SUBSCRIBERS ONLY.

spigot: JERKCITY PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I'VE SEEN BIGGER STARS AFTER SITTING ON MY NUTS

spigot: FOLKS spigot: I AM UNVEILING NEW LEGISLATION THAT WILL TARGET ONLINE PEDOPHILES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: IT IS CALLED ME WITH MY PANTS DOWN

hanford: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM TO REPORT hanford: AS OF THE OTHER DAY, THE CAST OF JERKCITY IS ON STRIKE hanford: WE HAVE MANAGED TO ARRANGE ALTERNATE ENTERTAINMENT hanford: I HOPE YOU ALL DON'T MIND A GARDENING SERIES IN PLACE OF THE USUAL hanford: GIVEN THE BUDGET CONSTRAINTS, IT WAS THE BEST WE COULD DO ON SHORT NOTICE hanford: WE WILL KEEP YOU UPDATED ON THE STRIKE hanford: IN THE MEANTIME, PLEASE ENJOY "UNTITLED GARDENING PROJECT"

hanford: IT ONLY SEEMS FAIR THAT YOU SHOULD HAVE TO LEARN YOUR LINES pants: I CANNOT AFFORD THE DILLY-DALLY pants: ARE YOU THE MAN WITH THE FOUR WAY HIPS atandt: SERIOUSLY LOOK HOW WIDE MY MOUTH IS hanford: IS IT FAIR TO SAY THAT NEGOTIATIONS ARE STALLED pants: I LIKE THE SOUND OF THAT atandt: SOME KIND OF QUEER GERBIL WITH A FEZ AND LEDERHOSEN hanford: APBNEWS.COM OR LIVING.COM MIGHT BUY US pants: I WANT TO SUCK YOUR COCK atandt: I CALL THIS MY FIGHTING IRISH POSE pants: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU atandt: I'M NOT ON STRIKE pants: SCAB

atandt: CHOOSY MOTHERS CHOOSE JPG atandt: THOSE BASTARDS BURNED DOWN THE SET DURING LAST NIGHT'S FOOD RIOTS atandt: SOYLENT GREEN IS DELICIOUS pants: SCAB !!!!!!!!

pants: AND I'M ALL NO WAY ASSHOLE pants: AND HE'S ALL I'M GOING TO SUCK THAT DICK OF YOURS deuce: T PANTS NEITHER OF US ARE SMART ENOUGH TO MAKE IT INTO COLLEGE pants: AND I'M LIKE NOT EVEN

spigot: I AM TRULY UNDER THE SEA spigot: SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK spigot: WELL HERE COMES THE UNDERWATER DESSERT CART RIGHT NOW spigot: THESE PASTRIES AND PIES ARE SOAKING WET BUT WHO CARES spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH LEMON HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH HOMPH APRICOT spigot: NEXT TIME I'LL BE AN ASTRONAUT SO I CAN SAMPLE THE DELICIOUS SPACE CAKES spigot: GLUB spigot: GLUB

pants: MERRY XMAS ???? GROSS !!!!!!!! ALL OVER THE CARPET AND MY SHOES pants: I TOLD YOU I WAS HARDCORE (ACTUALLY SOFTCORE, NO PENETRATION OCCURS) atandt: FANCY THAT pants: TONIGHT'S MENU: CHOCOLATE MILK AND BONGHITS

pants: GO GO GO pants: STORM THE FRONT pants: FIRE IN THE HOLE pants: STICK TOGETHER TEAM pants: TAKING FIRE NEED ASSISTANCE pants: GET OUTTA THERE SHE'S GONNA BLOW pants: TERRORISTS WIN pants: DOES THIS COUNT TOWARDS COMMUNITY SERVICE

spigot: CAUSE IF YOU LICK MY DICK spigot: MY ACHEY BREAKY DICK spigot: HELLO

atandt: HERE'S THE PITCH: atandt: THE MOVIE TAKES PLACE UP MY ASS atandt: WITH FLASHBACKS TO MY COCK AND BALLS

spigot: THINKING HOW PLEASANT IT WOULD BE THROW A BIG AUSTIN INDIAN BLANKET OVER HER, ROLL HER UP INTO A VAN, GO FOR A DRIVE, DUMP HER INTO A PRE-MADE HOLE pants: IN THE FILM VERSION THE AUDIENCE THINKS I'M RACING TO TEXAS TO STOP YOU BUT AFTER A SERIES OF FLASHBACKS IT BECOMES CLEAR I'M GOING THERE TO HELP YOU :Microsoft Chat [X] : /!\ The user pants is not connected. : [ OK ]

deuce: THERE'S NO SUCH THING / AS A DICKLICKER TREE deuce: WHAT'S A JOKE ON YOU / IS A JOKE ON ME pants: GIRLS pants: ON pants: FILM

spigot: IF YOU SEE A PENIS IN ACT ONE spigot: THERE BETTER BE A PENIS IN ACTS 2 AND 3 spigot: AND I WANT EXTRA PENISES AFTER THE CREDITS spigot: ACTUALLY WHY ARE WE BOTHERING WITH THE WHOLE PRODUCTION

spigot: FLYING AND SOARING AND JERKING THE JOYSTICK AND HITTING MY HEAD AND FACE

spigot: OUR CAMERAS ARE PERMANENTLY AIMED DOWN AT THE FLOOR FOR MAXIMUM SHOE AND FOOT-FOCUSED WHATNOT spigot: ALSO ALL THE LADIES HAVE DICKS AND WE ARE LETTING ASIAN PEOPLE DO PORN NOW spigot: OH . . . . . . AND _ONE MORE THING!!!!!!!!!!!_ IF THE MARKET DOES NOT RESPOND WE ARE ALSO AGGRESIVELY PUSHING JERKOFF INSTRUCTION AND JERKOFF ENCOURAGEMENT deuce: BECAUSE EVERYONE NEEDS THAT

pants: J/O bung: I LIKE THE SMURFS bung: WHICH SMURF DO YOU LIKE? pants: J/O bung: I DON'T KNOW J/O SMURF. WHAT DOES HE DO? pants: J/O

atandt: THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY JERK SYSTEM atandt: THE JERK YOU'VE JUST HEARD WAS A TEST atandt: IF THIS WAS AN ACTUAL JERK atandt: YOU'D BE ALL STICKY

pants: JESUS THE GAYNESS IS OVERWELMING deuce: YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO CONTROL IT OR YOU WILL NEVER SURVIVE IN THE WILD

: The one on the left is a famous, international playboy with a huge package. The one on the right will bite and clamp. Do not handle either one without tongs. deuce: HOLD ME pants: I CANNOT GET A GOOD GRIP (YOU ARE COVERED IN GREASE) deuce: HIP DEEP IN FILTH pants: YET WILLING TO CONTINUE

pants: VISIT MY TAINT deuce: YAY pants: BRING BACK SOME PINEAPPLE pants: HEY LET'S PLAY JESUS BALL deuce: HOW DO YOU PLAY

pants: GRABAPPLES pants: YAMSTANDS pants: TRANNIEFACTOR pants: UNNOMENCLATURE pants: JESUS CHRIST MARIE THEY'RE COCKS (IN YOUR FACE)

spigot: FOLKS WE'LL NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER FUCKING FIGURE OUT WHAT SPACE AND THE UNIVERSE IS FOR SO LET'S LINE UP FOR BURGERS AND PORN AND DOPE AND BLOWJOBS!!!!!!! deuce: IN THAT ORDER??/ spigot: YOU'LL NOTICE CHRIST NEVER APPEARS IN THE ASTRONOMY PICTURE OF THE DAY spigot: MAYBE YOU CAN ONLY SEE JESUS BY DRINKING OR ROBBING A CHECK CASHING STORE

atandt: T DEUCE LOVE

atandt: THAT'S RIGHT atandt: SON OF GOD, LORD AND SAVIOR atandt: THROWING THE MONEYLENDERS OUT OF THE BATHROOM STALLS atandt: THEN SNEAKING THEM BACK IN LATER FOR SOME WELL-DESERVED R&R atandt: (I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT THAT STANDS FOR) atandt: ANYHOO IF YOU NEED ME I'LL BE A CAVE UNTIL EASTER atandt: ACTUALLY A LOVELY LITTLE CAFE ON THE WEST SIDE atandt: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN

spigot: OOF OW WHAT THE spigot: JESUS GOD UNDER MY DESK spigot: SON OF WHAT

pants: I HAVE A COMPLAINT atandt: FOR THE LOVE OF pants: I WANT A NEW CHAIR atandt: WHAT THE pants: CAN WE JUST BE GAY THEN atandt: HOW IN THE HELL

deuce: JESUS KNOWS I'M A DICKLICKER atandt: JESUS KNOWS EVERYTHING atandt: ESPECIALLY THE DICKLICKING PART deuce: WELL IN THIS CASE HE KNOWS BECAUSE I TRIED TO LICK HIS DICK BUT YEAH

deuce: JESUS LOVES ME deuce: THIS I KNOW deuce: FOR THE LHULHLHULHLUHLUHULHLHULHULUHULULHULHULHULHULHULHULHULHU deuce: HULHULHULHULLHU EPILEPSY deuce: I AM CURSED FROM HEAVEN deuce: STONE ME deuce: STONE ME I SAY deuce: BONK HONK deuce: HELLO IS THIS THING ON deuce: ACADEMY FUCKING AWARD MATERIAL GOING ON HERE PEOPLE deuce: MOM

pants: JEWEL WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHO WILL SAVE MY SOUL (HELP ME OUT HERE) spigot: WHO WILL FILL HER FACE WITH SPURT I THINK IS WHAT SHE'S WORRIED ABOUT pants: NOW THAT YOU MENTION I THINK THAT IS WHAT SHE'S TELLING ME AFTER ALL pants: EXCUSE ME pants: (STARTS TO MASTURBATE) spigot: I WILL WAIT IN THE CAR pants: UNGH UFF UHHH pants: THAT WOULD BE BEST (CONTINUES) spigot: MAY I PLEASE HAVE THE KEYS (KFOG, LIVE 105)

spigot: LORD GOD YOU'RE BANGING MY YARMULKED HEAD AGAINST THE INCINERATOR deuce: YOUR WHAT HEAD spigot: JEWISH CAP deuce: IT'S CALLED A "BEANIE"

dick: #30 TURKEY BACON CLUB !!!!! deuce: #8 TURKEY ROAST BEEF AND CHEESE dick: NO #30 TURKEY BACON CLUB (I INSIST) deuce: #8 TURKEY ROAST BEEF AND CHEESE deuce: I SEE WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A WAR ON THIS

pants: JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK atandt: T PANTS PLZ NOTE THAT 'A.B.DICK' COMPANY INVENTED 'MIMEOGRAPH' pants: JIMMY CRACK CORN AND I SUCK DICK atandt: T PANTS THEREBY PAVING THE WAY TO MASS MARKET PORNOGRAPHY

spigot: SOUP OR NUTS, THEY'RE BOTH PAINFUL spigot: WE'VE GOT WHAT YOU NEED AT QUEER LAND spigot: QUEER UNTIL 2041

atandt: DUBLIN atandt: BERKELEY atandt: SAN LORENZO atandt: CUPERTINO atandt: SAN JOSE

deuce: DO NOT OPEN TILL XMAS pants: CAN'T HELP MYSELF pants: URF HUFF TUGGING ON THE BOW pants: ALMOST OPEN ... pants: HOLY GOD pants: A BIG FAT COCK LEAPED OUT OF THE BOX AND INTO MY MOUTH pants: THIS IS JUST WHAT I WANTED pants: NOW IF ONLY YOU'D STRANGLE ME WITH THE CHRISTMAS TREE LIGHTS deuce: 10-4

pants: t deuce could you remove your gold bracelets when you beat off all i hear is jingle jangle jingle jangle deuce: unf unf unf nope unf unf unf

spigot: APPEARS IN A POOFY CLOUD OF GAY FATNESS spigot: JIZZ ME UP PEOPLE

spigot: TAKE THE JIZZ QUIZ PEOPLE spigot: [A] NOT ENOUGH JIZZ spigot: [B] JUST ENOUGH JIZZ spigot: [C] WAY TOO MUCH JIZZ spigot: [D] SERIOUSLY ENOUGH WITH THE JIZZ

spigot: IMAGINING A GLOSS-FINISH ADULT VIDEO BOX COVER ADORNED WITH CLIP ART OF JIZZ SPLOPS AND VIDCAPS BUT THE TITLE IN NEON PINK IS SOMETHING LIKE IT'S OKAY WE CAN TRY AGAIN IN A FEW MINUTES spigot: THIS NEVER HAPPENS spigot: CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF WATER

pants: JIZZY JIM WE HARDLY KNEW YE (SERIOUSLY WE KNEW ALMOST NOTHING ABOUT THE MAN OTHER THAN HIS NAME AND HIS HOBBY) deuce: WE EXPLORED HIS ESTABLISHMENT AND IT WAS EMPTY pants: DID HE OWN THE BUILDING OR DID HE RENT pants: WHAT EXACTLY GOES ON IN THERE (WE CAN TAKE EDUCATED GUESSES BUT WE'LL NEVER KNOW FOR SURE)

spigot: GRACE MY FACE WITH JIZZY LACE spigot: I KNOW YOU CAN HEAR ME

atandt: HELLO ozone: HEY atandt: I'M HERE ABOUT THE JOB deuce: THE POSITION IS TAKEN ozone: YOU MEAN THE BLOW JOB? atandt: I WILL BE GOING

pants: WATCH ME BEAT OFF WITH NOTHING BUT MY HANDS AND PORNOGRAPHY deuce: YOU SURE NEED A LOT OF PROPS pants: NOT ALL OF US CAN DO IT WITH OUR MINDS ALONE **DEUCE**

spigot: CONCERNED ABOUT THE GAS STATION OFFERING CASSETTES ENTITLED JOCK JAMS pants: WHICH GAS STATION pants: I MEAN THAT'S HORRIBLE

deuce: WHO WANTS TO WATCH THE POSTMAN WITH ME !!!! deuce: (NOTE THE EXCLAMATION MARKS INDICATE AN IMPERATIVE NOT AN INTERROGATIVE BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT YOUR ANSWER WOULD BE) deuce: I USED THE SUBJUNCTIVE IN THAT SENTENCE

deuce: T PANTS IN THE TAQUERIA WHERE I GOT THIS DELICIOUS BURRITO JOHN CARTER OF MARS WAS PLAYING ON THE TV (DUBBED IN SPANISH) pants: TOILET WAS APPROVED AS PART OF UNICODE 6.0 IN 2010 AND ADDED TO EMOJI 1.0 IN 2015. deuce: WHAT ABOUT A FUCKING DUCK pants: DUCK WAS APPROVED AS PART OF UNICODE 9.0 IN 2016 AND ADDED TO EMOJI 3.0 IN 2016.

deuce: T PANTS IN THE TAQUERIA WHERE I GOT THIS DELICIOUS BURRITO JOHN CARTER OF MARS WAS PLAYING ON THE TV (DUBBED IN SPANISH)

deuce: ASTRONAUTWEINERSIZES.INFO pants: <A HREF="HORSECOCK">JOHN GLENN</A> deuce: <SPAN CLASS="BEDWETTER">ALAN SHEPARD</SPAN>

spigot: *IT'S* A LIE spigot: NOTE HOW THE ICE CREAM SANDWICH WHEN VIEWED TOP-DOWN IS A MOON, BUT FROM THE SIDE PROVES THE MOON IS FLAT deuce: YOU'RE TALKIN' CRAZY TALK dick: JOHN GLENN OR GLENDA

atandt: I'M JOHN TRAVOLTA deuce: I KNEW IT atandt: HOLY deuce: GET 'IM deuce: MY BOWELS ARE GOING TO BURST atandt: HOLY (AGAIN FOR EFFECT)

deuce: what you need is some good jerk-off instruction spigot: via lynda.com

spigot: CAN WE GET THE JERKOFF INSTRUCTORS TO STOP PANTOMIMING THE BEAT-OFF MOTION spigot: MAYBE WE NEED JERKOFF INSTRUCTORS INSTRUCTORS

spigot: i drew a dick on a guy's face aimed at his mouth spigot: join me at siggraph

spigot: I CALL IT PHOTOSLOP!!!!!!! AND ADOBE MASTURBATOR!!!!! AND MACROMEDIA CRASH!!!!!! AHHAHAAH DOES ANYONE GET MY JOKES?!?!?!? JOIN THE TIRED COCKSUCKER WEBRING

pants: I WILL NOT SPEAK OF MY BONER'S SINS deuce: FOR THEY ARE JOINT AND SEVERAL

spigot: FOLKS DOES ANYONE HAVE THAT CLASSIC SOUND SAMPLE OF REN&STIMPY WHERE IT'S JUST HIM SAYING "JOY!!!!!" ??? I WOULD TOTALY LOVE TO PUT THAT ON MY (KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK) HANG ON CLOMP CLOMP CLOMP OW GOD GLK GAK HURMPH

spigot: you should be registering joyful noises unto the lord deuce: captain, I'm sensing anger

deuce: I HOPE ALL THE JUGGALOS ARE OKAY pants: YOU WORRY TOO MUCH DEAR pants: ALL GOOD JUGGALOS ARE ASLEEP AND DREAMING