pants: AND THAT'S WHY I WON'T EAT JULIA CHILD'S PUSSY deuce: LIKE SHE HAS ONE deuce: FFFFFFF spigot: F-FACIAL RECOGNITION????????

spigot: JULIE ANDREWS MAY NEVER SING AGAIN!?????????! deuce: SELF IMMOLATION I PRESUME pants: TOILETS spigot: SHE CAN STAR WITH CHRISTOPHER REEVE IN "THE WOMAN WHO CHOKED DOWN THE DICK OF A GUY WHO PROBABLY WASN'T EVEN AWARE OF IT" deuce: MY MOUTH IS TOILET COMPLIANT

pants: T SPIGOT HOW MANY CALORIES DO YOU HAVE LEFT TODAY??? I ONLY HAVE ABOUT 18,000 spigot: I ONLY HAVE 20 JUMBO ICED CINNAMON ROLLS REMAINING pants: SHOULD I OPEN COCKBARF.EXE OR DO WE THINK THAT MIGHT BE A SCAM

pants: ?????? ?????? pants: THESE ARE ANIMALS I WANNA FUCK

pants: CAN YOU BELIEVE LITTLE BUNNY FOO FOO IS ALREADY ELIGIBLE FOR SOCIAL SECURITY deuce: BECAUSE OF DISABILITY (BUNNY FOO FOO IS SEVERELY RETARDED) pants: IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY, PLEASE POST A NOTICE ON THE BLOG PAGE OF THIS WEBSITE

pants: WEAR THIS BIKINI TOO pants: REALLY SMOOSH/STUFF YOUR JUNK UNDER THERE deuce: WHAT IF IT POKES OUT pants: WE BOTH KNOW IT WILL

pants: LICKING DICK WITHOUT LICKING DICK ozone: EXISTENTIALISM AT ITS FINEST pants: ZEN BONERS THAT IT'S LIKE WOW HIGH PITCHED NOISES AND DARKNESS FOR AN UNDETERMINED PERIOD OF TIME AND THEN OH SHIT HOW DID WE ALL GET IN HERE LIKE HAMSTERS LISTENING TO PRODIGY, BACH ozone: OR JUST A BUNCH OF FAGGOTS (MUST CHECK NOTES) pants: ONE BULLET WOUND TO THE RIGHT TEMPLE deuce: TO GO

pants: KEEP ’EM COMING (STAMPS OUT CIGAR BUT IT WAS NEVER LIT) (LIGHTS STAMPED OUT CIGAR)

pants: IT WAS ALL A DREAM

pants: THIS JUST IN: pants: WIN PRIZES AT TWITTER.COM/DEUCEATJERKCITY

deuce: GANGLY WET STREAMS OF URINE spigot: DOES LIKING THAT MAKE ME GAY OR JUST A PERVERT

pants: FOR GOD AND COUNTRY pants: HALGHAULGHALHLUAG pants: FOR THE QUEEN pants: BGLAUHGLAGHLAGHLUAG pants: FOR A JUST AND VERDANT SOCIETY pants: GHUALGHLAHGLUHALUAG

deuce: WELP (STRETCHES KNUCKLES) JUST ANOTHER DAY AT THE RAPE FOOTAGE VIEWING OFFICE

deuce: AIN'T I GAY spigot: I JUST OPEN THE CHIPS WITH MY TEETH

pants: WHATCHA DOIN' spigot: I'M NOT GAY pants: OKIE DOKIE

pants: ZZZ ZZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZ ZZZ pants: ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ Z ZZZ ZZZZ ZZZZZZZZ pants: ZZZZZ ZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ ZZ ZZ ZZZZZ ZZZ ZZ Z clark: HOW'S YOUR OLAP

deuce: HOLD ME deuce: JUST DO IT CORPORAL pants: HOW pants: I AM CONFUSED AND DIZZY deuce: I'M LEARNING THE COMPUTER !!!!!!!!

deuce: [PLACE AMAZON ORDER] [BE SURPRISED BY THE EMAIL SOUND] pants: ABSOLUTELY EVERY SINGLE TIME deuce: BOTH JUST DUMB AS SHIT

spigot: I'M AFRAID TO ORDER GAY PORN WITHOUT A SECURE SERVER deuce: MOTHERFUCKING FUCK deuce: URF deuce: ACTUALLY deuce: I'M PRETTY PROUD OF MY ABILITY TO ORDER INDECENT MATERIALS OVER THE WEB deuce: WITH OR WITHOUT SECURITY deuce: AFTER ALL deuce: EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE FREE ACCESS TO P-- deuce: [IT JUST ENDS THERE]

pants: PEE ON ME SOME deuce: JUST ENOUGH TO GETYOU BY AND NOT MORE(NO NEED TO BE WASTEFUL) pants: PRECIOUS FLUIDS deuce: WE'RE LIKE THE FREMENIN DUNE BUT WE JUSTDRINK PISS FOR FUN deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

deuce: #DEFINE CBT(_X) /* CURSOR BACKWARD TAB */ PRINTF(_CSI "%DZ", (_X)) deuce: [REDACTED] COCK AND BALL TORTURE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE JUST BE NICE TO THEM FOR ONCE deuce: NO SIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: PLEASE JUST LET OUT THE HATE AND FONDLE THE BALLS

deuce: I WANT YOU TO FUCKING HOLD ME deuce: JUST FUCKING DO IT deuce: YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYES pants: TWITTER TWEETS

spigot: T PANTS IF YOU EVER SPILL A LITTLE COFFEE ON YOUR ROBERT GRAHAM, JUST GO HOME FOR THE DAY pants: T SPIGOT WHAT IF I'M JUST FULL FROM LUNCH AND MY SHIRT IS FINE spigot: I WOULD STILL TAKE OFF YOUR SHIRT IN THE MICRO KITCHEN AND WRING IT OUT IN THE SINK FOR AT LEAST 1/2 HOUR AND THEN GO HOME FOR THE DAY

spigot: CLONK spigot: BA spigot: DONK spigot: JUST GONNA FLOP A DICK OUT THERE

spigot: I'M NOW OLD ENOUGH TO BE SPIDER-MAN'S FATHER pants: YOU MEAN HIS UNCLE

pants: IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD atandt: AMEN pants: FAGGOT-AMERICAN atandt: STRAP ON THE FEEDBAG OR DIE TRYING pants: I CLEAN THE BONG WITH RUBBING ALCOHOL AND WHITE RICE atandt: YOU TRICKED ME INTO SAYING HAPPY NEW YEAR

spigot: IMAGINE NOT BEING ABLE TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN

deuce: WHENEVER I GO TO A NEW PLACE I PLANT A FLAG JUST IN CASE

deuce: I'D BETTER JERK OFF FOR GOOD MEASURE dick: JUST IN CASE dick: JUST TO BE SURE deuce: RIGHT dick: BECAUSE WHAT IF dick: UHHH FINISHED deuce: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF ME

spigot: JUST INTRODUCE ME AS MASTER OF THE MACABRE AND I'LL TAKE IT FROM THERE spigot: CONFETTI BOMB EXPLODES

deuce: (POPS THE COCK OUT OF HIS MOUTH) WAIT YOU CAN GET AIDS THIS WAY (POPS IT BACK IN, GOES ABOUT HIS BUSINESS) deuce: NOT BLOWING IT IN A GAY WAY, JUST KIND OF A LOLLIPOP THING spigot: PANTS LOVED TO LICK DICK

effigy: YOU ARE NOT T-SHAPED PEOPLE AT ALL! effigy: YOU ARE JUST KNEELING DOWN SUCKING OFF THE REST IF THE I-SHAPED PEOPLE!! effigy: AS THE SCRUM MASTER I DECLARE THIS STANDUP OVER!

pants: T DEUCE WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEX WITH A ROMULAN/VULCAN ANYWAY deuce: WHY WOULDN'T I (pants): JAWAS, ETC. deuce: THEY'VE GOT HOLES AND COMPLAIN ABOUT IT JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE

deuce: HOLD STILL atandt: THIS MIGHT ADVERSELY AFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP

pants: JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS CORNY DREAM

spigot: CHOKING THEM ALL DOWN AT ONCE!!!!!!!! LIKE THE SIGN SAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: WHY CAN'T WE ALL JUST LOVE EACH OTHER deuce: ASKING SERIOUSLY LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT CHILD pants: GIVE PISS A CHANCE deuce: URINE: OUR GOLDEN FRIEND pants: NATURE'S PISS

pants: I CAN BEAT OFF TO LILITH BUT NOT FRASIER pants: AND MAYBE NILES pants: DON'T TELL ANYBODY pants: DELETE THAT

deuce: I THREW UP JUST NOW spigot: BLUHUGHUP HOLD MY HAIR OUT OF THE TOILET

pants: DOES MY SEXUALITY THREATEN U deuce: COULD YOU CUT DOWN ON THE GAY FOR JUST LIKE ONE WEEK pants: I DON'T UNDERSTAND deuce: AMBIEN WALRUS TURNS YOU INTO A CREEP pants: MORE HORRIBLE PICTURES FOLLOW, EACH ONE WORSE THAN THE LAST UNTIL FULL FRONTAL deuce: AND THEN FINALLY A PINK TUTU

pants: DO I HAVE TO GET DRESSED TODAY/WEAR SHOES/SHAVE pants: CAN I JUST BATHROBE AND SLUMP IT ALL DAY pants: SHUFFLING INTO THE KITCHEN FOR COOKIES, PLOPPING INTO THE RECLINER pants: PISS JUG JUST OUT OF REACH pants: YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO

hanford: GOD FUCKING DAMNIT pants: I THINK IT'S JUST OVERCAST hanford: I THINK THE BULB BURNT OUT pants: YOU SAY THE FOG WILL BURN OFF ?????????????? OR THE FAG WILL WEAR OFF ?!?!? I AM INCREASING MY KEY REPEAT RATE hanford: SHUT UP pants: GRIND IT AS YOU NEED IT NOT ALL AT ONCE BECAUSE THE GRINDER IS ENTERTAINING TO OPERATE (WHAT WERE WE TALKING ABOUT AGAIN)

spigot: GAY RIGHTS??!?!?!?! WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO JUST PLAIN GAY DICKS

spigot: BUT I LOST MY SOCKS pants: JUST PLEASE LEAVE

pants: ALGHAGLUHALGAG spigot: GHALGUHALGHLUAH atandt: OG&AIG@INTG*YGF atandt: AOG*TAAAAAAAA4 pants: THAT IS NOT HOW YOU DO IT spigot: WHAT NO pants: YOU'RE MAKING US ALL SICK spigot: JUST PLEASE STOP

spigot: AND I WOULD LIKE TO FONDLE ALL OF YOUR COCKS (JUST REAL QUICK)

pants: ROSES ARE RED / MY LOVE pants: AND BONERS / ARE BLUE pants: YOU'RE SQUEEZING TOO TIGHT IS WHAT I'M SAYIN' HERE pants: JUST SAYIN'

atandt: I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU MY SHINY WHITE BUM deuce: IS IT NEW atandt: JUST SHINY deuce: THEN FUCK OFF

deuce: HOLY QUEERCAKES spigot: I'M ALONE IN A DARK ROOM FILLED WITH JIZZMOPS spigot: HOLY GOD IT'S A BUCKET OF SOMETHING ozone: HEY, THAT'S NOT THE DEUCE spigot: YOU'LL GET AHOLD OF MY NUTS WHEN CHRIST CRAPS ozone: IT'S JUST SOME GUY WITH APHASIA

pants: IS THAT A WII REMOTE STICKING OUT OF YOUR ASS pants: HOW CAN YOU EVEN PLAY TIGER WOODS GOLF WITH THAT THING STU--OH pants: OH WOW deuce: I'M GOOD

spigot: OKAY I'M GOING IN HERE FOR JUST TWO SECONDS spigot: I'LL BE RIGHT BACK spigot: NO FUNNY BUSINESS spigot: HMM HURR CRUMBLY COFFEE CAKE SMOOSHED ALL OVER ME spigot: OKAY BACK PEOPLE

deuce: SOMEONE RAPE ME WITH A BROOM deuce: OR A BROOM-LIKE OBJECT deuce: LIKE A RAKE FOR INSTANCE deuce: PERHAPS A POOL SKIMMER deuce: I MEAN IMPROVISE HERE !!!!!

pants: COCKS? deuce: MAYBE pants: NOW WE'RE TALKING deuce: I WAS JUST WAITING FOR THE GO-AHEAD

spigot: YOU'RE MAKING BEING STONED AT 1PM IN THE AFTERNOON UNPLEASANT pants: I JUST WOKE UP GIVE ME SOME SPACE HERE spigot: LAUGH SOME MORE I JUST KNOCKED MY DRINK OVER

pants: MAN ALIVE I'M FUSSY WHEN IT COMES TO EATING POO deuce: YOU'RE A BIG FUCKING GIRL ABOUT IT deuce: SMALL BITES, FROWNY FACE, TEARS IN YOUR EYES deuce: JUST WOLF IT ON DOWN YOU FUCKING FAGGOT

spigot: WELL IT SOUNDS LIKE THERANOS ALL OVER AGAIN WHERE I PUT MY PENIS IN A MAGIC BOX AND IT "JUST WORKS" deuce: ONLY NEED ONE TINY DROP OF SEMEN pants: BUT WHERE TO DEPOSIT THE SEMEN <COYPANTS.GIF> spigot: I USED THE BOOK RETURN AT THE CUPERTINO LIBRARY pants: THAT IS FOR SQUIRRELS AND PISS BOTTLES ONLY

spigot: LOOKS LIKE IT'S JUST YOU AND ME AND MY NEW BELT

deuce: I THINK JERKCITY IS BEST WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME spigot: AND OUR COCKS

pants: DOWN THE HATCH GLUG GLUG GLUG OH LORD PISS TASTES TERRIBLE GLUG GLUG GLUG deuce: IT TASTES LIKE JUSTICE pants: (WIPING LIPS) PISS JUG JUSTICE

spigot: LONG, LOUD TURKEY GOBBLES INTO THE K-MART INTERCOM

deuce: LET'S CHECK MY KANBAN BOARD FOR GOATS, PEANUTS

spigot: FRY ME TO DER MOONS / UND LET ME PRAY AMONST A STARS pants: TAKE IT OFF spigot: RET ME SEE IF SPRING HAS SPRUNGD / ON JUPITER UND MARS pants: TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING SHIRT deuce: I THINK YOU'RE MIXING UP GERMAN AND ORIENTAL LANGUAGES pants: KARAOKE LADY I AM ABOUT TO HURL A BEER MUG AT YOUR HEAD

spigot: DOES JERKCITY NEED KATIE COURIC IN THE SIDEBAR LIKE YAHOO pants: REALLY NEED TO KNOW HOW YOU ARE FIXED FOR PRICKS spigot: I'M FAIRLY FIXED spigot: SUBSCRIBE AND SHARE AND BE SURE TO LEAVE A COMMENT

: The editors of Jerkcity respectfully request that you use the wanking chamber instead of masturbating on the lawn. Thank you. dick: IF GOD HADN'T MEANT FOR ME TO SUCK DICKS HE WOULDN'T HAVE MADE THEM DICK-SHAPED deuce: AMEN BROTHER deuce: I MEAN GROSS, FAG

deuce: eDICKS spigot: vPRICKS pants: iSTALLS deuce: DONGLETS pants: INHALANTS spigot: THE DOT COMS deuce: GHGHLUGHLGHLG spigot: AHLUGLAGHULAHULAHG pants: HULAHGLUHGAULHUALHALG

pants: IT PUTS THE LOTION IN THE BASKET

dick: HEY WOW WHERE DID ALL THIS PORN COME FROM deuce: HLAGHLAGH dick: T DEUCE WERE YOU MAYBE TRYING TO SAY HALLELUJAH BUT THEN GOT A DICK STUCK IN YOUR THROAT ????? deuce: HGALHGHAGH dick: KEEP TRYING deuce: GURGLE

pants: WATCH OUT pants: HERE IT COMES pants: STAND BACK atandt: JUST ADMIT YOU CAN'T GET HARD AND MOVE ON, MAN

deuce: I'M KEEPIN' CLEAN IN THE ANTHROPOCENE

deuce: T DISCOVERY CHANNEL I'M SORRY BUT IT'S A LITTLE HARD FOR ME TO SWITCH GEARS FROM VIETNAM POWS TO KEIKO'S VOYAGE HOME ???

pants: ===> INSTALLING FOR KERMIT-6.0.192 pants: YAY !!! KERMIT IS INSTALLED pants: NOW I CAN BEAT OFF AT THE PUBLIC LIBRARY

pants: 54[11~QWETYUIOP[]\';LLKJJHGHGFDSAZXCVBNM./ pants: OKAY pants: THE KEYBOAD SEEMS TO WOK EXCEPT FO THE COMMA AND THE '"' KEY

spigot: HOW DO YOU GET EGG NOG OUT OF THE KEYS/KEYBOARD deuce: WITH HELP FROM GOD AND HIS LITTLE ELVES

spigot: IS THAT DRUNK FAT MAN IN THE GUTTER HARRY KNOWLES???????? spigot: HEY MAN YOU THE GUY WHO USED TO DO AIN'T IT COOL NEWS ??????????? spigot: WHOMP WHAM JAB BOOT pants: AND NEXT TO HIM WHY IT'S MATT DRUDGE spigot: WHAT A SCOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *FOMP* FLASH spigot: KICK spigot: LICK pants: LOVE spigot: DUH

deuce: HOLY SHIT YOUR CUNT IS KICKABLE pants: DO IT

spigot: YOU PUT YOUR LEFT FOOT IN spigot: YOU TAKE YOUR LEFT FOOT OUT spigot: YOU PUT YOUR FAT BALLS IN spigot: AND YOU SHA : SPIGOT IS KICKED OFF CHANNEL #HOKEY_POKEY

pants: HIS NAME IS BRIAN J. PEPPERS pants: HE DID WHAT ?!?! WELL I NEVER pants: A LITTLE SAD BUT ALSO A LITTLE STONED

deuce: GLHAGLHGA pants: OH YEAH WELL HUALHHAG deuce: YOU BACK OFF MAN GLHLAAGHABLHAGBHLGBAHLABGH pants: I CAN'T HELP IT HLAGHAULHGLUAHGLAG

deuce: COULD I BORROW YOUR WIFE FOR THE WEEKEND deuce: I WANT TO TEST OUT SOME NEW KICKS AND PUNCHES

hanford: OKAY IF WE DID A KICKSTARTER/INDIEGOGO FOR A REPRINT OF "THE BIG BOOK OF JERKCITY" WOU-- pants: HEY pants: HEY MISTER hanford: WHAT pants: 1-800-URINE ISN'T EVEN A REAL PHONE NUMBER IT DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH DIGITS hanford: .

pants: kickstarter to put a UI on the bonequest game???????? $900,000,000?????????????? deuce: better ask for a cool $9,000,000,000 deuce: go big or go home pants: home deuce: also my preference, yes pants: home is comfortable and snacks are there deuce: also chairs, couches, cats, bed pants: all the good things

pants: HAMBURGS

pants: WHO WANTS A FAGGYBACK RIDE deuce: WHAT DOES THAT RIDE CONSIST OF pants: JUST GET IN THE VAN deuce: OOH CANDY pants: UH, NO, THESE ARE PUPPIES deuce: GRRRR pants: OH GOD HE'S EATING THEM deuce: BEARLIKE pants: WHO IS THE PREDATOR HERE OH GOD I'M BEING EATEN deuce: MMMMM pants: I SHOULD HAVE NEVER THOUGHT TO MOLEST HIM deuce: CHOMP CHOMP CHOMP pants: DIGESTION BEGINS deuce: BURP pants: SILENCE SETS IN

deuce: HERE'S A FUCKING BUS TICKET SHITHEAD pants: WELCOME TO MY CREEPY APARTMENT

deuce: LET'S PLAY WITH GUNS pants: BLAM deuce: BLAM OW BLAM URF BLAM HUHHHH BLEEDING pants: GET A TAMPON deuce: BLAM pants: OKAY SERIOUSLYHOLD ON A MINUTEMY WIENER'S OUT deuce: SHOULD I TUG ON IT OR SCREAM UNCONTROLLABLY pants: GET A MOUSETRAP

spigot: LEAKING deuce: I'M A PDA deuce: I'M A HOMING HOMO spigot: CHOKEY CHOKEY CHOKE spigot: FOLKS THERE'S NO "I" IN COCKSUCKER deuce: KILL YOURSELF AND FUCK THE BODY

spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 23 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 24 spigot: NO I'M FINE spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK spigot: 25 spigot: WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM HONK

spigot: CAN'T SPELL UKRAINE WITHOUT URINE

pants: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO BEAT OFF AS WE ARE IN PUBLIC NOW pants: I'M TAKING A SHIT ON YOUR CHEST deuce: NOT AGAIN pants: FANTASY ROLE-PLAYING

deuce: I REALLY THINK THAT ANNE MCCAFFREY'S WORK IS UNDERRATED

deuce: GOD'S TELLING ME TO SPANK IT AGAIN deuce: DO I DEFY THE WILL OF GOD OR NO pants: DID HE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT ME (AND MY DRESS) deuce: I DON'T KNOW deuce: I WASN'T REALLY PAYING ATTENTION TO HIM ANYWAY deuce: HE TALKS ALL FUNNY deuce: KIND OF DIRTY

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT'S REALLY FUN??? FINGER PAINTING

deuce: I THINK I'LL SET ASIDE SOME TIME TO READ SOME POETRY

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT I REALLY LIKE??? THE LOOK ON CHILDREN'S FACES WHEN THEY GET ICE CREAM

spigot: INTRODUCING A KINDER, GENTLER, MORE RELAXED DEUCE!!!! ONLY ON JERKCITY deuce: HI EVERYBODY deuce: I LIKE TO LAY ON THE GRASS AND WATCH THE CLOUDS OVERHEAD deuce: :O)