spigot: decapitating new horizon spigot: placing the radioisotope thermoelectric generator in nasa's bed spigot: i assume they all wake up together ???? spigot: get oort of my cloud spigot: whapping them all with my kuiper belt

spigot: YOU'VE HEARD OF HOT CROSS BUNS WELL spigot: HOW ABOUT HOT CROSS :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2: WANGS :POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: spigot: :BOOM: `BZZT` OW MY GOD

pants: T DEUCE THE ORANGE ONES BITE (THE GOLD ONES DO NOT (GENERALLY)) deuce: T PANTS BUT IS THAT BECAUSE THEY HAVE BEEN TRAINED OR BECAUSE THEY ARE NATURALLY LIKE THAT BEFORE THEY ARE SPRAYPAINTED pants: T DEUCE CHECK WITH THE BELLHOP OR SOMETHING

: [GAY UNDERWEAR SEX]

deuce: LET'S YOU AND ME TALK ABOUT A FUCKIN' OSTRICH pants: THEY BITE AND CLAMP

dick: THEY CALL IT CHEESE, BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT IT TASTES LIKE

deuce: ARE YOU A PAGE 3 GIRL pants: I CONTINUE TO SUBMIT MY SELFIES BUT THEY DO NOT REPLY

pants: MATTHEW DRUDGE TRIED TO TOUCH MY ASS deuce: WELCOME TO THE CLUB deuce: HE ACTUALLY EXPOSED HIMSELF TO ME pants: 100,000,000,000,000 MEMBERS STRONG (HE WENT TO OTHER WORLDS) deuce: RECRUITING AND FEELING UP THE CITIZENS OF PROXIMA CENTAURI IV pants: THEY HATE IT BUT BEING BALLS OF PURE ENERGY THEY CAN'T DO MUCH ABOUT IT

pants: THEY HUDDLE AROUND ME AND FORCE ME TO SUCK deuce: T PANTS I'D APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULDN'T TAKE OUR CONVERSATIONS INTO PUBLIC WITHOUT COMPLETE AUTHORIZATION

pants: T DEUCE THEY MADE MY DICK DRINK PAINT pants: WHITE PAINT deuce: UH pants: IT DRINKS ANYTHING YOU DIP IT IN

spigot: THEY SHOULD MAKE PORN FOR GUYS

spigot: IS THAT ANY WAY TO BEHAVE deuce: THEY WILL PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE deuce: WITH THE BLOOD OF THEIR CHILDREN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! deuce: T SPIGOT UH deuce: T SPIGOT HI deuce: T SPIGOT WHAT HAPPENED

: We now return to this week's episode of Spigot the Bear, already in progress. pants: THEY'LL NEVER WAKE US IN TIME!!! spigot: LOGGING IN AND LOGGING OUT REPEATEDLY IS THE CLOSEST I'LL EVER GET TO SEX

spigot: please stop asking which folder contains blacked waifus spigot: they're all right there on the desktop

spigot: THEY'RE CALLED TRAPS BECAUSE IF YOU LOAD UP ON DICK YOU DON'T HAVE ROOM FOR DINNER

spigot: TIME TO HIT THE ROAD spigot: HIT THE BONG spigot: HIT THE PORN spigot: AND HIT THE SACK spigot: SECRETLY I'M GOING TO BEAT OFF IN THE CAR

pants: PUNCH IT pants: PUT A CLOTHESPIN ON IT pants: STUFF IT UNDER THE SINK pants: SPIN IN AROUND REAL FAST-LIKE pants: MAKE IT SIT IN THE BACK SEAT pants: CHOP IT UP, PUT IT IN THE STEW pants: HANG IT UNTIL DEAD pants: DIP IT IN THE CREEK

spigot: CORONAVIRUS HAS MADE US ALL THINK TWICE ABOUT LICKING TOILET SEATS IN AN AIRPORT BATHROOM

pants: GOD LOVES DICKS deuce: T PANTS ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK HE'S VERY FOND OF THEM pants: T DEUCE ACTUALLY I THINK HE IS deuce: T PANTS YEAH OKAY I THINK WE'RE THINKING OF DIFFERENT PEOPLE pants: T DEUCE ROBES, LONG FLOWING WHITE HAIR AND BEARD, ROBES, DEEP VOICE, REALLY INTO PISS ??? deuce: T PANTS I'M THINKING OF THE OLDER BROTHER ON DIFFER'NT STROKES

pants: I GOT TO THIRD BASE WITH YOUR MOUTH deuce: IS THIRD BASE THE ONE WHERE I NEED AN AIDS TEST OR WHAT ?!!??

pants: I CAN'T ACCEPT A THIRD-PARTY CHECK SIR spigot: BUT IT HAS THE HAMBURGLAR ON IT

pants: WATCHING YOU PEOPLE EAT DICK IS THIRSTY WORK

pants: I LICKED SIXTY-TEN DICKS TODAY pants: FORTY-ORANGE OF THEM BEFORE BREAKFAST !!! deuce: YOU ARE NOT MEETING YOUR QUOTA (PURPLE)

spigot: choke down this absolute unit

deuce: YOU ARE A STUPID FUCKING WOMAN AND SHUT UP

pants: HUFF FROM THIS BAG spigot: HOW MANY GOSH DARN pants: AND THIS RAG spigot: HANG ON pants: HELLO spigot: WE'RE DOIN' ALL WE CAN

deuce: KILL THEM ALL spigot: nothing makes a problem go away faster than replying with a paste of my vacation responder spigot: guess he won't be back until (squints) the spring pants: this bucket hat will never not be cool

deuce: GOES ON FOR HOURS pants: A FILLIBUSTER EH pants: THIS CALLS FOR ... COCKSUCKING deuce: GLHGALH GAHLAGLH GALHGAL HAGLHGAHAG

atandt: ACCEPT NO IMITATIONS atandt; CARRY ONLY AUTHORIZED JERKCITY MERCHANDISE

pants: /NICK DOCTORWHO pants: /NICK DRWHO pants: /NICK DR_WHO deuce: THIS CHANNEL SUCKS pants: /NICK D0CT0R_WH0 GODDAMNIT pants: /NICK DOCWHO

deuce: SHUT atandt: I REALLY LIKE THIS CHAT THING

pants: I DON'T GET TODAY'S EPISODE pants: AND I'M IN IT deuce: I'M IN YOU pants: THIS COMIC SUCKS

pants: JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN THIS CORNY DREAM deuce: I MASTURBATE FREQUENTLY

spigot: YAY WE'RE TOGETHER spigot: FUCKING BE GAY WITH ME OR GET OUT deuce: I'M NOT GAY (REALLY) spigot: THAT IS QUITE FRANKLY TOO MUCH URINE FOR ONE FACE

: ON TEH LEFT, SPIGOT TEH BEAR. ON TEH RITE: DEUCE (DO NOT LET HIM NOM ON YOU) spigot: I SURE AM GAY THIS FINE MORNING deuce: I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST ME spigot: MUST BE GAY SPORES IN THE AIR OR SOMETHING deuce: SOMEBODY FLUSH US PLEASE

pants: GONNA MAKE LOVE TO A FROG pants: THIS FROG pants: WAIT COME BACK

effigy: WWWDDWWAAAAAWWDDWWAAAWWWSS effigy: THIS GAME SUX :: LEFT THE ROOM.

pants: PLANTS pants: ANIMALS pants: MINERALS pants: COCKS deuce: THIS GAME OF 20 QUESTIONS NEEDS SERIOUS MODIFICATION

spigot: CHECK OUT THIS GROCERY BASKET (CAN'T UNDO BELT) NVM

: Jerkcity is available for your viewing pleasure on the world wide web at www.jerkcity.com. spigot: FOLKS WHAT'S FRENCH AND TAKES SHITS AND LICKS DICKS ???!?? spigot: ---> MOI <--- spigot: OKAY OKAY WHAT'S GOT A BUNCH OF COLONS AND LIKES TO BEAT OFF AND HIT WOMEN?????????? spigot: :::::: THIS GUY ::::::

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO STATE FOR THE RECORD THAT JESUS DOES IN FACT LOVE ME (THIS I KNOW) net: HOW deuce: T NET FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO (DUH)

spigot: 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 NOW THIS IS A STORY / ALL ABOUT HOW 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 spigot: 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 I SUCKED A FEW DICKS / IN THE STALL JUST NOW 🎶 🎵 🎶 🎵 🎶 spigot: THE END pants: WAIT I CAN BEATBOX

atandt: THIS IS A TEST atandt: LAUHGLUAHGLUAHLUAG atandt: DONE

pants: I'LL SUCK OFF EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YAS pants: WHY THIS IS AN OUTRAGE pants: ALL I CAN DO IS STAND HERE WITH MY TEETH CLENCHED

atandt: WELCOME TO BONEQUEST: THE DAILY ADVENTURES OF PANTS, DEUCE, SPIGOT AND ME, ATANDT pants: UM I atandt: SHUT UP atandt: SHUT THE FUCK UP pants: ALL RIGHT THEN

pants: I'M NOT IN THE MOOD FOR THIS

pants: buster cunt deuce: did not copy your last effigy: I DEMAND HOT DOGS FOR LUNCH deuce: BUSTER CUNT 2 THIS IS HOT DOG ACTUAL pants: i'll meet ya out back deuce: ja, ja

pants: PHONE IT IN pants: BUT DON'T PICK UP pants: LET THE MACHINE GET IT

pants: BUT FIRST THE NEWS pants: IN TODAY'S HEADLINES pants: LKSDFJLSDF JSODF* AGLIHALG JO)&DFY YUAGHALG O*FY SOPDFHS (D*F HSODFBSL

pants: HURF BURF METAFILTER DISCUSSION pants: ANIMAL CROSSING IS MAKING ME GAY (SOMEHOW) pants: [REDACTED] EATEN, MINIFIGS IN MY [REDACTED]

deuce: SET CONDITION 1SQ FOR STRATEGIC MISSILE LAUNCH deuce: THE RELEASE OF NUCLEAR WEAPONS HAS BEEN AUTHORIZED deuce: THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spigot: I DISLIKE THE BITING spigot: BUT I DON'T MIND THE CLAMPING spigot: HOLDING MY BREATH UNTIL I'M GAY IN THE FACE

pants: THIS IS A TEST OF THE EMERGENCY BROADCAST SYSTEM -- THIS IS ONLY A TEST pants: HALGHALGHLAHGLAHGLHALAG pants: THIS IS ONLY A TEST

spigot: SO UTTERLY JIBBER-JABBERY WITH POINTLESS TALK I CAN BARELY ENJOY MY ICE CREAM

pants: THIS IS TAKING FOREVER HUFF PUFF BUHH WISH HE'D JIZZ SOON MUP MUP deuce: T PANTS I'M NEXT pants: T DEUCE BUT IF THIS ISN'T YOUR DICK THEN pants: T DEUCE UH OH pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE STILL GOING TO PAY FOR THIS RIGHT

pants: this is the life huh

spigot: this is the zodiac speaking spigot: guess we're playin' phone tag

pants: KILL/SLF/DR HELP/ME/KILL/MYSELF GAS/CHAMBER AEIOUR/DAYS/QUESTIONSABLE EVERYY/WAKING MOMENT/IM/ALIVE MY/PRIDE/LOST I/CANT/GO ON/LIVING/IN/THIS/WAY KILLING/PEOPLE/I/HAV/KILLD pants: SO/MANY/PEOPLE/CANT/HELP/MYSELF M/SO/ANGRY I/COULD/DO/MY/THING/IM/ALONE IN/THIS/WORLD MY/WHOLE/LIFE FUL/O/LIES/IM/UNABLE/TO/STOP pants: BY/THE/TIME/YOU/SOLVE/THIS/I/WILL/HAV/KILLD ELEVEN/PEOPLE PLEASE/HELP/ME/STOP/KILLING/PEOPLE PLEASE/MY/NAME/IS/PANTS/FROM/JERKCITY

pants: CLEAN UNDERPANTS AND GAY DICKS AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE deuce: WUHHHHHHHHH pants: T DEUCE YOUR LINE IS "OUTSTANDING" deuce: T PANTS MY INTEROCITER IS MALFUNCTIONING

pants: LIGHT MY DICK ON FIRE AND TAKE A PUFF deuce: IS IT AN INTOXICANT pants: PROBABLY deuce: GONNA NEED A MORE DEFINITE ANSWER THAN THAT pants: AUDIENCE BOOS deuce: REQUIRE PEER-REVIEWED STUDIES deuce: WITH CONTROLLED DOUBLE-BLIND EXPERIMENTS pants: YOU'LL LOOK COOL WITH IT IN YOUR MOUTH deuce: WELL I'M CONVINCED POK POK POK POK deuce: THIS ISN'T DOING SHIT POK POK POK POK

spigot: EXCITED ABOUT THE BATTER-COATED BURGER KING FRIES pants: T SPIGOT ARE THEY COMPATIBLE WITH MY EXISTING BONGS AND LIGHTERS

net: BUT WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS JAR OF PEANUT BUTTER pants: YOU FUCKED HIM WITH THE BUNNY AND IT MELTED BWAAAHHHH (SAD) deuce: NOT RIGHT AWAY BECAUSE I FROZE IT FIRST pants: I'M SURE YOU GOT A GOOD 20-30 MINUTES OF FROZEN BUNNY FUCKING IN deuce: REALLY 10-15 BUT WHO CARES I'M FUCKING YOU NEXT BITCH

spigot: AREA MAN LIKES DICK

pants: IF I WERE A NEWSCASTER I'D BE STONE D. PHILLIPS

atandt: I DECOMISSIONED V2S AT PENNEMUNDE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY T SHIRT

atandt: THIS MAGIC SHOW IS SERIOUSLY MAKING MY NUTS ACHE spigot: T SIR YOU ARE GIVING AWAY HOW THE BOX WORKS

spigot: I'M A *********REAR********** ADMIRAL!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: PLEASE DO THESE STEPS IN THE FOLLOWING ORDER: deuce: 1. SHUT UP deuce: 2. GET THE FUCK OUT

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: WHO'S GAY THIS MORNING spigot: LET'S NOT ALWAYS SEE THE SAME SHOES spigot: CHOKING DOWN THE DELIVERABLES

pants: THIS MOUTH KILLS FASCISTS pants: BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK pants: HOMPTH ATE A TOAD

: INSTRUCTIONS : DEUCE (LEFT) DO NOT FEED; SPIGOT (RIGHT) LIKES PANCAKES W/BLUEBERRY COMPOTE : SPIGOT LEAVES : SPIGOT RETURNS : SPIGOT SPURTS AND REWINDS deuce: HOLY spigot: LOVELY

: INSTRUCTIONS DEUCE (LEFT) DO NOT FEED; SPIGOT (RIGHT) LIKES PANCAKES W/ BLUEBERRY COMPOTE spigot: KNOCK KNOCK deuce: WHO'S THERE spigot: MY BONER (RUNNING AWAY) pants: WHO'S THERE (LATE FOR THE PARTY)

pants: THINK OF ME AS A MOOD RING FOR DICKS pants: MMMMMMMMMMMM THIS ONE SEEMS HAPPY pants: HMMMM MMMMMMHMH MHMMMMM MMMMMM THIS ONE IS A LITTLE BLUE

spigot: TO THE TUNE OF THAT VANILLA ICE SONG: DOON DOON DOON DOODLE OON DOON / LICKING / DICK / IN THE CRAPPER

spigot: THIS PLACE IS A DUMP spigot: I'D BETTER HANG UP ONE OF MY FLAGS spigot: NOW THAT REALLY GAYS THE PLACE UP

spigot: T PANTS WILL YOU PROMISE ME YOU'LL WATCH TWIN PEAKS AT LEAST THROUGH EP 8 spigot: AND WILL YOU WEAR THIS PROMISE RING spigot: YOUR ROBE IS SLIGHTLY OPEN FYI

spigot: THIS SUPERIOR COURT OF LOS ANGELES IN THE ABOVE ENTITLED ACTION DOES HEREBY SENTENCE YOU TO RAY DONOVAN: THE MOVIE

pants: TURNING BACK TIME TO SUCK ALL THOSE DICKS AGAIN deuce: HOW DO I TURN THIS THING OFF

spigot: THIS TIME YOU BE D.J. DICK AND I GET TO BE M.C. MOUTH spigot: NO WAIT spigot: *HURPH*

pants: HLAGHAULGHLUAGHULAHGLHAGLG pants: SPIT SPIT AHGHALUGHULAGAG SPIT PFFFFT pants: THIS TIME FOR SURE HUAKGHALUHGULHAGULHUAG

spigot: NRKXKKXK SNURK ZZZZ WHAT [BONK] I'M AWAKE

deuce: HELP ME I'M DROWNING IN DICKS pants: NOT FALLING FOR THAT ONE AGAIN deuce: NO SERIOUSLY I AM THIS TIME I SWEAR

pants: HUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH pants: AGAIN AND LOUDER **HUHHHHHHHHH**

spigot: WELL I'M GAY AGAIN spigot: ANY MORE FRIENDS OF MINE WANT TO JOIN UP ??? THIS WAY !!!! <----- spigot: ACTUALLY THIS WAY (SORRY) ----->

spigot: THIS WAY DOCTOR FREEMAN spigot: (HEAD IN TOILET) spigot: THIS WAY DOCTOR FREEMAN spigot: STANDING ON TOILET spigot: THIS WAY DOCTOR FREEMAN

spigot: AGAIN PEOPLE PLEASE LEAVE SOME DICK FOR OTHERS spigot: IF EVERYONE JUST GARGLED THEM ALL UP AND DOWN AND EVERY WHICH WAY HOW DO YOU THINK THE NEXT GAY PERSON MIGHT FEEL spigot: I'LL BET NOT TOO GOOD

uncredited woman: IF I CATCH YOU BACK HERE SMOKING CRACK AGAIN I'M CALLING YOUR PAROLE OFFICER pants: BACK OFF LADY THIS IS MY ALLEY

pants: WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME NORMALLY WHY DO I HAVE TO WEAR THIS WIG, THIS HOOP SKIRT, THIS GIANT COMICALLY-SIZED HULK FIST deuce: THE MORE YOU TALK THE HARDER IT IS TO GET A BONER AND THE MORE I'M GOING TO MAKE IT HURT

pants: THIS WOULD BE EASIER IF SHE WAS A REAL GIRL pants: GETTING TIRED pants: DUSTY

spigot: RYAN GOSLING :POINT_RIGHT: IS :POINT_LEFT: MARTIN LUTHER KING (THIS XMAS)

pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LAND deuce: THISAWAY pants: ALSO FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION: pants: WHICH WAY TO BEATOFF LANE deuce: ANSWER IS LESS CLEAR BUT TRY THISAWAY ALSO

spigot: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I SEE ONE MORE STUPID FUCKING DILDO spigot: WHO INVENTED THOSE THINGS ANYWAY????????? spigot: NOT ANYONE WHO BEATS OFF THAT'S FOR SURE

deuce: THE SWEET ACRID AROMA OF SPIGOT'S HATEFUL MEAN, WELL-DESERVED WORDS deuce: CLEARLY INDICATING THAT I DO NOT KNOW THE MEANING OF THE WORD ACRID spigot: AHEM deuce: I SWEAR TO GOD IF I DON'T FIND OUT WHO'S STEALING MY PEANUT BRITTLE THINGS I'M GOING TO BLOW A GASKET AND THEN CONTINUE WHINING spigot: THOSE ARE MY BUTTERSCOTCHES

spigot: SAYS HERE YOU WORKED AT RATEMYPOO FROM 2000-2019, TELL ME ABOUT THOSE TWO DECADES NOPE HE'S GONE, NEXT

spigot: T PANTS REMEMBER WHEN WE LIVED TOGETHER AND SHARED THE TOILET AND OUR STREAMS OF PISS MADE AN "X" pants: T SPIGOT YOU'RE MAKING ME CRY

spigot: PLEASE COME TO MY USER MEET (GRADE MY BALLS ON A CURVE) spigot: I SAW YOU DRIVING IN THE CARPOOL LANE (I'M LICKING MYSELF) spigot: THAT WORD IS DEROGATORY TOWARD MENTALS (I'M FITTING IN)

pants: WHAT ABOUT THE PORNO VERSION pants: I'M A THOUGHT LEADER pants: AN INFORMATION ARCHITECT pants: I CAN BEAT OFF FOREVER deuce: BUT ARE YOU AN INFLUENCER pants: LORDY NO deuce: THEN BEAT ME OFF, NON-INFLUENCER

pants: T DEUCE HEY WHEN'S FAG SEASON pants: THOUGHT YOU MIGHT KNOW deuce: MAY pants: NICE

spigot: WHAT'S THIS ABOUT DICKS NOW spigot: MORE PIZZA AND BEER PLEASE MY TROUSERS ARE FALLING DOWN spigot: SORRY THOUGHT YOU SAID DICKS