deuce: NOBODY MOVE !!!!!! AN UNAUTHORIZED COCK HAS BEEN SUCKED deuce: AND THE PERPETRATOR IS **STILL HERE IN THIS ROOM** pants: ORCHESTRA HIT deuce: THAT WAS TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE

bung: SO, UH bung: IS THE LOBSTER FOR EATING hanford: I'M ON HOLD WITH S.H.I.E.L.D. ASK ME LATER bung: WELL IF HE DOESN'T BELONG TO ANYBODY I'M GONNA BOIL SOME WATER hanford: STILL ON HOLD

atandt: STILL atandt: STILL atandt: STILL atandt: STILL GOBBLING DICK LIKE A FUCKING QUEER TURKEY

deuce: SOMETHING'S UP ME :: LEAVES deuce: OKAY IT WASN'T HIM BUT IT'S STILL NOT IDENTIFIED

deuce: IF SOMEONE HERE COULD SUCK MY DICK I'D APPRECIATE IT deuce: ANYONE SERIOUSLY ANYONE deuce: OBVIOUSLY I MEAN YOU pants: OFER

pants: don't jack me off yet i'm still on the clock deuce: hard hat, lunch box pants: i said don't, geeze

pants: A GREAT GOOD GODDAMN LET'S HEAR IT SHOUT IT OUT pants: \\DICKS (TRYING REALLY REALLY HARD) pants: CCCP (I'M CLEAR ON THE THREE C'S BUT HELP ME OUT WITH THE REST) pants: IN CAHOOTS WITH TITS pants: I AM STILL ONLY THIRTY FIVE CENTS pants: THIS IS THE WORST MARVEL TEAM-UP EVER deuce: GOOD LORD GET THAT GUY A DICK STAT HE'S IN DICKLESS DELERIUM pants: MAN THE PANTALOONS

spigot: would you close your robe spigot: deuce: spigot: deuce: spigot: deuce: spigot: deuce: spigot: deuce: spigot: it's still open there

pants: OPENS MOUTH, SUCKS IN AIR, HOLDS FINGER IN AIR, THINKS BETTER, CLOSES MOUTH pants: WHY WON'T ANYBODY INVITE ME TO THE DONGSML PROJECT pants: IF ANIMAL TRAPPED CALL 410-844-6286

spigot: FIVE POUNDS OF MCDONALDS LATER I'M STILL STONED spigot: THE COCKY QUEER METER IS GOING CRAZY I'D BETTER JERK FASTER spigot: C-CONCERNED ABOUT ALL THE PENISES IN LUCKY LOUIE

deuce: GETTING FUCKED IN THE NUTS IS MODERATELY UNCOMFORTABLE BUT STILL SOMEWHAT ENTERTAINING

: This episode of Spigot the Bear was re-edited for syndication into two two-hour episodes. The stock footage and full-frontal scenes have been removed from this version. Enjoy! deuce: WANGS spigot: TALKING AND TALKING deuce: STILL WAITING FOR PAGE TO LOAD

spigot: I SERVED AT FORT FART deuce: LET'S SEE YOUR DD214 spigot: IT'S UH spigot: HERE IT IS: :HAMBURGER:

pants: [19~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~ pants: [20~[20~

spigot: LET'S TAKE A TRIP INTO MY PANTS spigot: ON THE LEFT YOU CAN SEE MY BALLS AND ON THE RIGHT, MY BONER deuce: STOMPING THE EXHIBIT spigot: SINGLE FILE FOR GOD'S SAKE

spigot: WHAT DID YOU EXPECT GOING UP TO HIS ROOM spigot: NOT RAPE, THAT'S FOR SURE spigot: I'M STONED AGAIN

hanford: ARE YOU STONED ON THE SET AGAIN pants: MY GOOD MAN WHAT ON EARTH GIVES YOU THAT IDEA hanford: WELL ... pants: YES GO ON hanford: THE BONG, THE BAG OF DOPE, THE LIGHTERS pants: I SEE hanford: THAT BONG POKER YOU FASHIONED OUT OF A WIRE COAT HANGER pants: ISN'T IT CUTE hanford: THESE ROLLING PAPERS, THIS BRICK OF HASH pants: HMM pants: IS THAT ALL YOU'VE GOT deuce: CASE DISMISSED

pants: WHAT'S YOUR ANGLE pants: WHOSE BABY IS THAT pants: I'LL BUY THAT

pants: THIS SHIRT MAKES ME SUPER SEXY AND THAT PROBABLY MAKES UGLY PEOPLE FEEL EVEN WORSE THAN USUAL pants: DO YOU EVER STOP AND CONSIDER HOW THE UNSEXY PEOPLE FEEL atandt: I-- pants: THE CAKE IS A LIE atandt: I UH

pants: 1111111111111111111 deuce: STOP HITTING THE 1 BUTTON (AND STOP BITING PLEASE) pants: I WILL DO NEITHER

spigot: CLONKY BONKY BONERS

deuce: MOTHERFUCK spigot: SHUT UP deuce: STOP HITTING spigot: COULD SOMEONE PLEASE UPLOAD ANAL69.JPG ONE MORE TIME deuce: HOLY CHRIST spigot: OOFEN DOPPER VAS JAVA KRASHEN - VILK HELPEN!!!!!

spigot: INSTEAD OF LAUGHING AT :POINT-RIGHT: ME :POINT-LEFT: FOR GETTING FAT DURING QUARANTINE spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE :POINT-RIGHT: YOU :POINT-LEFT: WALK ONE OR TWO FEET IN MY ORTHOPEDIC LOAFERS LIKE I MANAGE ON A GOOD DAY spigot: MY GOOGLE TIMELINE SAYS I WENT TO WALGREENS IN FEBRUARY

pants: i can't beat off when you make that face pants: or that face pants: or that face pants: stop making faces

deuce: HISSSSSSSSSSING deuce: I'VE SPRUNG ANOTHER LEAK deuce: T PANTS PLZ STOP POKING HOLES IN ME bung: T PANTS IF YOU BREAK THIS ONE DAD WON'T GET US ANOTHER pants: T BUNG I'M BETTING HE WILL POKE, POKE

pants: I'M A FUCKING MAN SO STOP TRYING TO CUT OFF MY TITS deuce: HOLD STILL (NOT LISTENING)

deuce: DIPPY DAPPY atandt: STOP WITHTHE GAY TALK atandt: START WITH THE GAY

pants: MUST BUY ALL THE LOOSE STORMTROOPERS AND JAWAS SO I CAN FINALLY FILM MY STOP-MOTION GANGBANG

deuce: EVERYONE STOP, DROP, AND SUCK A DICK effigy: IN THAT ORDER????

pants: STORMTROOPERS WEARING ONLY HELMETS, BLACK SOCKS???? FORTY MINUTES OF JAWAS GIVING HEAD ??? THIS IS THE WORST EPISODE TWO EVER deuce: THANK GOD THEY'RE ALL CLONES deuce: OTHERWISE IT WOULD BE GAY pants: 99E99 deuce: [SYSTEM CRASH] pants: REBOOTING THE DEUCE

pants: THOU ART GAY pants: PRAY WITH ME (LET US BE GAY TOGETHER UNDER THE XMAS TREE) pants: LOOK OUT FOR XMAS TREE MONSTERS pants: THAR BE DICK BURIED IN THE HILLS pants: DICKS, PRICKS, SOME MANNER OF TREAT pants: STUBBORN GAYNESS PROBLEMS IN SECTOR 3, ASILE 4B pants: FEELING CRAMMY pants: A SINGLE SOURCE OF PRICKS (STRAIGHT FROM THE WELL)

deuce: DO YOU THINK THAT WE'LL EVER GO TO THE MOON pants: THE REAL MOON OR THE FAKE ONE deuce: THE STRAIGHT ONE

spigot: WELL THAT'S THE LAST TIME I LICK DICK STRAIGHT OUT OF THE CARTON pants: ARE YOU BRUISED OR DIZZY pants: I HAVE A CALL ON LINE ONE FOR "MISTAR NAMESERVAR" pants: THIS COULD TAKE ALL DAY (AND THEN SOME)

spigot: POP POP POP!!! I THOUGHT IT WAS FIREWORKS OR A CAR BACKFIRING!!! THEN I REALIZED IT WAS ME!!!! DIPSHIT WITH HUGE BULLET HOLES IN MY FACE AND HEAD!!!!! WELL MY FIRST REACTION WAS SANDY HOOK ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!!! THEN I FAINTED AND BASHED MY CHIN ON THE DRINKING FOUNTAIN AND DIED AND WENT STRAIGHT TO HELL FOREVER AND GOOD FUCKING RIDDANCE

: so now and then you get really good reports that you have to follow up spigot: THIS WINE COOLER HAS GONE STRAIGHT TO MY HHHHH spigot: HITTING, HURTING, DOOR CLOSING pants: HOW ABOUT YOUR FACE GOING STRAIGHT TO MY LAP

spigot: a love letter to dicklicking

deuce: LOOK, WE'RE FRIENDS deuce: AND I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF THIS OR ANYTHING deuce: BUT I FEEL I HAVE TO BE STRAIGHT WITH YOU AND STOP THE LIES deuce: MAYBE THIS WILL CHANGE OUR RELATIONSHIP; IF SO, SO BE IT deuce: BUT YOU DESERVE TO KNOW THE TRUE ME: deuce: I FAVOR MUTANT REGISTRATION pants: MAGNETO WAS RIGHT pants: THERE CAN NEVER BE PEACE

spigot: SIGH spigot: HANDS UP WHO'LL BE GAY WITH ME DURING FRASIER/WINGS spigot: I SAID spigot: SENSING A STRANGE MELANGE OF DICKS AND PRICKS DANCING IN MY HEAD spigot: WHERE THE SUGARPLUMS AND FAIRIES SHOULD BE spigot: I'M 500 POUNDS spigot: AN NBC TELEVISION EVENT spigot: $18.95

pants: I WILL NOT GO QUIETLY INTO MY OWN BUTTHOLE deuce: THAT'S A STRANGE THING TO SAY pants: IF YOU KNOW ME,NOT REALLY deuce: FAIR ENOUGH

atandt: I THINK I'M FINALLY FIGURING THIS CRAP OUT deuce: DICKS AND SO FORTH AND SO ON atandt: PULL THE HANDLE deuce: PELLET POPS OUT atandt: TOILET FLUSHES deuce: (IT'S A STRANGE TOILET)

spigot: YOU DON'T LOOK ANYTHING LIKE YOUR PICTURE IN SUCKING SWINGLES

pants: I AM FROTHING AT THE MOUTH deuce: I AM PARTICIPATING IN THAT UNPRECDENTED EVENT deuce: WHAT A MISSING E SOMEWHERE IN THERE pants: I WILL LEND YOU ONE: FFFFFFFFFFFF deuce: JUST NOT HELPFUL AT ALL

spigot: DEUCE AND I WERE ABLE TO ALIGN OUR STREAMS TO MAKE LETTERS LIKE X AND T AND V AND L AND SOMETIMES Y spigot: HARDEST WAS THE CURSIVE Q WHICH LOOKS LIKE A 2 spigot: THESE ARE PISS STREAMS I'M TALKING ABOUT FOLKS deuce: T SPIGOT PLEASE DON'T TALK ABOUT THE Q I THINK I SUSTAINED SEVERE INJURY ON THAT ONE pants: I WANT TO GO HOME

pants: WATCH ME BEAT OFF deuce: MY SCHEDULE'S ALL FULL TODAY, SORRY

: Sometimes I feel so afraid that if I go through the effort to leave one of these notes, it will blow away in the wind. So I have been using coins to make sure the message stays put. pants: THE STREETCAR BROKE pants: THE MONKEY CHOKED : T CANADIAN GOTH GIRL HEY LOOK A BEAVER pants: AND THEY ALL WENT TO HEAVEN IN A LITTLE FERRY BOAT

spigot: IS THIS THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT OF CYBERSPACE spigot: DOES THIS SLICKED-BACK POMPADOR GIVE ME ANY STREET CRED spigot: LAMENESS AND LIMPNESS IN STALL 4

hanford: UNLICKED DICKS ON THE SET atandt: [B[B[B pants: AM I LATE ??? WHAT DID I MISS???

pants: PISSCHRIST EH

spigot: HOW DO I DESCRIBE WHAT PORN STARS DO WHERE THEY DROOL STRINGERS OF SALIVA ALL OVER MY DICK spigot: SPIT spigot: SPITTLE deuce: I BELIEVE IT'S CALLED BEING A WOMAN

spigot: WHAT spigot: DOES spigot: IT MEAN WHEN spigot: YOU HAVE A spigot: STROKE spigot: AND YOU spigot: CAN'T TYPE spigot: FAST deuce: TO HELL YOU GO spigot: O spigot: K deuce: CITIZEN YOU HAVE BEEN SELECTED AGAINST pants: I, GAY ROBOT

pants: STRONG BONER RELATED CRYPTO AT WORK HERE PEOPLE pants: TRYING TO CRACK THE CODE (IE FIGURE OUT HOW THE STUPID 501 BLUEJEANS ZIPPER WORKS) pants: THANK GOD FOR BUTTON FLY BLUHHHH DUH GLORMPTH

deuce: I HAVE STRONG EVIDENCE THAT PANTS IS MOSTLY FAT AND QUITE PROBABLY GAY

pants: I WAS THIS MANY DAYS OLD WHEN I GOT BONKED ON THE HEAD AND STUFFED INTO A CRAWLSPACE spigot: DURING CONFERENCE CALLS I CAN WIGGLE MY LAPTOP AND PRETEND WE'RE HAVING AN EARTHQUAKE AND JUST LEAVE pants: <A HREF=“:BAT: :BAT: :BAT: :BAT: :BAT: :BAT:“>CALL MY BBS spigot: PROBABLY TIME FOR SOME LOUD FARTS INTO A COFFEE CUP pants: STRONG FOR HOT DOG :HOTDOG: :HOTDOG: :HOTDOG: ?️ spigot: BE AN ANGEL INVESTOR (POINTS TO PENIS) pants: THANK YOU TO THE MANY (S)HEROES, HEROES, AND (THEY)ROES spigot: JUST ATE12 ZINGERS INASSORTED FLAVORSSO IT'S BEDTIME

: on the tibia. There is a considerable greenish yellow : the groin and on the concealed portions of legs and : The light color on the arms and the jaw is quite : grayish. There are several smaller, light rimmed, dar : around all nine eyes. The creature's gigantic mouth : vocal sacs there in are large and conspicuous when : and bluish gray green in color. When expanded into : balls are fucking huge. : : Structure: The second creature has a shorter head a : mouth although obscured by a "Polynesian" mask w : unable to get samples as the creature will bite and cla : pouring water into its mouth causes it to eventually : : Voice: "A loud trill, hoarser than that of the c : and hind libs longer when the creature is sleeping : sexually aroused." : : Voice (from updated 1931 ed.): "A deep gutteral sn : sound as if it had its mouth halfway out of the water. : : Breeding: They breed from April to March. The egg : 60 cents per pound (USD). Its mating cry turned out : actually that of a creature trapped below the larger o : : General Appearance: Short; Squad; Large; Browni

pants: OKAY JUST WANTED TO STRUT MY STUFF pants: LIKE A GAY MALE ON DISPLAY pants: BYE NOW

pants: LICKY DICKY spigot: THERE'S BEEN A MURDER!!!!! HANDING OUT STUBBY GOLF PENCILS deuce: SHOVING BUT YET LOVING AT THE SAME TIME

deuce: LICKING EVERYTHING WITHIN REACH OF MY STUBBY LITTLE ARMS atandt: YAY deuce: T ATANDT YOU ARE NOT IN REACH atandt: BOO

spigot: IF ANYONE CAN SEE THE ARC OF URINE I'M SPURTING UP THROUGH THE GRATE: I'M STUCK DOWN HERE FOLKS spigot: FOR REAL

pants: TURN IT OFF pants: NOW pants: MY HAND IS CAUGHT

atandt: POO POO POO POO POO POO POO POO atandt: POO POO POO POO atandt: I AM STUCK IN A POO LOOP deuce: AGLHAGLHAGHLAG deuce: YOU ARE NOW FREE (THAT WAS MY MAGIC SPELL)

pants: FOLKS THAT'S JUST GREAT pants: HOW LONG ARE WE GOING TO BE IN THE MEN'S ROOM THIS TIME deuce: AS LONG AS IT TAKES

spigot: SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BE CRUEL TO BE FAT pants: CARPET BURN spigot: AND VICE VERSA spigot: THAT'S LATIN FOR MIAMI VICE pants: I'M STUCK IN THE MUD DOWN HERE

deuce: I GOT MY ASS STUCK IN THE TOILET AGAIN deuce: CROWBAR PLZ deuce: I CANNOT FIND THE ZEN IN THIS deuce: HURRY

spigot: MY ASS AND LEGS ARE STUCK IN THE TOILET PEOPLE spigot: BUT IF MY CLOSE MY deuce: I FEE YOUR FOINT spigot: OH deuce: I UH

deuce: T PANTS WE SHOULD DO STUFF AND THINGS pants: T DEUCE OH I AGREE, I AGREE deuce: OKAY, PULL YOUR PANTS DOWN, I'LL GET THE SHREDDED LETTUCE

spigot: CUT OFF MY DONG AND STUFF IT IN MY MOUTH, THEN CHOP OFF MY HEAD AND STUFF THAT IN MY REAR END SO VIA THE TRANSITIVE PROPERTY I CAN FUCK MYSELF IN THE ASS spigot: PLEASE DO NOT CUT CORNERS BY JUST CLIPPING OFF MY DONG AND STUFFING THAT IN MY REAR END!!!!!! spigot: AS I WOULD STILL BE ABLE TO COMPLAIN OUT LOUD THAT YOU DID IT WRONG (THANKS IN ADVANCE)

pants: stuff my bottom with leaves deuce: now you are a flower pot

spigot: T PANTS THIS IS NOT A GAY BBS pants: T SPIGOT BONGS/DONGS??? spigot: COCKS COCKS COCKS / STUFF THEM IN MY FACE

spigot: FOLKS I WILL CHECK OUT THE DONG AND THEN MARK THE DONG LICK ONLY AND STUFF IT BEHIND THE FRIDGE deuce: DO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME LITTLE MISTER THAT I WON'T BE ABLE TO USE IT FOR THE BACHELOR PARTY dick: PLEASE BE SURE AND SET THE RAPE BIT spigot: CAN WE PLEASE SLAM WORDS AND CRAFT STREETLY POETRY dick: GRITTY VIBRANT VERSE AND DREADLOCKS deuce: ALSO A PISS BUCKET (JUST IN CASE !!!!!)

pants: DID YOU GET DICK deuce: YES deuce: NO pants: JUST WALK AWAY pants: DID YOU ACTUALLY JERK OFF ON HER FACE OR WAS THAT A STUNT DOUBLE deuce: I DON'T REMEMBER (TOO DRUNK)

pants: DO YOU EVEN KNOW YOUR BRATPACK MEMBERS BY HEART pants: OR WERE YOU PULLING MY WANG OVER DEMI MOORE pants: BY THE SAME RULE ANDIE MACDOWELL IS A BRATPACKER pants: AND MOLLIE RINGWALD WASN'T EVEN IN ST ELMO'S FIRE pants: THIS IS THE STUPIDEST COCKSUCKING GAME I HAVE EVER PLAYED

spigot: COME BACK HERE YOU STUPID PRICK deuce: ARE YOU GAY AND READY FOR J/O spigot: ONE BIG FAT QUART deuce: GODDAMN FUCKERS spigot: DO YOU EAT THE SAND OR JUST LIVE IN IT deuce: LHABLHABHLABHLABHLAB

pants: WHY DO YOU FLY PLANES INTO BUILDINGS deuce: BECAUSE IT'S A NICE AUTUMN DAY???? WHAT KIND OF A STUPID QUESTION IS THAT

atandt: SO IF ANAKIN BUILT C3PO, WHO BUILT R2-D2 deuce: SOME OTHER STUPID BORING CHARACTER

pants: STUTTERING AND BUMBLING THROUGH JERKCITY pants: EVERYTHING IS CONFUSING deuce: ON THE WAY TO MORE DICKS pants: SHUT UP YOU

spigot: FROM NOW ON IF YOU PUT SPIGOT IN A STRIP AND IT GETS SHIT NUMBERS I'M EMPTYING THE CATBOX ON YOUR KEYBOARD spigot: MAYBE YOU IDIOTS NEED A 3-DAY TEAM OFFSITE TO REVIEW STYLE AND BRANDING GUIDELINES AND I'LL ASSIGN SOME STRETCH GOALS spigot: OKAY YOU'RE LITERALLY CARDBOARD CUTOUTS

: PANTS LEAKS A SUBSTANCE : DEUCE COLLECTS SUBSTANCE, SENDS SAMPLE TO THE LAB, WAITS 2-3 DAYS : DEUCE RECEIVES REPLY, SUBSTANCE IS FRAPPUCCINO

pants: HOW DO YOU PRONOUNCE THIS pants: ARE YOU SURE pants: NO THAT'S A FIVE pants: NO LOOK IT'S A FIVE pants: SINCE WHEN DOES FIVE MAKE THE S SOUND pants: ANOTHER BASEMENT BENEATH THIS ONE ???????? pants: HELP ME WITH THE TRAP DOOR

spigot: I HOPE THIS EMAIL FINDS YOU FAT

spigot: I’M THE QUEEREST QUEER THAT EVER DID QUEER spigot: ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SEND AN EMAIL . . . . . . . . . . . spigot: WITHOUT A SUBJECT ???????????????????????????????

spigot: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LICK DICK ON MY OWN PATREON PAGE

pants: BARF ON THE COCK THEN STAND AT ATTENTION WHILE YOU SALUTE THE COCK THAT YOU BARF ON pants: AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY

deuce: THESE TULIPS REALLY SMELL NICE

ozone: I FEEL LIKE SUCH A LOSER FOR NOT GIVING A SHIT

pants: HOLY CRAP !!! THE LIVE JOURNAL PEOPLE CAN LEAVE COMMENTS RIGHT UNDERNEATH US !!! pants: LISTEN CLOSELY: WE WILL HUNT AND EAT THE PAC-MAN atandt: I'M NOT GOING BACK TO JAIL pants: THEY CAN SEE UP MY SKIRT JUST LIKE THE MOLE PEOPLE

deuce: T PANTS WOLFENSTEIN II BEGINS WITH SOMEONE'S HEAD BEING CHOPPED OFF AND THEN THE TEXT IN THE MENUS AND THE HUD GETS ALL FUCKED UP AND I CAN'T PLAY IT ANYMORE (THANKS OBAMA) pants: T DEUCE C'EST LA BALLS pants: (SUCH ARE BALLS) deuce: I DON'T THINK "BALLS" WOULD BE FEMININE SINGULAR [AUTISTIC MAN RESPONDS]

pants: why do bad things happen to good people like me pants: sexy, handsome people such as myself

pants: love 2 shelter in place deuce: already beat off once!! deuce: then I changed the catbox!!!! pants: hot deuce: also I took out the trash!!!! and got colorectal cancer pants: such is life

pants: SUCH IS THE WIND-BLOWN LIFE OF A SAILOR

pants: GLAHGULAHLGAG pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: AGHLAUG HLAGHLHUAGAG pants: NUGGGGGGGGGGGH pants: SUCH IS THE LIFE OF A COCK ZOMBIE

pants: SUCK 'EM IF YOU GOT 'EM BOYS

deuce: SO WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT pants: SUCK AND FUCK

spigot: BANNER ADS?!?!? PARTNERSHIP PROGRAMS?!?!? AMAZON BUTTONS/LINKS/BASKETS?!?!?! WHICHEVER BANDWAGON!!!!!! I'M HERE TO SUCK DICK LIKE A BATTERED WOMAN TOO AFRAID TO LEAVE!!!!!!! X2391 spigot: <$0.02>I'D REALLY BE CURIOUS IF THERE ARE ANY ***REAL*** GIRLS HERE 2NITE</$0.02> spigot: EVERYONE CHOKES IT

spigot: suck it deuce: no spigot: please deuce: yes spigot: BHAOBHR)E(UBN{W($&@$*T}_@*}

spigot: WE NEED TO PISS AND THEN PRAY TOGETHER deuce: DUH pants: SUCK IT pants: SUCK IT REAL GOOD

pants: I'M SUCKIN' IT deuce: MCDONALD'S BRIEF, FAILED SLOGAN pants: THE SHORT-LIVED SUCKIN' IT CAMPAIGN OF 1982

spigot: I LIKE SUCKING AND/OR GETTING SUCKED spigot: ASSEMBLING MY ALUMINUM CHRISTMAS TREE PEOPLE spigot: STILL ALL MY PORNING IS WORTH IT IF I CAN I.D. PORN STARS JUST BY THE SPLATTERS THEY LEAVE BEHIND

pants: YOU CAN'T SUCK DICK AT OFFICE DEPOT pants: LORD KNOWS I HAVE TRIED pants: THEIR STAFF IS NOT TOLERANT AS THEIR ADS WOULD HAVE YOU BELIEVE pants: THEY'RE ALL "CAN I HELP YOU" AND I'M ALL "HUFF HUFF HUFF" pants: USUALLY I AM ASKED TO LEAVE AND ESCORTED OUT pants: I ALWAYS FIND A WAY BACK IN pants: HUFF HUFF HUFF BINDERS HUFF HUFF PALM PILOT ACCESSORIES pants: HUFF HUFF OH GOOD THEY MAKE BUSINESS CARDS HUFF HUFF HUFF