pants: HUHHHHHHHHHH pants: I JERKED OFF SO HARD FOR SO LONG THAT I HURT MY NECK pants: AND SO IT GOES

deuce: WHY AM I SO HARD RIGHT NOW deuce: UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE

spigot: WHY ARE FORKS SO HEAVY OH RIGHT I'M OLD spigot: WHO PRINTS THIS SHIT SO SMALL OH RIGHT I'M DYING spigot: SOMEONE SHOULD MAKE THE FLOOR NOT ON MY FACE ALL THE TIME OKAY I GET IT

deuce: I'M SO HIGH I CAN SEE GOD deuce: AND HE DOES NOT APPROVE

pants: AND A ONE AND A TWO AND A : PANTS SAYS, "HI FAGS" : SPIGOT HEARS, "MURF BURF"

spigot: I AM SO GAY RIGHT NOW I DON'T THINK I'LL EVER COME DOWN spigot: WELL OFF TO THE TOILET spigot: I SAID *OFF TO THE TOILET*

pants: AM TOLD THE NUN-RAPING SCENE WAS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AROUSING pants: WHY DID THEY MAKE IT SO HOT THEN

pants: SO ANYWAY I LIKE DICK AND THAT'S THAT pants: I THINK YOU KNOW ALL YOU NEED KNOW ABOUT ME deuce: FINE pants: I DIDN'T WANT TO GO INTO THIS BUT HERE IT IS deuce: YOU GET SO HUFFY WHEN IT COMES TO THE DICKS

pants: I AM MAKING YOU A POOL (SQUATTING, THRUSTING) pants: COULD ONE OF YOU PLEASE GIVE ME A BOOST SO I CAN BETTER STALK FIONA APPLE atandt: T PANTS YOU CAN'T SQUAT AND THRUST AT THE SAME TIME pants: T ATANDT ACROSS THE UNIVERSE

deuce: I'M NOT HEARING A YES ????? SO IT'S A YES deuce: SLAMS GAVEL DOWN deuce: HOLY JESUS JUST SAY YES (COCKS GUN)

deuce: I WOULD LIKE NOT TO BE TARPITTED pants: I'LL TRY ANYTHING ONCE (ON YOU) pants: SO MANY FAT BLACK DICKS pants: SO LITTLE TIME

spigot: THANKS FOR ALL THE MORNINGS OF NOTHING EVEN THOUGH YOU CAN PLAINLY SEE MY FUCKING BONER spigot: IF WE WIN THE LOTTERY, WE'RE SPLITTING IT AND SAYING GOODBYE spigot: SO LONG FATTY

spigot: IF POINTS WERE AWARDED FOR DICKLICKING I WOULD HAVE SO MANY POINTS RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

pants: LOVE ME, LOVE MY DONG deuce: NO PROMISES deuce: YOUR DONG HAS WRONGED ME SO MANY TIMES (deuce): (QUIETLY) SO MANY TIMES

pants: PISSGATE spigot: WHERE IS THAT POSITIONED AMONG THE AND GATES, NOT GATES, OR GATES, NOT-OR GATES, XAND GATES, NAND GATES AND AYN RAND GATES pants: UNCLEAR (CLOUDY) spigot: MUST HAVE A CLEAN DICKLICKING RECORD spigot: SO MANY WAYS TO READ THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: SUCKING SO MUCH DICK MY WATCH THINKS I RAN A 5K

deuce: SO MUCH DICK deuce: DON'T ACKNOWLEDGE IT, JUST LET IT GO BY deuce: OTHERWISE IT WILL DESTROY OUR CIVILIZATION

spigot: TRYING TO HIDE OPEN WINDOWS OF PORN ACROSS FIVE MONITORS spigot: HURF HUH DON'T COME IN spigot: TAPING PAPER spigot: BE RIGHT THERE URF GONK

spigot: T DEUCE REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED UP IN ONLINE WEBZINE FORMAT deuce: I DON'T GET IT spigot: WEB = WORLD WIDE WEB, ZINE = MAGAZINE spigot: FORMAT = FORMAT THE INTERNET SO NOBODY CAN USE IT

deuce: 9.72E+09 BYTES deuce: THAT'S A LOT OF PORN pants: IT HAD TO USE THE E !!!!!!! OH GOD pants: THAT MEANS HIGHER THAN 999 deuce: NO E IS SIMPLY THE SQUARE ROOT OF PI SHOVED UP MY ASS pants: DOES IT HURT UP THERE pants: WITH THE - BEING SO POINTY AND ALL deuce: THE RADICAL SIGN IS REALLY QUITE FRANKLY UNCOMFORTABLE deuce: BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR CROSSES TO BEAR pants: I HAVE MUCH TO LEARN

pants: I'M PRETTY deuce: NO YOU'RE NOT

spigot: I'M SO PROFOUNDLY EMBARRASSED FOR OUR SOLAR SYSTEM

spigot: HERE'S DORKY spigot: PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN QUEER spigot: LIVING ON DICK deuce: WUH

pants: HTTPS://WWW.GOOGLE.COM/SEARCH?Q="SUCH+IS+THE+WIND+BLOWN+LIFE+OF+A+SAILOR" deuce: I'M SO SICK OF YOUR SELF-INDULGENT SHIT deuce: I MEAN GOOD MORNING deuce: "ALEXA, GIVE ME SOME JERKOFF INSTRUCTION."

deuce: WANGITUDINAL (IT'S LIKE LONGITUDINAL BUT DIFFERENT)

pants: SORRY I BEAT OFF ALL OVER YOUR JPEGS

spigot: SON OF A deuce: DICKS

deuce: WHY AM I SO TIRED TODAY spigot: YOU LICKED TWO DICKS BEFORE YOU LICKED TWO DICKS, AND THEN YOU LICKED TWO DICKS AGAIN spigot: OBJECTION YOUR HONOR spigot: GAVEL GAVEL GAVEL THE WITNESS WILL LICK DICKS

spigot: T DEUCE SO TRUE OR FALSE WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE GAY TOGETHER deuce: T SPIGOT UH deuce: T SPIGOT LET ME GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT

deuce: SOMETIMES I WISH YOU'D BE MORE SENSITIVE TO NON-CORPOREAL LIFE FORMS

deuce: GAHGLAGHLGHALGH DON'T HIT ME spigot: WHORRRRRPTLKGHJ spigot: I AM SO SORRY deuce: GAHGLAGHLGHALG

pants: I'M COLD* : *CONTINUED FROM LAST ISSUE pants: TURN UP THE HEAT atandt: SHUT UP atandt: I MEAN YEAH IT'S COLD pants: SO COLD

pants: (BOOMING GOD VOICE) THOU SHALT NOT WORSHIP FALSE IDOLS (ESPECIALLY GREEN MUPPETS) deuce: BUT KERMIT IS SO FUCKABLE pants: JUST DON'T WORSHIP THEM (BOOMING HEARD THROUGHOUT THE LAND) deuce: BY FUCKABLE I MEAN YOU CAN REALLY SLIDE IT IN AND THE FABRIC WILL TEAR AND THERE'S NOT MUCH HE CAN DO ABOUT IT pants: YUP (STILL GOD VOICE)

pants: TIRED pants: SO VERY VERY TIRED pants: BARELY ABLE TO HEIL HITLER

spigot: WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME BEING FAT WAS SO GREAT

: An All-New Episode of Spigot the Bear starts right now! spigot: INSTALLATION ON "BALLS" CANNOT CONTINUE UNTIL THERE ARE PRICKS IN MY FACE!!!!!!! spigot: SO WORK WITH ME GANG

spigot: SURPRISE I HAVE A DICK 3 spigot: SO YOU LEARNED NOTHING FROM 1 OR 2

spigot: THANKS FOR EMPOWERING ME TO SIT AND SOAK IN THIS PUDDLE OF FUCKHEADS

spigot: SOAKED WITH PISS IN BONEQUEST

spigot: SOAKED WITH PISS IN JERKCITY pants: LEVEL ?? PANTS

pants: THERE WAS NO HOME FOR THE TERROR BIRD pants: URINE SOAKED, FLAVORED OR OTHERWISE INFUSED deuce: I HAVE DISTILLED MY URINE INTO ITS FINEST COMPONENTS deuce: AMMONIA AND TEARS

pants: *SOB* ALL THOSE SMOOTH DEAD BOYS spigot: AND BURNING MAN REFUGEES

spigot: yeah i'm sober spigot: s.ucking spigot: o.n spigot: b.ig spigot: er.ections

pants: THAT FAG DOCTOR SPUTNIK spigot: T P ARE YOU STILL COMING OVER FOR KING OF QUEENS spigot: WHY ARE WE ALL TAKING OUR SHIRTS OFF pants: I HATE SOCCER PRACTICE spigot: STAND UP AND SAY IN A LOUD STEADY VOICE: I AM A FUCKING FAGGOT

spigot: I'M NOT GETTING ANY JIZZIER spigot: OR FATTER OR MORE UNPLEASANT spigot: SCRATCH THAT I JUST TOOK A DUMP DOWN MY PANT LEG INTO MY TUBE SOCKS pants: SOCCER PRACTICE

deuce: KIAL VIRINOJ NENIAM ASKEPTIĜAS FELIĈE KIAM ILIAJ VIAZĴOJ ESTAS KOVRITA KUN ĈURO pants: KAJ INOJ KIUJ ŜAJNIGAS KE ILI ESTAS, NU, ILI JA NE ESTAS pants: SED MI ESTAS deuce: SED MI DONIS AL VI DONACON KIU NENIU ALIA HAVAS ĈI NUN deuce: VIZAĴO PLENE DA ĈURO !!!! deuce: TIEL AŬDACO KE VI RIGARDAS MIN KIEL VI NE POVAS KREDI KE MI ĴUS FARIS TION deuce: NE PROVU BLOKI ĜIN KUN VIAJ MANOJ VI NUR ESTAS FARANTA ĜIN PLI MALFACILA POR VI MEM pants: MI DIRAS KE MI ESTAS FELIĈA MALGRAŬ pants: AĜO RASIO SEKSO DIKECO NE GRAVAS LAŬ MI deuce: FIKE SILENTU ĈI TIE MI ESTAS PROVANTA FARI SOCIAN KOMENTARON

spigot: FACES LOADED deuce: MY MIRROR NEURONS HAVE ATROPHIED deuce: SOCIOPATH MODE: ACTIVATED deuce: MEH WHATEVER SLEEPING 15 HOURS

spigot: T PANTS THERE'S A SINGLE WHITE SOCK BEHIND MY DOWNSTAIRS COUCH, WONDERED IF IT'S THE ONE FROM THE PARKING GARAGE pants: T SPIGOT THAT'S WHERE IT WENT [I SERIOUSLY LOST A SOCK AT YOUR HOUSE] [IT IS SAFE TO HANDLE] pants: HANDLE/WRANGLE spigot: STILL BEHIND COUCH

deuce: ROLLED UP SOCKS pants: STUFFED WITH COCKS spigot: HONKING HER BOOBS IN TIME WITH THE CAR ALARM

deuce: ARE YOU A SODA JERK pants: OK deuce: THAT'S NOT AN ANSWER pants: WELL, YOU KNOW

pants: DON'T TOUCH THE SOFT SPOT ON MY HEAD

atandt: COCKS FOR SALE atandt: OK atandt: SOLD OUT NOW

deuce: I LOVE DICK deuce: NOT YOUR DICK JUST DICK IN GENERAL deuce: DICK AS A CONCEPT deuce: AN IDEALIZED ALGHSLGHS

spigot: T E X T O P O L I S spigot: WILL BE THE NAME OF MY BBS / AE LINE deuce: YOUR GOPHER SITE spigot: MY WAFFLE, MY RED RYDER HOST, MY LAMBDA MOO/MUD/MURF/MINECRAFT deuce: MY FATWA spigot: MY LYCOS deuce: ALTA VISTA :SOMBER_SALUTE: spigot: YOU TOOK MY PREPARED ALTAVISTA REFERENCE, SO ALL I HAVE LEFT IS DEJA BLABSPACE deuce: THAT WORKS

spigot: if you're going to suck dick all day don't fill up on bread

pants: some amount of public masturbation is tolerable yes or no deuce: depends on who's doing it pants: me deuce: totes fine then

pants: COCKS deuce: TELL PANTS IF THAT'S SOME ATTEMPT TO WRIGGLE OUT OF YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES YOU'RE SORELY MISTAKEN

deuce: I BELIEVE I WILL HAVE SOME ENGLISH MUFFINS pants: THESE BALLS ARE THE PRIME SUSPECT IN THE CASE OF THE STUFFED MOUTH pants: PRESS [START] FOR DISGUSTING LICKING, SUCKING NOISES

pants: YOU HAVE SOMEHOW ENSHRINED MY FACE spigot: I NEED A TOWEL spigot: POSSIBLY THE SHROUD OF TURIN pants: STAINED, TORN spigot: MY FACE AND SUBSEQUENTLY MY LEGS

pants: SOME I EAT, SOME I LET GO pants: READY?????????????? GO!!!!!!!!!!! OH YOU FAILED pants: THE TYRANNY OF THE URINAL

deuce: I HAVE NEVER HAD A BAJA BLAST pants: WHAT ABOUT A RODNEY BLAST

pants: spontaneous otoacoustic emissions pants: gahhhhhhhhh mouth open wide tongue waggling

pants: MIGHTY FUCKING FUNNY SIR pants: PLEASE DECLAW ME I AM GOING TO HURT MYSELF AND OTHERS deuce: WHAT pants: YOU HEARD ME

pants: SEGMENTATION FAULT spigot: (BONG NOISES) pants: (BONG NOISES)

spigot: {{{ VIBE }}} DICKLICKING spigot: TRAILER spigot: STARTS spigot: NOW

pants: YANKING AND PULLING pants: WAITING FOR THE PRIZE pants: WHAT WILL I WIN THIS TIME

atandt: BRACE YOURSELF effigy: OHNO.

uncredited caveman: BGUALGLUAHGLBAGLUHALGBAGUHLBAG pants: KEEP TRYING

deuce: OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA OOM PA deuce: I'M SOME MANNER OF HORNED INSTRUMENT deuce: WANNA FUCK deuce: [NOT CLEAR WHETHER THAT'S A STATEMENT OR A REQUEST]

atandt: IMITATING INSECTS: I'M A BEETLE atandt: OKAY NOW I'M A LADY BUG pants: I AM SOME MANNER OF VERY GAY INSECT

: DEUCE FLUSHES TOILET spigot: MY DREAMS spigot: SPLASH SPLOSH OH GOD SOME OF THESE MIGHT BE SALVAGABLE

spigot: SOMEONE CUT MY FUCKING HEAD OFF SO I CAN GO HOME EARLY

spigot: DRY CLEANER COULDN'T GET AN EGREGIOUS COFFEE STAIN OUT A TOP-TIER SHIRT, GONNA MAKE CARMELLA BUY IT AGAIN spigot: I SAID NO PULP, THIS SAYS SOME PULP spigot: WHEN I GET MY 100TH ROBERT GRAHAM I'M COMMISSIONING A HAM RADIO SHIRT WITH ALL KINDS OF OLD MODEL RADIOS AND FANCY ANTENNA SYSTEMS AND YES: A UTILITY POCKET

spigot: I'M THE UNABOMBER spigot: HIDDLY PIDDLY HOOOBOOO BLUBLUBLUB I'LL BLOW UP MY OWN BALLS spigot: I LIVE IN A CABIN AND RIDE MY BIKE spigot: BUT I'M NOT QUEER - I'M THE UNABOMBER spigot: HURRRRRRRR HOOOOO BOP WOP

uncredited woman: GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, CREEP pants: I DON'T WANT TO RAPE YOU, I JUST WANT TO CUT OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD

pants: THE SKILLS TO PAY THE PILLS BILLS pants: CLAMS AND MUSSELS BEING GAY WITH EACH OTHER pants: GRAVY'S GOOD TONIGHT deuce: ARE YOU TALKING IN SOME SORT OF CODE

spigot: ALL YOUR DICKS ARE BELONG IN MY MOUTH

spigot: SOMETIMES I JUST PUSH THE BOTTOM OF MY SHIRT UP THROUGH THE COLLAR LIKE A HEE-HAW GIRLIE TUBE-TOP AND PUMP IT LIKE A DORK spigot: I COULD HAVE STRETCHED THAT COMEDY INTO TWO OR THREE LINES BUT I CHOSE TO SERVE IT UP FRESHLY BAKED spigot: AND YOU'RE WELCOME

spigot: SOMETIMES I FEEL HAPPY spigot: AND SOMETIMES I FEEL SAD spigot: *HURF* spigot: DAD'S BALLS

spigot: SOMETIMES A FROZEN CHEEZE PIZZA IS BETTER THAN A FROZEN PEPPERONI PIZZA BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAND THERE ARRANGING ERRANT PEPPERONIS

pants: SOMETIMES I THINK BACK ON MY FARTS

spigot: SOMETIMES IT'S NICE TO JUST LICK DICK WITHOUT BEING SEXUALIZED

deuce: I'M CHUCK D AND TOLERATE YOU FOR SOME UNKNOWN REASON pants: TOTALLY

deuce: LET'S ALL GET SOMEWHAT GAY HERE

pants: COCKS POUNDING ME pants: WISH I WAS SOMEWHERE ELSE pants: SOMEWHERE WARMER pants: THE COCKS CAN COME TOO pants: OR SHIT I DON'T KNOW I CAN VISIT THEM ON WEEKENDS

deuce: SOMEONE ISN'T SUCKING ENOUGH DICK RIGHT NOW deuce: OKAY IT'S ME

pants: SOMEBODY FEED PANTS deuce: MASTER CAUTION deuce: MASTER WARNING deuce: MASTER ALARM deuce: PANTS IS HUNGRY deuce: CORRECTION CORRECTION PANTS WISHES TO EAT deuce: MASTER ALARM IS STILL IN FORCE

pants: I'M TIRED pants: HOW WILL I EVER EAT THIS COCK SANDWICH pants: OOOOH SOMEBODY ROLL ME OVER

deuce: SOMEONE STOLE MY HEAD LAMP pants: THAT IS AWFUL pants: NO MAN SHOULD HAVE TO GO WITHOUT A HEAD LAMP

spigot: MY ASS HURTS!!!!!! pants: OKAY BYE spigot: NO SERIOUSLY MY ASS REALLY HURTS pants: AND??? spigot: CAN YOU STICK YOUR HAND UP THERE AND HELP pants: OH MY GOD spigot: PLEASE???? I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS pants: **SIGH** ALL RIGHT spigot: OW spigot: OW OW OW OW OW OKAY OW ENOUGH pants: HOLD STILL pants: DUDE I JUST PULLED OUT A SOLID GOLD WATCH spigot: HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!!!!

:look: ANGRY EVERYBODY IS deuce: GLHAGLHAG pants: SOMEONE'S SUCKING deuce: NOT ME GLHABLHBHGABHLLGH PASS THE KETCHUP GLABHGLHBGLHBL

pants: SOMEBODY'S TRIPPING deuce: DRINKING URINE FOR MY OWN GOOD

deuce: HOW COME MY BUSINESS CARDS SAY CHIEF MASTURBATOR pants: EATING MY OWN DICK SOMEHOW

deuce: HERE'S THE PART OF THE EVENING WHERE WE ALL SUCK EACH OTHER'S DICKS deuce: SERIOUSLY deuce: THIS IS A DICK deuce: IT MUST GET SUCKED SOMEHOW deuce: SOMEHOW, SOMEHOW deuce: ANYWAY deuce: UH deuce: WHY DOESN'T BACKSPACE WORK IN THIS XTERM WHEN IT WAS WORKING BEFORE

spigot: CAN SOMEONE DO SOMETHING ABOUT THE ABSENCE OF DICK IN MY FACE deuce: T SPIGOT I'M HERE FOR YOU pants: WAIT pants: HOLD ON pants: HOLLOW IT OUT AND HAVE SEX WITH THE HOLE YOU MADE

: DEUCE FAINTS net: SOMEONE GET THE SMELLING COCKS net: OH FORGET IT HE'S FAKING AGAIN deuce: YOU HAVE FOILED MY PERFECT METHOD OF GETTING COCKS ON DEMAND deuce: FOR THAT YOU SHALL BE MADE TO SUFFER

atandt: SOMEONE HAS A SOCKET BUG deuce: NOT ME atandt: NO NOT YOU deuce: UH deuce: JERKING

pants: G IS FOR GIZZ deuce: SOMEONE JERK ME pants: DO YOU MEAN GERK YOU deuce: GHLAGHLAHGLUAG