atandt: WAITER OH WAITER pants: YES SIR atandt: I ORDERED STEAK AND EGGS pants: YES SIR atandt: THIS IS POO pants: PLEASE DON'T TELL THE HEALTH INSPECTOR

spigot: ship manifest reveals 200 dongs on board

spigot; SEND ME $200 spigot: PLUS SHIPPING AND FONDLING spigot: PERHAPS GROPING BUT THAT IS AN OPTIONAL EXPENSE

deuce: BUT WE ALL HAVE OUR CROSSES TO BEAR spigot: AND DRESSES TO WEAR!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I MEAN SHIRTS AND LONG PANTS pants: WAS THAT YOU IN THE TENDERLOIN LAST NIGHT deuce: GET 'IM

pants: ALREADY TOTALLY SICK OF QUEER EYE deuce: WHY DID IT TAKE YOU FIVE WEEKS WHAT TOOK ME 0.2 SECONDS deuce: "SHIT FAGGOTS" (CLICK)

deuce: FLIPS THROUGH PAPERWORK, PAPERS FLY EVERYWHERE, TRIPS ON TANGLED CORDS ON THE FLOOR, SHIT FALLS OUT OF CLOSET

deuce: I AM THE SHIT GOD deuce: I NEED NOT CONCERN MYSELF WITH SUCH TRIVIALITIES (MOSTLY CONCERNED WITH SHIT, ETC.) pants: YOU ARE DOING A FINE JOB pants: STILL I WILL REQUIRE A FULL REFUND deuce: YOU'LL HAVE TO TALK TO THE JUDICIARY BRANCH (I'M EXECUTIVE)

ozone: DOMAIN NIS.JERKCITY.COM NOT BOUND RPC FAILURE - CLNTUDP_CREATE() ozone: SHIT MY GREEN STAYS GREEN ozone: AND MY WHITE STAYS WHITE deuce: STRANGELY ENOUGH MY SHIT IS GREEN ozone: I NEED A REPLACEMENT FOR BLUE deuce: T OZONE SO DO I (AND I THINK YOU KNOW I MEAN HERE)

deuce: I POOPED pants: HOW DID IT GO deuce: GROSS pants: WOULD YOU SAY IT WAS A SHITSHOW deuce: LET'S NOT GET CARRIED AWAY HERE

deuce: BUT I JUST TOOK A SHIT HOW COULD I NEED TO GO AGAIN ?? spigot: ACTUALLY CONCENTRATE ON THE TOILET INSTEAD OF READING OR BEATING OFF???? spigot: SHIT WITH YOUR HEART AND NOT JUST YOUR DUMB ASS deuce: SNIFF deuce: BUT deuce: FURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRP UNCONTROLLABLE DIARRHEA spigot: NONE OF THAT EVEN MADE IT IN THE BOWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: MY KITTY

pants: WHO WANTS PANCAKES ??? deuce: FUCK OFF effigy: HEARD pants: SHIT YEAH LET'S DO BALLS

spigot: I PROPOSED SHIT-SHAPED SHOES, SHOE-SIZED SHITS, SHIT-SIZED SHOES AND FINALLY SHOE-SHAPED SHITS spigot: NONE OF THEM IGNITED THE PUBLIC CONSCIOUSNESS deuce: YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG

spigot: DID I ALREADY DO THE SOB/SNIFF "I NEED A THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR GAS FROM EACH OF YOU" BIT spigot: RE: MONEY FOR THE spigot: SHIT: COPS

deuce: THAT'S SOME SEXY ASS SHIT THERE SON pants: TAKE IT ALL deuce: I GIVE I DON'T TAKE pants: DANCE deuce: FOLKS PLUTO IS A SHITTY LITTLE GREY WORLDLET

deuce: THERE ARE NEARLY AS MANY SHITTY WRITERS FILLING COPY WITH STANDARD TROPES AS THERE ARE SHITTY WRITERS deuce: SPOILERS !!!!! DIARRHEA !!!!!!!!!! PLONK !!!!!!!!!!

spigot: T PANTS GONNA INDULGE THREE OR FOUR MORE BIG FAT SPLUTTERY AND/OR SHOE-SHAPED SHITS, HOW DOES THAT WORK FOR YOU

pants: YOU CAN'T SUCK DICK IN OR AROUND THE STORE deuce: EVIDENTLY pants: GET OUT (SHOOING YOU WITH A BROOM)

pants: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM pants: RELOADING pants: BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

spigot: NOT IN CZ OR KR OR JP OR GLKGRBL spigot: WHY DOES SHOPKOSOVO.COM KEEP GOING DOWN

spigot: DO THESE PASTRIES/SAUSAGES MAKE ME LOOK FAT deuce: WHEN YOU TUCK A THOUSAND OF THEM UNDER YOUR SHIRT/PANTS TO HIDE THEM THEN YES THEY DO

spigot: CAN WE GO SHOPPING FOR PRIDE CANDLES spigot: I'LL GET RED ORANGE YELLOW IF YOU GET GREEN BLUE PURPLE/VIOLET deuce: I NEED TO SAVE SOME MONEY FOR BLACK CANDLES (WITCHCRAFT CEREMONIES)

net: COKE net: BOTTLE net: CANDLE net: CARROT

pants: THE BEES ARE NO LONGER DELIGHTFUL WELCOME GUESTS pants: THEY HAVE GRADUATED TO A PROBLEM pants: HEY EVERYBODY FREE BEES

pants: SHORE LEAVE IS GONNA BE AWESOME pants: I'M GONNA MEET SOME BROADS AT A GIN JOINT deuce: SMEARING pants: BRING THE WAR BACK HOME

spigot: I'M THE **COOL** MATH TEACHER WHO DROPS THE REQUIRED TEXTBOOK IN THE TRASH CAN AND PULLS OUT HIS PENIS INSTEAD deuce: YOUR PENIS HAS MEASURE ZERO spigot: DELETE THIS

atandt: SPICK DICK: SHORT BUT THICK

deuce: DICKS, ETC. spigot: I WISH WE COULD AT LEAST TALK FIRST

deuce: BUH deuce: DEAR DIARY deuce: FOOD TIME

pants: WHAT KIND OF MAN BARFS ON HIS OWN COCK deuce: A REAL PRO

deuce: TAKE IT deuce: IN THE deuce: SOMETHING pants: SOMETHING-SOMETHING

spigot: WHY CAN'T I SEE ALL THE FOOTAGE FROM WHEN I WOKE UP AFTER 24 HOURS OF SLEEP AND STUMBLED AROUND OPENING AND CLOSING COOKIE DRAWERS deuce: I ALSO WOULD LIKE TO SEE THAT FOOTAGE spigot: WELL THE FOOTAGE IS POINTLESS IF THERE'S NO THIRD ACT spigot: I.E. ACTUALLY FINDING COOKIES INSTEAD OF SHORTBREAD SHITCAKES deuce: THE THIRD ACT IS YOU FURIOUSLY BEATING OFF WHILE LOOKING WITH DEAD EYES DIRECTLY INTO THE CAMERA

atandt: HAIL MARY atandt: BLAM atandt: PRAY FOR US SINNER atandt: BLAM atandt: FOR THE LOVE OF G atandt: BLAM atandt: I NEED TO TAKE A P atandt: BLAM deuce: MAN AM I GLAD I'M NOT CATHOLIC

pants: I WAS NOT BEATING OFF TO WRECK-IT RALPH I WAS JUST ADJUSTING MY UNDERGARMENTS IN THE HEAT OF THE DAY deuce: CASE DISMISSED pants: SHOT ON COURTHOUSE STEPS

pants: I SHOULD NEVER HAVE SASSED THAT COCK pants: FL5.00 SUCKEN UND FUCKEN spigot: JA JA DER ONTERNET pants: GOD BLESS AMERICA spigot: HEIL SPIGOT deuce: SHUT UP KRAUT

spigot: WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO IS DIRECT THE COCKS INTO MY MOUTH AND THEREBY ELIMINATE THE MIDDLE MAN (OR MEN, OR GROUP OF BLACK MEN, OR THE INTERNET) deuce: DON'T YOU MEAN "TAKING OUT THE TRASH" AND "CLEANING THE WINDOWS"

spigot: SHOULD I DIP MY DONG IN THE HAGEN DAZS OR THE FRUSEN GLDJE OR THE FAHRVERGNGEN

pants: WOULD SIR CARE TO WATCH ME BEAT OFF ON CAM OR SHOULD I GET A CAB

spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR pants: ARE YOU OKAY spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR pants: SHOULD I HOLD YOUR HAIR spigot: DURRRRRRRRRRR

pants: GLORMPH spigot: FLURMPTH spigot: SHOULD WE HOP ON A QUICK CALL spigot: IF YOU GIVE ME THE DIAL-IN NUMBER I CAN MAKE FART SOUNDS

deuce: NOT GAY pants: ARE YOU TOTALLY SURE (SHOULD WE RUN TESTS) deuce: NOPE deuce: NO WAY pants: THANK GOD (PUTS BATHROBE BACK ON)

spigot: WE SHOULD LAY OUR PENISES SIDE BY SIDE AND CONDUCT AN OSCAR SLUGFEST #OSCARS #STREAMING effigy: ......ARE WE STANDING SHOULDER TO SHOULDER OR FACE TO FACE? pants: CONSIDER SETTING UP SHOP NEAR THE TOILET WITH MUSIC, YOUR LAPTOP, MAGAZINES, OR BOOKS

pants: GOD BLESS THIS MESS (ON MY FACE) pants: LORD JESUS IT DRIPPED ONTO MY SHIRT COLLAR pants: SURE HOPE WE CAN SHOUT IT OUT deuce: CAN WE LET IT ALL OUT THOUGH pants: I COULD DO WITHOUT THAT (KEEPING THE SPURT IN PLAY) deuce: COME ON deuce: I'M TALKING TO YOU deuce: COME ON pants: SIGH ALL RIGHT (UNDRESSING)

pants: THIS COMMITTEE OWES AN APOLOGY TO MICHAEL CORLEONE

pants: WHO LIKES BONERS ???????????? pants: SHOW OF HANDS PEOPLE deuce: I DON'T pants: I SEE deuce: DICKS

spigot: LET'S ALL RALLY AROUND MY DICK AND SHOW SOME SUPPORT spigot: SFX: PARADES AND HORNS spigot: I'M *GOBBLING* DICK spigot: I'M ALSO GARGLING DICK spigot: IT'S LIKE SOME IDIOT ON THE BUS GROPING YOUR PACKAGE

pants: SOME MANNER OF WONDERFUL FANTASTIC AMAZING HOLE spigot: SHOWSTOPPER PEOPLE MY DORK'S CAUGHT IN A WINE BOTTLE

pants: SHOW US YOUR TITS

pants: YOU ALWAYS FEEL GOOD AFTER TAKING A SHOWER, WHY DON'T YOU DO IT MORE OFTEN deuce: I'M TOO LAZY TO EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION

pants: WHAT'S THE DIFF BETWEEN SHROVE MONDAY AND SHROVE TUESDAY pants: DO I REALLY HAVE TO BE SHIRTLESS FOR BOTH deuce: ANSWER: EXACTLY ONE DAY pants: SEEMS KINDA UNFAIR

deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO INTEGRATE THROUGHOUT YOUR VOLUME deuce: TO CALCULATE YOUR MOMENT OF INERTIA deuce: (AROUND A SPECIFIED AXIS) deuce: SO HOLD STILL pants: UH pants: OKAY pants: HOPING FOR A BLOWJOB deuce: NO TALKING pants: CAN I SMOKE deuce: (PAUSE) deuce: YEAH I SUPPOSE (SHUFFLING SOUNDS DOWN BELOW)

deuce: I RESPECT YOU AS A THING THAT I WISH TO FUCK pants: SO AN OBJECT deuce: SHUSH, THING I WISH TO FUCK

spigot: FOLKS THE ENTIRE DIGITAL TRACKING / SURVEILLANCE / ADVERTISING ALGORITHM COMPLEX HAS 100% FAILED IN COMPLETE DISGRACE IF I'M SEEING ADS FOR PHINEAS AND FERB ON DISNEY+

deuce: SHUT UP atandt: BLEAT

pants: SHUT UP!!!!!!! pants: UHH WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS pants: NO THAT'S RIGHT: SHUT UP

spigot: SHUT UP spigot: FUCKING SHUT UP spigot: SHUT YOUR MOUTH spigot: FUCKING SHUT YOUR FAT FAGGOT MOUTH spigot: SERIOUSLY I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP

pants: NOW YOU GOT THE JUICE spigot: T PANTS I WOULD RATHER MAKE AN EFFORT TO DO WITHOUT THE JUICE PLEASE

pants: AND THEN WE WOKE UP AND IT WAS ALL A DREAM AND WE'RE USING WINDOWS 3.1 deuce: SUDO ME pants: BARF ON IT deuce: MY TAB GROUPS BRING ALL THE BOYS TO THE YARD pants: SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR TAB GROUPS spigot: IF I SEE ANY BOYS IN YOUR TAB GROUPS YOU'RE FIRED

pants: I AM DYING pants: SLOWLY BUT SURELY deuce: THEN SHUT UP ALREADY AND FEDEX YOUR DICKS TO ME

deuce: PEOPLE SHUT UP AND CONCENTRATE ON THIS KNOB spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: DFDFD spigot: SPIGOT LEAVES

pants: I'M AN EGG CARTON deuce: I AM WRAPPING YOU CAREFULLY AND DROPPING YOU FROM A TALL BUILDING IN SOME SORT OF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL SCIENCE EXPERIMENT pants: ALL I KNOW IS WHEN YOU GO TO DIG ME UP IN TEN YEARS YOU WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND ME deuce: SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL

spigot: SOMEBODY BETTER TELL MY NUTS TO SHUT UP spigot: STOP TALKING spigot: SHUT UP NUTS SERIOUSLY PEOPLE ARE LOOKING spigot: I WILL NOT spigot: SHUT UP spigot: NO YOU DO spigot: YOU DO

spigot: AND I'M LIKE "YOU'RE FREAKING ME OUT" BUT IT WON'T SHUT UP

spigot: ARE WE REALLY STILL MAKING KEYBOARDS WHERE ONE KEY IS SPECIFICALLY FOR SHUTTING DOWN BY ACCIDENT deuce: THIS IS THEWAY OF THE WORLD deuce: SAY SOMETHINGDIPSHIT spigot: WEIGH INWITH YOUR TWO GODDAMN CENTS deuce: SOUND OFFIN THE COMMENTS spigot: CAST YOUR VOTE***NOW**** deuce: DO YOU***LITERALLY***SUCK DICKS spigot: ARE YOU APETER PUFFER pants: I DON'TUSE COMPUTERS

spigot: SHYNESS IS NICE spigot: AND / SHYNESS CAN STOP YOU spigot: FROM LICKING ALL THE DICKS IN LIFE / YOU'D LIKE TO spigot: BAM BAM SIR IN THE NEXT STALL ARE YOU CATCHING MY DRIFT deuce: FURRRRRP spigot: BIGMOUTH IS STRIKING AGAIN spigot: IF IT'S NOT LOVE spigot: THEN IT'S THE DONG / THE DONG / THE DONG / THE DONG

spigot: CAN I INTEREST YOU GENTLEMEN IN SOME SICK BEATS: spigot: NVM DEAD BATT

pants: FISH CANNOT CARRY GUNS deuce: THAT'S DEBATABLE !!!!!!!!!! pants: I'LL BE TROFF AND YOU BE NROFF AND WE'LL BOTH BE FAGS deuce: I WILL NOT BE A PART OF YOUR SICK LITTLE GAMES !!! pants: T DEUCE TROFF OR NROFF PICK ONE (ODDLY PERSISTANT) deuce: BLHABLHLABHALBHALBLHBALBHL PISSING AND SHITTING HIMSELF FROM THE STRESS

: MISSING SINCE AUGUST 17 2003 : HAVE YOU SEEN THIS FAG

spigot: TRYING TO CRITIQUE THIS CHARDONNAY HERE spigot: IS PEE THE SAME THING AS PISS

spigot: I'LL JUST HAVE TO CHOKE IT SIDEWAYS/EDGEWISE I SUPPOSE spigot: H spigot: U spigot: G spigot: A spigot: K spigot: L spigot: G spigot: U deuce: BRAVO

deuce: SUDDEN INFANT DIARRHEA SYNDROME spigot: ASKING YOU POLITELY TO LOOK FOR WORMSIGN

spigot: I AM TRYING TO BREATHE OVER HERE spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF FATNESS

spigot: _PACKAGE FOR MISTER FACE_ dick: THPETHIAL DELIVERY

: (theme music plays) deuce: I'M A HOLE deuce: WAITING TO BE FILLED deuce: BUT WITH WHAT ?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!? deuce: SIGN MY GUESTBOOK AND TELL ME pants: CAN THE CHATTER AND HELP ME DIG THIS TUNNEL WILL YA pants: IF THE HACKS CATCH US IT'S THE HOLE FOR SURE pants: HELP ME I HAVE BEEN CRAMMED AND JAMMED INTO A PRISON BREAK FLICK

atandt: WHERE DO I SIGN UP? deuce: FOR DICKS ?? atandt: NO deuce: FOR DICKS THEN atandt: NO deuce: LET'S KISS (OPEN MOUTHED) atandt: OK YES atandt: YOU WORE ME DOWN deuce: WHOO

spigot: LEARN TO SPOT THE SIGNS OF GROOMING LIKE THIS MOVE WHERE I YANK YOUR SKIRT UP OVER YOUR HEAD

spigot: I'M GOING TO VISUALLY INSPECT MY BALLS FOR SIGNS OF VERBAL ABUSE deuce: THERE'S A CREASE deuce: AND A TUCK deuce: WOW THESE BALLS SURE HAVE BEEN YELLED AT SOMETHING AWFUL

spigot: SILENCE WHILE I TAKE THIS SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK spigot: HURRRRRRRNG ALMOST spigot: SPLOOSH spigot: NEXT SHOW: 3:30PM

spigot: SILENT NUTS spigot: HOLY NUTS

spigot: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN PLEASE WELCOME THE BAY AREA'S GREATEST IMPROV TROUPES!!!!!!!!! SILICON CRACKERS spigot: YOU PEOPLE DON'T DESERVE TO KNOW HOW MANY ENGINEERS IT TAKES TO SCREW IN A LIGHTBULB spigot: WHO THREW THAT

deuce: T SPIGOT LET'S GO TO THE SILICON VALLEY LINUX USERS GROUP MEETING AND JERK EACH OTHER IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY (THEREBY GETTING KICKED OUT) spigot: OR ASKED TO SPEAK

spigot: IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY YOU CAN HEAR GIGGLING AND LAUGHING AND GENERAL HOLIDAY MERRIMENT COMING FROM MY TROUSERS spigot: CLOSELY = PUSH YOUR FACE AND EARS INTO MY TROUSERS

spigot: SIMILARLY I DON'T GIVE A SHIT

deuce: SIMON DIDN'T SAY MASTURBATE TO PREGGERS BUT I'M DOING JUST THAT NEVERTHELESS

spigot: IF I HAVE FIVE DONGS AND MY FRIEND DEUCE ASKS FOR TWO DONGS... spigot: ...HOW MANY DONGS DO I HAVE LEFT?!?!? spigot: ANSWER: FIVE deuce: YOU SELFISH PRICK

pants: ARE YOU MY CHILD PROCESS

spigot: when cj cregg did the jackal she diminished the office of the presidency, and there is simply nothing more to be said about it spigot: fucking big bird

deuce: DROWNING IN IT (PALMOLIVE) spigot: THAT'S CLEVER

pants: HOLD MY HAND WHILE I POO deuce: BUT YOU'RE SIMULTANEOUSLY JERKING OFF

spigot: DEAR STEVE CASE!! I HAVE BEEN AN AOL MEMBER FOR THREE DAYS!!! BUT MY SOUTH PARK SOUNDS ARE BROKEN/DON'T PLAY spigot: STALKING THE DOG SHIT AND REALLY KEEPING AN EYE ON IT / FACE IN IT pants: MY LAVA LAMP TOLD ME TO SHOOT THE NEIGHBORS (AND TO SMOKE POT, SIT AROUND) deuce: BETTER DO THE ONE THING FIRST OR YOU'LL NEVER GET AROUND TO IT pants: THE UNIVERSE EXPLODED

pants: GAY WIENERS / GAY WIENERS pants: SING WITH ME pants: BELCH deuce: NOT REALLY SINGING, MUTTERING WITH BOREDOM

spigot: T DEUCE PLINK PLONK BOING ZOING SING WITH ME deuce: T SPIGOT YEE HAW LINE DANCING

: Jerkcity 2018 Annual Report will be delayed this year due to rain. pants: SING WITH ME deuce: WHAT ARE WE SINGING deuce: WIENERS AND BALLS / WIENERS AND BALLS pants: MY ORIGINAL PREMISE WAS FAULTY: NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR US SING

spigot: NIGHT AND DAY spigot: I'M LICKING DICK spigot: WHETHER FACE DOWN ON THE FLOOR spigot: OR spigot: UNDER A PRICK pants: CAN I HAVE CHANGE FOR THE BUS

spigot: DUH LA LA SINGING AND PRANCING spigot: AIDS SYMPTOMS????????? spigot: HOMPH HOMPH NOW I'M JUST DYING

atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED atandt: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN EXPERIENCED atandt: WELL I HAVE atandt: I KNOW I KNOW YOU'LL PROBABLY SCREAM AND CRY atandt: THAT YOUR LITTLE WORLD WON'T LET YOU GO atandt: BUT WHO IN YOUR MEASLY LITTLE WORLD atandt: ARE YOU TRYING TO PROVE TO THAT YOU'RE NOT MADE OUT OF GOLD atandt: AND CAN'T BE SOLD atandt: SO atandt: UH atandt: ARE YOU EXPERIENCED

pants: SINGLE DONG THEORY deuce: EXCELLENT

pants: MILLIONS OF DICKS MAKING THEIR WAY THROUGH THIS WEARY WORLD spigot: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SINGLE FILE PLEASE

: INIT: SINGLE USER MODE ozone: BALLS???????????????? deuce: T OZONE INDEED pants: I VOTE BALLS

spigot: YO YO YO spigot: CAN YOU LOOK OVER HERE PLEASE FOR ONE SEC SIR spigot: SIR TALKING TO YOU SIR spigot: SIR TURNING THE WRONG WAY WITH YOUR ARMS FOLDED SIR spigot: SIR spigot: SIRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRR RRRR RRRRRR RRRRRRRR R RRRRRRRRRRR RRRRR HURRRRRR R RRRRRRRR RRRRRR RR RRRR RRRR pants: OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT spigot: LOOK HOW UPSIDE-DOWN I AM