deuce: DOES U PINCH ON ETC. pants: I WOULD IF YOU HADN'T PUT RUBBER BANDS ON MY CLAWS

pants: HAVE YOU INSTALLED YOUR DEBUG NUB spigot: CONFIRMING YOU INSTALLED THE DEBUG NUB pants: ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE NOT EMBARRASSED BY THE DEBUG NUB pants: THERE'S FRIENDS AND FUN AND FOOD AT THE DEBUG NUB

pants: no one should use the body of an 05:04 pants: unwilling partner for their own pleasure 05:06 pants: unprotected and unplanned sexual 05:09 pants: intercourse is wrong and no one need 05:13 pants: allow anyone to touch their bodies if 05:15 pants: they do not want them to 05:15 pants: we may not 05:19 pants: always succeed in reaching the trainees 05:22 pants: we must always try 05:32 pants: [Music] 05:48 pants: [Music] 05:48

pants: GOD LOVES A COCKSUCKER SUCH AS MYSELF deuce: T PANTS ACTUALLY I DON'T THINK HE REALLY DOES pants: T DEUCE WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING deuce: T PANTS I DON'T WANT THE RUG MONSTERS TO FIND ME IN HERE (TOILET)

bung: IT'S HOW STEAK IS DONE deuce: THREE DICKS HALF OFF spigot: WHY DO YOU HAVE TO RUIN EVERY CHRISTMAS

spigot: YOUR WEIGHT SHOULD BE 2X YOUR AGE PLUS 300

pants: WAR OF THE WORLDS ALIEN SOUND BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG

pants: LOOK WHAT HAPPENED deuce: NOW IT'S ALL OVER

net: SWITCHING TO RUNLEVEL Q pants: WATCHING YOU SWITCH deuce: WATCHING YOU WATCHING HIM SWITCH pants: HOPING IT INVOLVES A HLAGULA AND SOME BHULAGHLAHGLG pants: WE ARE ALL WATCHING THE DONGS deuce: (FOR SIGNS OF LIFE) pants: AND PRAYING deuce: DOMINE SUCKUS

spigot: T DEUCE A BEE FLEW INTO MY FRESCA spigot: DROPPING IT spigot: RUNNING AWAY spigot: CLONK spigot: BONK

pants: RE: WIPING MY DICK OFF AND RUNNING AWAY TO FIND ANOTHER STARBUCKS/RAPE CENTER

pants: NOW GET ME MORE DICKS FOR THIS MOUTH OF MINE pants: WHAT THE HELL KIND OF PIMP ARE YOU pants: RUNNING ON EMPTY

spigot: I LEAVE FOR TWO HOURS AND THERE'S NO NEW COMEDY spigot: FINE: BLUPPITY BLUP COCKS UP THE NUTS AND FAT QUEERS spigot: RUNNING OUT OF NEW COMEDY DEVICES TO KEEP JERKCITY ALIVE

spigot: SQURLTLGRLGLGRLRGLRLGLRGLRGRLGRL CARPET deuce: RUNNING TO THE TOILET

pants: s e x u a l deuce: so many sex deuce: do you sex the ziggurat pants: br rr rr rr

pants: 900 DICKS spigot: TRAINING MYSELF SO EVERY TIME I SEE ANIME SPIGOT OR ANIME PANTS BEING ANIME GAY I THINK _AT LEAST THESE KIDS BUY BOOKS_ spigot: SOMEHOW DEUCE GETS AWAY WITH JUST BEING ANIME MEAN deuce: STRATEGIC BUTTHOLE RESERVE

spigot: I MADE A SQUIRTY DIARRHEA SOUND IN THE TOILET BOWL THAT SOUNDED EXACTLY LIKE THE MONTY PYTHON ONE AND I ALSO DID ONE IN THE BED pants: SCOOT OVER

spigot: HI???????? spigot: IF SOMEONE COULD PLEASE PASS THE DONGS spigot: COURTESY IS CONTAGIOUS GANG

spigot: SAAADAAS: SPOOKY ACTION AT A DISTANCE AS A SERVICE

spigot: NOW ALL OF LEBANON'S ZENITH TELEVISIONS AND SONY DISCMANS AND NINTENDO POWER GLOVES ARE EXPLODING

pants: OOF OW pants: SHOVED INTO A POTATO SACK pants: MY FATE: TO BE THROWN INTO THE RIVER pants: HOWEVER THE SACK IS MADE OF BURLAP AND pants: IT SPLITS WHEN YOU TRY AND TOSS ME IN pants: NOW I AM ON THE RIVER BANK SITTING IN THE WET GRASS, CONFUSED

atandt: NOTE: HEART STILL GOING ON deuce: YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE TO LEARN HOW TO INTERNALIZE atandt: IF I INTERNALIZE ON BONEQUEST, THE COMEDY WILL BE OVER atandt: CHRIST YOU'RE THICK pants: KOMM, GIB MIR DEINE HAND deuce: SACK THE KRAUT

pants: WAS RE: YOU IN A WOMAN'S DRESS pants: NOT EVEN A FASHIONABLE DRESS JUST A PLAIN JANE DEPRESSION-ERA SACK pants: HEY DON'T GET ME WRONG IT'S CLOTH NOT BURLAP pants: BUT IT IS SACK-LIKE pants: THE PATTERN COULD HAVE BEEN FROM SEARS OR MONTGOMERY WARDS pants: HA HA I LIKE TO CALL IT MONTGOMERY ***WEIRD*** pants: BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WEIRD PEOPLE BUY CLOTHES!!!!!!!! pants: UNFASHIONABLE SACK CLOTHES

pants: SACRE BONG deuce: SPOKEN IN PERFECT FROG

spigot: GEE WHIZ I DON'T DARE VIOLATE MY SACRED COVENANT WITH THE AUDIENCE BY LICKING DICK BUT HURNKTH BLOMPFTH

spigot: T PANTS SAD THAT THE DOPE YOU GAVE ME WAS AN I.O.U. AND A BOTTLECAP

spigot: I'M SAD THAT I'M DRINKING MY LAST GUINNESS spigot: AND I'M SAD THAT I'M TOO LAZY TO GET MORE GUINNESS spigot: BUT HOW GRATEFUL AM I THAT DEUCE IS ON HIS WAY TO MY HOUSE IN A SELF-DRIVING CAR TO DELIVER MORE GUINNESS AND THEN HOPEFULLY LEAVE IMMEDIATELY pants: DEUCEDASH

deuce: THE ADOBE FLASH PLUGIN HAS CRASHED. deuce: SAD LEGO BRICK FACE deuce: MY DICK

deuce: SADNESS IS ALL THERE IS deuce: IT'S SADNESS TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN

spigot: MY ERECTION CROSSED THE RAINBOW BRIDGE TODAY

pants: TODAY'S ENTERTAINMENT SECTION HAS THIS HEADLINE: pants: SADE STILL PROVES SHE'S A SMOOTH OPERATOR pants: I DON'T GET THAT deuce: SMOOOOOOOOOOOTH OPERATOR pants: OH !!!!!!! IT'S ONE OF HER SONGS !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I **GET** **IT** **NOW** deuce: AREN'T JOURNALISTS CLEVER pants: AND HOW pants: THAT COLUMNIST SHOULD GET A RAISE AND A PAT ON THE BACK pants: ALSO A GROPE TO THE CHEST (BOOBS OR NOT)

spigot: HURRRRRRR SAFE AT HOME deuce: I THREW OUT YOUR GODDAMN BUTT PLUGS

deuce: CAN YOU MARK YOURSELF SAFE FROM THE FLOODING ON FACEBOOK SO I CAN IGNORE YOU pants: NEVER pants: EASTER PEEP-FLAVORED OREOS pants: WAS RE: WHY AM I FAT, WHY I AM FAT

deuce: I ENCOURAGE SAFE SEX deuce: NAMELY: BEAT THE FUCK OUT OF THE CUNT AND TELL HER TO FUCK OFF deuce: YOU MIGHT GET AIDS IF HER BLOOD SPLATTERS ON YOU, BUT IT'S REALLY WORTH THE RISK

spigot: YOU CAN TRANS IF YOU WANT TO spigot: YOU CAN LEAVE YOUR DICKS BEHIND spigot: MEN WITHOUT DICKS

deuce: SOMEONE HAS BEEN SMOKING POT pants: I RECKON I LIKE DICK

spigot: AGE/SEX/COP OR NOT

spigot: THALES :SWEAT_DROPS: THERVITH :SWEAT_DROPS: THUPPORT :SWEAT_DROPS: spigot: MORE LIKE SERVICE MERCHANDYKES spigot: FROM THE DIRECTOR OF MORBIUS pants: FREE R. KELLY

pants: THE SPICE MUST FLOW deuce: WE GOTTA GET YOU A SALT LICK

pants: MY COW NAME IS BUTTERBALLS deuce: hail and well met, Butterballs pants: salt lick plz pants: open range would be good pants: source of water pants: oh you know what would be great is a big ol' bell around my neck pants: that's pretty much about it (barney fife sniff) pants: whadda ya gonna do

spigot: FOLKS BEFORE EARTH THERE WAS MARS, THE CENTER OF THE FUCKING UNIVERSE TEEMING WITH CENTURIES OF DIVERSE CULTURES AND CIVILIZATIONS!!!!!! spigot: AND THEY BLEW IT spigot: SO SAVE THOSE CANS!!!!!!!!!

deuce: T SPIGOT IF YOU DO DRUGS YOU ARE AIDING TERRORISTS (OR SOMETHING) spigot: ALSO IF I DON'T PAY FOR COMMERCIALS I'M AN ENABLER FOR DICKS TO GO UNLICKED spigot: IN THE NORTHWEST CORNER OF THE SAM GOODY spigot: AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS............ SPIDER-MAN

atandt: WHAT WE NEED IS ONE MORE DICK I THINK deuce: T ATANDT I HAVE FIVE ON ORDER atandt: ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE SAME THING HERE deuce: YES deuce: WE'RE TALKING ABOUT DICKS RIGHT

spigot: WHADDYA MEAN BONEQUEST AND BALLQUEST ARE HAPPENING ON THE SAME DAY spigot: OPERATOR spigot: HELLO

pants: BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. DO I LOOK CUTE IN THIS TOP? deuce: meh pants: what about this one (1980s movie montage where we try on hats in front of a mirror, beat each other off) pants: what about this one (same hat, can't fool you)

dick: I SPY WITH MY SAME SEX EYE SOME SAME SEX SEX WITH A SAME SEX GUY

spigot: :NOTES: IF YOU'RE FOND OF SAND DUNES / AND BIG LONG DONGS spigot: :NOTES: QUAINT LITTLE PENISES / STUCK IN BONGS

deuce: MAN SANDRA BERNHARD IS FUCKING DISGUSTING pants: YES SHE IS A FREAKISH WHOREBAG THING deuce: DISGUSTING deuce: HEY GREAT YOU'RE PREGNANT GET THE FUCK OFF MY SCREEN pants: SHE WOULD LOOK NORMAL EXCEPT FOR HER FACE AND BODY deuce: PRETTY MUCH IF YOU REPLACED EVERYTHING WITH SOMETHING ELSE THEN SHE WOULD BE AWESOME deuce: (ALSO DARK SPRAY PAINT IS REQUIRED) pants: NOT SO KEEN ON THE SPRAY PAINT (UNLESS WE USE GOLD) deuce: T PANTS GOLD IS GOOD (RE: LOVE DELUXE)

:look: THIS FATTY 🤠 pants: AND SO I WAKE IN THE MORNING AND I STEP OUTSIDE pants: AND I TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND I GET REAL HIGH pants: AND I SCREAM FROM THE TOP OF MY LUNGS pants: ^BE MY SANDWICH DADDY^

pants: SANS FANNYPACK WOULD MAKE A GOOD PORNO NAME FOR ME spigot: OR A QUALITY FONT pants: WHEN IS MY BONER COMING TO BLU-RAY spigot: IT'S spigot: AL / REA / DY / HERE pants: [ORCHESTRA SWELLS]

deuce: SANTA CLAUS IS HUMPING MY GOWN pants: HE'S HUMPING WHAT'S UNDER IT ANYWAY

deuce: SATURDAYS ARE FOR JERKING deuce: ALSO CLAMPING, HAMMERING AND SQUEEZING deuce: CARRY ON

spigot: CLANG CLANG CLANG WENT THE TROLLEY spigot: DING DING DING WENT THE BELL deuce: THE POWERFUL USE OF CADENCE IS STAGGERING BUT THE CONTENT SOMEWHAT FALLS SHORT ARTISTICALLY spigot: SAUSALITO

pants: SAVE ME A SEAT pants: BY WHICH I MEAN A TOILET SEAT!!!! A SEAT ON THE TOILET GHLAHLUAGHAG pants: LOVELY ACOUSTICS IN HERE

spigot: S9-23 spigot: 90GU3WQ]3WG spigot: HELP SMURSHING

spigot: SAVING PRIVATE DICKLICKER spigot: WARNING CONTAINS GRAPHIC SCENES OF DICKLICKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: (COCKSUCKING) spigot: OKAY MEN LET'S ALL HURMPH BURMPH LORD GOD WE'RE NOT EVEN OUT OF THE BOAT spigot: BHLRUHBLURHLUBHRLGBUHRLUBHLHRG ARE YOU RYAN NO OKAY BHRLBURHLGUHLRUBH

deuce: FOLKS GOD IS TELLING ME TO JERK OFF AGAIN (IN ORDER TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE) pants: DON'T JUST STAND THERE THEN pants: TO THE BATCAVE

deuce: my level 7 cuddle elf strikes your desalinization plant ... saving throw!!!

deuce: MY TESTICLES pants: I'LL LET GO WHEN YOU SAY I'M PRETTY

spigot: MY LUMBERING AUTISTIC SON DID A BUNCH OF WEIRD HORRIBLE THINGS ?????????? W H A T

spigot: WAIT TIL I FIND OUT THE "ALGORITHM" IS JUST A HIGHLY POLISHED MIRROR OF MY OWN SHIT CHOICES IN LIFE spigot: YOU PEOPLE HAVE STOOD IN MY WAY LONG ENOUGH, I'M LICKING A DICK pants: SAY IT AIN'T SO spigot: I WISH ADAM SAVAGE COULD SIT ON HIS HANDS AND MOUTH AT THE SAME TIME spigot: COMPUTER I SAID **BIG** TITS

pants: VEERAPPAN IS DEAD atandt: SAY IT AIN'T SO pants: AN UNKNOWN STATE OF MOUSTACHE atandt: THIS TIME FOR SURE atandt: VEERAPPAN WE HARDLY KNEW YE pants: AND WE CAN PUT REAGAN'S FACE ON THE OTHER SIDE

deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU pants: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

spigot: SAY NO TO ALCOHOL AND HOMOS

pants: GALHLAGHLAHG SUCK IT pants: SUCK IT PLEASE deuce: SAY PLEASE (REFUSING TO ACKNOWLEDGE YOU ALREADY SAID PLEASE) pants: PLEASE (GOING WITH THE FLOW)

pants: THE MEN'S ROOM

spigot: SAY WHAT NOW spigot: SAY AGAIN spigot: NOBODY GIVES A SHIT spigot: ***THINK*** SHEEPLE spigot: BOOM MICS LOWERING INTO FRAME

spigot: I WASN'T GOING TO LICK DICK, THEN I REALIZED I HAVE TO BE FLEXIBLE

pants: HI pants: I AM SAYING HI TO YOU OVER THE INTERNET deuce: I AM SAYING I ALREADY TOOK A DUMP IN YOUR MOUTH pants: HI deuce: HI pants: HEY WHAT'S UP pants: I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY

pants: SCANNING FOR `BOYS` pants: SCAN COMPLETE: NO `BOYS` FOUND pants: TOTAL NUMBER OF `BOYS` : 0

pants: AM I HARD deuce: SCANNING ... deuce: SCANNING ... deuce: PENIS NOT FOUND deuce: ASSERTION FAILED: PENIS deuce: PLEASE REBOOT THE SYSTEM.

deuce: RARRRR pants: EEEEEKKKK SCARY

pants: BLINK BLINK spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF DICKS AND PRICKS????? spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF BLURKS AND BLORKS?????? spigot: WHAT ABOUT THE SEPARATION OF DONGS AND BONGS??????? spigot: I AM SCARED TO BREAK THE GLASS

pants: cannibalize your own dong deuce: scarfing it down

pants: ALL RIGHT WE'LL DO THE DAMN LOT COUNT spigot: I AM COOPERATING

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: T SPIGOT NOW YOU SAY DICKS!!! spigot: DICKS deuce: NOW WE CAN ALL SHOOT UP A SCHOOL/WORKPLACE/CHURCH/MALL

spigot: UM, I DO NOT REMEMBER EATING THE LAST BITE OF PIZZA SO IT IS AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: I AM NOT SITTING ON IT!!!!!!!!! IT DID NOT WALK AWAY!!!!!!!! spigot: WHOOPS!!!!!!!!!! THAT WAS THIS MORNING'S EMPTY BOX spigot: NOT THIS EVENING'S DOUBLE-BOX WITH BREADSTICKS POUCH / DIPPING SAUCES deuce: IT IS SCHRODINGER'S PIZZA AND IS NEITHER IN YOUR APARTMENT NOR OUT OF IT AND YET BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

spigot: T PANTS CAN YOU HELP ME DEVELOP A SCI-FI WESTERN THAT TAKES PLACE ENTIRELY IN YOUR MOUTH (WITH MY PRICK)

spigot: IF I WANTED TO LEARN ABOUT SCIENCE AND MEDICINE I'D ORDER A PROSTITUTE

pants: TSK TSK TSK

net: HELP ME I'M BIG AND FAT deuce: SCOOPING AND SHOVELING net: SMOOTHING AND CARESSING deuce: PACKING AND LEAVING

pants: IT IS AS IF THE MACHINE DOES NOT HAVE AN OFF STATE pants: IT IS LIKE THOSE LIGHTSWITCHES IN PEOPLE'S HOUSES WITH THE SCOTCH TAPE OR PERHAPS MASKING TAPE COVERING IT pants: LORD GOD DON'T FLIP THIS ONE OR THE MICROWAVE AND STEREO GO DOWN

atandt: HMM atandt: WORKS FOR ME net: PANTS IS COMPLAINING ABOUT HIS CHAIR AGAIN net: EH, WE'VE BEEN HERE BEFORE atandt: BRIGHT IN HERE atandt: IT'S GOT THAT PURPLE VOLCANO THING GOING ON atandt: MAYBE WE COULD GET CURTAINS net: ON AND ON ABOUT THE CHAIR atandt: HE DOES THAT atandt: SO THE VOLCANO THING THEN net: PENCIL IT IN atandt: CHECK net: CHINESE FOR LUNCH

effigy: STOP CASTING POROSITY

deuce: SPIGOT SUCKS COCK spigot: THAT'S GOING IN THE SCRAPBOOK

deuce: I'M A MONARCH BUTTERFLY deuce: FUCK MY BROWN ASS deuce: WAIT DO BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? PROBABLY deuce: DO GIRL BUTTERFLIES HAVE BUTTHOLES??? DOUBTFUL deuce: MY UNDERWEAR IS SCRATCH AND SNIFF

spigot: MY SCRATCH DISKS ARE FULL spigot: OW

pants: ME SO SCREAMY SHOUT deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSING ... deuce: PARSE ERROR pants: HTTPS://GOOGLE.COM/SEARCH?Q="ME+SO+SCREAMY+SHOUT"

pants: THE MATRIX SCREENSAVER IS TELLING ME IN NO UNCERTAIN TERMS THAT I AM A QUEER COCKSUCKER !!! REALLY HOPING I CAN GET AALIYAH'S ROLE

deuce: TELL SPIGOT MAMA I'M IN LOVE WITH A GANGSTA spigot: T DEUCE SCRUB WITH HOT SOAPY WATER UNTIL YOU'RE GAY

spigot: THAT BEHAVIOR IS UNWELCOME SIR pants: IS IT ME AND MY HEAD OR ME AND MY BODY spigot: OOF URF SIR pants: IT SAYS HERE YOU RENTED "SCRUBBING CHUMS"..... AND RETURNED IT LATE ??? pants: IT IS AS IF YOU ARE NOT AHERING TO THE POLICY SET FORTH BY THE TILE IS NICE AND COOL IN HERE A STARK CONTRAST TO THE HUHHHHHH spigot: BISCOTTI

spigot: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: I'M A SEA CUCUMBER RAPER spigot: THEN I'M NO LONGER A SEA CUCUMBER deuce: YOU WIN THIS ROUND

spigot: RICHARD DAWKINS SAYS I'M RELATED TO SEA SQUIRTS !!!!!!! spigot: I GUESS I KNEW THAT deuce: SFX: PARADES AND HORNS

pants: I HAVE A SEA URCHIN UP ME deuce: IF YOU TRY TO REMOVE IT YOU WILL DIE

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU LICK MY DICK SEAMLESSLY ACROSS ALL DEVICES

net: I'M GOING TO HOLD MY BREATH UNTIL I TURN GAY deuce: I ASSURE YOU WHEN YOU PASS OUT YOU WILL MAGICALLY TURN GAY net: HUHHHHHHHHHHH WHERE ARE THESE BRUISES FROMMMMM net: ALSO THE SEMEN deuce: SEARING BLINDING PAIN

pants: SEASON'S GREETINGS FUCKHEADS : Sally -- : Ran out of time this afternoon, please publish the standard-issue Jerkcity Holidays crapfest. : Thanks doll! : --Editor : : Not a creature was stirring. They were all in shock from the unstoppable series of blowjobs, one after another.

deuce: "SECOND BASE" IS WHEN YOU TALK TO A WOMAN AND SHE DOESN'T LAUGH dick: IT'S WHEN SHE STOPS MOVIN'

deuce: OH YEAH deuce: I'LL BE THE PRETTIEST GIRL IN PRESCHOOL deuce: WAIT deuce: SECOND PRETTIEST

spigot: I GUESS THERE'S NOTHING COOL ABOUT PUNCHING A FLORIST