spigot: GAY AND TRANS PORGS

spigot: EMERGENCY PORN IN THE BOX spigot: CRITICAL LIFE-SAVING JERKABLES

spigot: HUH?????? BETTER GOOGLE SHAY FOX NOODLE DICKS deuce: EVERYTHING CONVERGES TO PORN

spigot: I'D LIKE THE PORN COURT TO RELEASE THE VIDEOS I FUCKING ORDERED deuce: T SPIGOT IT IS HELD UP IN PROBATE (OR ESCROW, NOT SURE WHICH) atandt: MY PROBATE ITCHES RIGHT NOW deuce: YOU MEAN YOUR ESCROW

spigot: CANADA THREATENING TO TURN OFF PORNHUB IS LIKE DEUCE WARNING ME HE'LL UNSUBSCRIBE FROM VIDEOBOX spigot: I KNOW AMERICANS ARE DUMB BUT NOBODY'S "THERE'S LITERALLY NO OTHER PLACE TO BEAT OFF" DUMB SO I'M CALLING IT NOW: `FAKE NEWS` spigot: THERE'S SAFEWAY, THRE'S BARNES AND NOBLE, THERE USED TO BE MERVYN'S spigot: T DEUCE PLEASE NEVER CHANGE YOUR PASSWORD pants: ALL OF OUR FACES AT ONCE???

pants: T SPIGOT I JIZZED UP YOUR TOILET PORN STACK pants: AND pants: I'M SORRY

deuce: VICTORIA PARIS spigot: FAT FACE, LEGS, BOOBS, ETC AND BORING SUCKING SKILLS deuce: JEANNETTE LITTLEDOVE spigot: VANISHED deuce: SAVANNAH spigot: DECEASED deuce: ASHLEY GERE spigot: YAWN deuce: ADARA MICHAELS spigot: BORING AND PENTHOUSE deuce: SAMANTHA STRONG spigot: SCREAMY AND FAT deuce: TERI WEIGEL spigot: CONCERNED FOR MY SAFETY

deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN deuce: STILL COMING deuce: PORN PORN PORN PORN

pants: OKAY FINE YES I STOP TO LOOK AT PORN SPRAYS ALL RIGHT pants: IT'S LIKE KRYPTONITE I GOTTA STOP pants: "WOW TWO GIRLS" BRAP BRAP BRAP BRAP DEATH BY PORN TRAP

atandt: I'D LIKE TO POINT OUT THAT ALL BONEQUEST PROFITS GO DIRECTLY TO PORNOGRAPHY (ALSO SHOCK TARTS) spigot: WOULD LIKE TO COMPARE AND CONTRAST SHOCK TARTS WITH PILLSBURY TOASTER STRUDELS spigot: THEN I WILL MAKE A FUNNY FAQ WITH ASCII ART

spigot: PORTAL 2 BETTER NOT BE HARD

spigot: TEACH ME TO SQUIRT deuce: OH DEAR

spigot: BY PLACING HANDFULS OF M&M'S INTO A CUP I CAN PRACTICALLY DRINK THEM spigot: GIVE ME SOME POSITIVE FEEDBACK ABOUT MY COMEDY I'M NOT UP HERE FOR MY HEALTH PEOPLE

deuce: MAN THIS RUBIK'S CUBE IS REALLY HARD TO SOLVE, ANYONE GOT A CHEAT SHEET???

pants: WE WILL POKE POSIX PRICKS deuce: LET'S ALL LEARN BASIC pants: VISUAL OR APPLESOFT OR THE OTHER KIND (WITH THE CHERRY FILLING) deuce: IT'S STRAWBERRY AND YES THAT ONE pants: LET'S JUST CALL IT RED FLAVORED deuce: WE HAVE REACHED A CONSENSUS AND THUS CAN MOVE ON TO THE FURTHER STAGE OF LICKING PRIX pants: WHAT A GRAND PRIX IT WILL BE

ozone: BUT I ALREADY JERKED OFF ozone: JERK OFFED ozone: HOWEVER YOU SAY IT

: OZONE'S POT BROWNIE RECIPE ozone: 1/3 C FLOUR 1/4 TEASP BAKING POWDER 3 TABLESP SHORTENING (BUTTER WORKS FINE) 3/4 C SUGAR (BROWN WORKS GREAT) DASH SALT 2 TABLESP CORN SYRUP 1 BEATEN EGG 1 SQUARE BAKING CHOCOLATE 1 TABLESP VANILLA 3/4 C CHOPPED NUTS (OPTIONAL) A COFFEE GRINDER HALF FULL, FINELY GROUND ozone: THE CORN SYRUP SEEMS TO BE THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING. THERE'S NO NEED TO CLEAN THE ACTIVE INGREDIENT, JUST STUFF IT IN THERE WHOLE. MAKE A POT OF COFFEE AFTERWARDS WITHOUT CLEANING THE GRINDER ozone: MIX SHORTENING, SUGAR, CORN SYRUP, EGG; SIFT IN FLOUR, BAKING POWDER, SALT, STIR IN CHOCOLATE AND EVERYTHING ELSE. PUT IN GREASED 8" PAN (GLASS IS BEST). BAKE 20 MINUTES AT 350F LET COOL. CUT INTO 8 PIECES, TEST CAREFULLY.

deuce: EOBS (END OF BEATOFF SESSIONS) deuce: ALSO A LITTLE DISAPPOINTED "BEATOFF" IS NOT IN MY DICTIONARY pants: DID YOU MEAN "BAKEOFF"? pants: BETTER GET BACK IN THE KITCHEN pants: WHERE'S MY CHICKEN POT PIE deuce: UP ME pants: WHERE'S MY TURKEY POT PIE deuce: UNDEFINED pants: WHERE'S MY CLAM CHOWDER POT PIE pants: WHERE IS IT pants: WHERESIT pants: C'MON deuce: IN THIS FRESHLY-DUG GRAVE (IGNORE THE SHOVELS NEARBY WAITING TO BONK YOU ON THE HEAD)

pants: TAKE A RUBBER MALLET FROM pants: HARDWARE STORE-HAVE ONE THAT'S EXCLUSIVE FOR KITCHEN, pants: FLATTEN THE POTATOES WITH MALLET

spigot: NOT SURE I CAN LIFT 150 POUNDS pants: “POTENTIAL FOR OVERTIME” SOUNDS SINISTER spigot: BODEGA CATS!!!!!!!! SHITTIN' ON THE FRUIT spigot: T DEUCE THAT'S THE NEW JAMMIN' ON THE ONE deuce: ROGER THOSE PLOPS spigot: THAT PENIS POKED ME RIGHT IN THE FEELS

spigot: THIS URINE STAIN REALLY TIES THE ROOM TOGETHER

spigot: i keep meaning to pour out a solid memorial to henry from 435 but i also keep drinking it

deuce: hat on heart pants: pouring one out pants: immediately regretting it pants: lapping it up off the floor

spigot: WHERE'S THE SUPERCUT OF RALPH KRAMDEN ACTUALLY HITTING HIS WIFE pants: HE LOVED HER SO MUCH BUT NOW SHE'S ON THE MOON (SOBBING)

dick: T DEUCE SHOW YOUR TITS deuce: POW BLAM SPARK

spigot: FOREVER CHEMICALS IN MY ERECTION CREAMS deuce: PENIS PUMPS POWERED BY CLEAN COAL pants: NOT EVEN I THINK TO GOD

pants: WHY AREN'T WE ALL METRIC AGAIN deuce: T PANTS BECAUSE AMERICANS ARE LAZY AND THE GOVERNMENT FORGOT ABOUT IT pants: T DEUCE OUR CANADIAN LEADERS ARE IDIOTS deuce: AMERICANS ARE TOO STUPID TO UNDERSTAND POWERS OF 10 I GUESS pants: 3/4 deuce: PRECISELY

spigot: IF SMOKING DOPE AND QUEERING DOWN COCK IS WRONG THEN I DON'T WANT TO BE RIGHT atandt: A POX ON YOUR HOUSE

pants: THE MYSTERY POO spigot: PPLFFLK GHRPTH MAY HAVE A CLUE HERE PTHTHTL BLTPGLGKG

deuce: that's practically the whole Internet deuce: including the dark web pants: what about the jackoff web deuce: unknown

pants: FELLATIO PLZ deuce: SHOW ME HOW deuce: ON THIS PRACTICE DICK (NOT A PRACTICE DICK) pants: SOMEBODY WROTE PRACTICE DICK ON IT THOUGH pants: SOMEBODY WITH A SHARPIE deuce: NO MORE TALKING, ONLY ACTING NOW

pants: I NEED TO PLAN MY WEEKEND pants: HOURS IN THE DAY pants: INCHES OF COCK pants: HOW MANY CAN I GOBBLE DOWN THIS FINE DAY I WONDER pants: PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

deuce: if I could be any kind of Zapf I'd be a Dingbat pants: and i'd chase you around my kitchen with a broom deuce: as God intended pants: praise Him

spigot: CHRIST IS LOAD spigot: (SQUINTING) spigot: NO THAT'S RIGHT

pants: HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN pants: PRAISE HIM pants: SIRS I-- pants: OH LORDY LORD IT'S HAPPENING pants: AGAIN pants: HLAGHLUAHGLAGAG pants: SPIT KICK DUH MOO GLUAHGLAG LGAHULAG HGLUAGHG pants: GET A ROPE

pants: WELL pants: HERE I GO INTO THE CALTRAIN RESTROOM pants: PRAY FOR ME

pants: DON'T PRAY FOR ME pants: WAIT pants: OKAY MAYBE A LITTLE

pants: OKAY I NEED EVERYBODY TO PRAY FOR ME pants: IN 3 pants: 2 pants: 1 pants: PRAY FOR PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: THERE'S NO PARTICULAR REASON OR WANT I JUST LIKE TO BE IN GOD'S THOUGHTS deuce: YOU'LL REGRET IT pants: WILL I THO deuce: WHAT DID I JUST SAY

pants: PRAY UNDER ME pants: GO ON pants: CLIMB DOWN pants: THERE YOU GO deuce: YOU'RE PEEING pants: NOW: PRAY

spigot: I CAN'T BREATHE FOR THE LOVE OF HOLY GOD (AND CHRIST) pants: PRAY WITH ME spigot: I HAVE FORSAKEN MY ONLY BEGOTTEN BONER FOR RICH DELICIOUS CRUMBCAKE

pants: WASH AWAY MY UGLY SINS

spigot: LET'S BOW FOR PRAYER spigot: FALLS FOWARD, BASHES HEAD ON CORNER OF SOLID MARBLE COUNTERTOP

pants: PRAYER WARRIORS DESPERATELY NEEDED AGAIN pants: JUST KIDDING WELCOME TO THE COCKSUCKING CONTEST BOYS

spigot: T DEUCE I'M PRAYING FOR YOU deuce: T SPIGOT PUCKER UP BABY spigot: DON'T KNOCK MY FAITH WHEN YOU COULD SIMPLY KNOCK ME DOWN MARBLE STEPS

dick: FEELING ESPECIALLY DANCY / PRANCY THIS MORNING dick: I AM PUNCHING YOUR PRE-PAID BLOWJOB CARD TWICE BECAUSE YOU DID NOT BATHE TODAY dick: MAKE THAT THREE TIMES (UNCIRCUMCIZED)

spigot: LET HE WHO LICKS DICK LICK THE FIRST DICK pants: AMEN deuce: HALLELUJAH

pants: standing on you like a hose deuce: forcing me to exhale all my precious oxygen deuce: huhhhhhhhhhhhhhggghg-h (some spit) pants: putting a kink in you pants: now you spray sideways

spigot: BRISCO: THE PERP MUST HAVE BEEN IN A HURRY spigot: CURTIS: HE LEFT HIS PRECIOUS WEAPON BEHIND spigot: MCCOY: HURRRRR HUHHHHHHH GAY POO pants: LAW & ORDER WILL BE RIGHT BACK

pants: T SPIGOT I'M PREGNANT spigot: THERE'S BEEN A LOT OF THAT GOING AROUND LATELY

pants: PREGGO pants: CAUSING EROSION IN YOUR FACE/NECK/BALLS AREA pants: TUGGING AND TUGGING AND TUGGING SOME MORE

spigot: I AM HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: YOU ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

spigot: :POINT_RIGHT::SKIN-TONE-2:PRESIDENT:POINT_LEFT::SKIN-TONE-2: OF THE SAN ANSELMO BEDWETTERS ASSOCIATION deuce: IT'S MORE OF AN HONORARY POSITION, REALLY deuce: WE'RE ALL PRESIDENTS AT THE SABA

dick: I'M PRETENDING MY MOUTH ISN'T FOR SALE (BUT IT REALLY IS) deuce: I'M KNOWING IT IS

pants: I'M PRETTY deuce: NO YOU'RE NOT

deuce: THERE'S ONLY TWO WAYS WE CAN LEAVE THIS ROOM: IF I SUCK YOUR DICK OR YOU SUCK MY DICK pants: OR WE CAN JUST LIVE HERE deuce: WHO WILL FEED US pants: GOD WILL FIND A WAY deuce: WELL HE CERTAINLY DOESN'T WANT US TO SUCK EACH OTHER'S DICKS pants: THE BIBLE IS PRETTY CLEAR ABOUT THAT

pants: CAN YOU TELL THIS IS ME JACKING OFF (SERIES OF POLAROIDS ON COFFEE TABLE) deuce: T PANTS THEY'RE PHOTOS OF FLOWERS pants: H-HOLD ON

spigot: POLICE CHALLENGE PENTAGON INVESTIGAION AND SHOOT GAYS spigot: AJGF9402JGEIDA;JLG49E0WIRKDIVAO <-- MY PGP deuce: I THINK YOUR PGP KEY HAS BEEN COMPROMISED (CLEARLY IT'S GAY)

deuce: MY DICK IS GLUTEN FREE pants: MINE'S MADE OF GOLD

spigot: THE WEBSITE AHEAD CONTAINS MALWARE! spigot: PRETTY SURE IT'S A HANDJOB VIDEO

ozone: I WENT TO FRY'S TODAY deuce: DID THE CHILDREN POINT AND SCREAM ozone: NO BUT YOU SUCKED MY DICK deuce: PRETTY SURE I DON'T REMEMBER THAT ozone: AT LEAST I HOPE IT WAS YOU deuce: OH WAIT THAT WAS YOU ???

spigot: PRICK BREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HURF LURF BLUH GLUH MY FACE HOOF HOIF GAY spigot: BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: ARF spigot: PRICKSERVER 5000

: On the left, deuce. On the right, spigot AKA Spigot the Bear aka [REDACTED]. Do not approach [REDACTED] Consider [REDACTED] and [REDACTED]. spigot: PRICKFEST spigot: WHO WANTS A MAP TO MY FACE deuce: ON MY WAY

spigot: PRICKS AHOY spigot: CAN I, AS A RETAILER, SPAWN A RARE POKEMON RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY STORE AND THEN DETONATE A BUNCH OF TNT spigot: I SUCK DICK AND NO THIS IS NOT A MULTI-LEVEL MARKETING SCAM deuce: {{{ DIARRHEA }}}

deuce: HOW ABOUT YOU AND ME LICKY PRICKY pants: HOW ABOUT YOU TAKE ME CHINAMAN STYLE (OPIUM, PEEING IN MY COKE, RICE, RAILROADS, LAUNDRY) deuce: I HAVE NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS "CHINAMAN STYLE" !!!! WE WILL START AT 2:30 pants: EXCELLENT deuce: PENCIL ME IN FOR -- deuce: HEY WAIT A MINUTE IS THIS GOING TO END UP ON JERKCITY pants: FIRST I TAKE IT UP THE ASS, THEN YOU CRAM IT HARD pants: AND WE SELL THE VIDEO FOR $79.99 deuce: RIGHT (IN SOME ORDER) deuce: WITH WALNUTS pants: UNCANNY, THAT

deuce: GHALGUHALG deuce: I AM COUNTING IN PRIME NUMBERS deuce: .. deuce: ... deuce: ..... deuce: ....... deuce: ...... COCKS

net: T DEUCE I AM ONLY GOING TO ASK YOU THIS ONCE SO THINK CAREFULLY deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMMM net: WHO IS THE PRINCE OF YOUR BALLS deuce: I DON'T KNOW BUT YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN OF MY HEART !!!!!!!! net: GOOD ENOUGH

spigot: I CAN OPEN A CAN OF PRINGLES USING JUST MY TEETH AND BOTH HANDS AND A CAN OPENER

spigot: FORGETTING ABOUT THE PRINT DIALOG AND TAKING A LONG LUNCH spigot: TAKING A LONG SHIT WITH CONTINUED DISREGARD FOR THE PRINT DIALOG deuce: THIS CONCLUDES TODAY'S PRINT DIALOG THEATRE spigot: GOING HOME FOR THE WEEKEND (PRINT DIALOG)

deuce: MOTHER COCK DICKS atandt: CUT atandt: PRINT THAT

spigot: KERVORKIAN EYEBALLS COFFEE CAKE deuce: DO THEY HAVE THOSE IN PRISON deuce: I MEAN ASIDE FROM THE STIFF UNWANTED ANAL RAPE atandt: DID SOMEONE SAY PRISON RAPE spigot: HURMPH spigot: BONK spigot: HURMPH spigot: NOW THAT'S A LETHAL INJECTION!!!!!! AM I RIGHT?!?!?! spigot: LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR DOCTOR KERPUNKIAN WHICH IS YOUR NEW NAME AS OF (LOOKING AT DONG) RIGHT NOW

deuce: I'M GOING TO HAVE A PRIVATE RED DWARF SHOWING AT MY HOUSE TOMORROW NIGHT AND YOU'RE ALL INVITED net: I'LL BRING THE DALEKS

net: I'VE GOT GAY WHO WANTS SOME deuce: T NET CAN YOU SPARE IT ?!?!?! net: I'VE GOT A WHOLE LOT MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM (net): THIS IS FROM MY PRIVATE STASH

deuce: IS THAT THE BLIND ONE bung: NO deuce: SO SHE'S BLIND EH bung: NO! deuce: HOW DID SHE LOSE HER EYESIGHT bung: NO!!

deuce: OKAY I GOT JIZZ ON MY HAND

deuce: FOLKS deuce: WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE : DEUCE POINTS TO THE PUDDLE OF LIQUID UNDERNEATH HIM

pants: I'M PROBLEMATIC deuce: TOTES pants: ALEPPO IS A DOG FOOD RIGHT

pants: LET'S BAKE A CAKE OR TAKE A SHOWER atandt: MAN OVERBOARD pants: FUCKED / HAVEN'T FUCKED YET / ALL FUCKED OUT pants: AND TRACK URINE AROUND atandt: DOWN IN FRONT pants: T DEUCE I WAS PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES pants: FOR TWO TERMS atandt: SELECTING PEDOBEAR FROM THE START MENU pants: I AM INVINCIBLE : PANTS HAS BEEN SENDING MESSAGES TO YOU TOO RAPIDLY, AND IS NOW BEING IGNORED.

atandt: BUG: PLEASE MAKE THE USER INTERFACE LESS RACIST pants: THE CHINAMAN ICON WILL BE SAD

spigot: PROFOUNDLY spigot: MENTALLY spigot: RETARDED

deuce: "PROGNOSIS: GAY" WEDNESDAYS AT 6 ON CBS spigot: WHY PROGNOSIS: GAY IS THE BEST SHOW YOU'RE NOT WATCHING spigot: PROGNOSIS: GAY GETS IT spigot: CHEERS TO PROGNOSIS: GAY spigot: CBS DOMINATES THURSDAY NIGHTS WITH PROGNOSIS: GAY spigot: PROGNOSIS GAY: THE MOVIE? spigot: PROGNOSIS: GAY FALLS OUT OF FAVOR spigot: PROGNOSIS: CANCELED? spigot: FANS RALLY SIGNATURES, FLASH MOBS TO RESTORE PROGNOSIS: GAY deuce: PROGNOSIS: GAY FANFIC deuce: PROGNOSIS: GAY UNOFFICAL [SIC] FAN SITE

deuce: NO RESULTS FOUND FOR "PROGRAMMING YOUR FROG". deuce: WHICH IN AND OF ITSELF IS WEIRD

deuce: MORNING WHACKOFF COMPLETE

pants: DICKS pants: THEN MORE DICKS pants: THEY DON'T / DO NOT STOP

spigot: I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO UPSTAIRS AND POUR THE DIRTY SHAMPOO WATER INTO THE SINK AND WRAP THE CORD AROUND THE THING AND PUT IT BACK IN THE CLOSET spigot: SOMEONE COME OVER spigot: THE DOOR'S UNLOCKED, YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE TO TALK TO ME, JUST DO THE THING AND PUT IT AWAY AND TEXT ME WHEN IT'S DONE

pants: PLEASE HELP ME PICK OUT A GOWN FOR THE COCKSUCKERS BALL

deuce: ALL THE DICKS YOU CAN STAND pants: BLURF deuce: OKAY MORE THAN YOU CAN STAND deuce: BUT THAT'S THE WAY IT GOES pants: FLURP BLURP

spigot: THE FUCK IS A PRONOUN

deuce: MY PRONOUNS ARE (CAR HORN) AND (PURE 440 HZ SINE WAVE)

: o see the stars that shine above : sit with me and we'll hold hands : behold the glory that is nature : gonna fuck me a bullfrog : one of the big ones with goofy eyes : Jerkcity Big Book of Poetry : (2009 Ed.) pants: I CAN FINALLY CONCENTRATE ON PERSONAL MATTERS deuce: GOD BLESS JESUS : PANTS BEATS OFF deuce: WHO GAVE US THE ABILITY TO REACH OUR OWN DICKS

deuce: IF WE TOUCH DICKS WILL THERE BE AN ARC pants: ZZZZZZZZZZZZT deuce: PROOF POSITIVE

spigot: PROSPERO'S BALLS deuce: JUMPIN' JEHOSEPHAT spigot: GET OUT

pants: THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE atandt: WHAT NOW pants: I STRANGLED ANOTHER PROSTITUTE atandt: I AM NOT HEARING THIS pants: HALF OF HER IS IN THE TRUNK atandt: DID ANYONE SEE YOU pants: I THINK THE OTHER HALF ESCAPED pants: ANYWAY THE OIL DRUMS BEHIND THE HOUSE ARE ALL CRAMMED FULL pants: WILL YOU HELP ME PUT THE PROSTITUTE BACK TOGETHER pants: LET'S ATTACH HER TO THE MIGRANT WORKER WE BURIED atandt: 911 pants: HANG THAT PHONE UP AND I'LL LET YOU POKE HER CUNT WITH A PENCIL atandt: OKAY

spigot: WHY AREN'T WE PROTESTING THIS SHIT

spigot: I'LL BAKE CUPCAKES WITH FROSTING AND FLAGS TO PROTEST WHY BLACK PEOPLE HAVE TO SUCK DICK AT THE REAR OF THE STALL

pants: HOW ARE WE GOING TO LICK DICK ANONYMOUSLY NOW pants: HOW I ASK YOU pants: WE WANT THE STALL DOORS BACK !!!!!

pants: WE WANT THE DOORS TO REACH THE GROUND !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WE WANT THE DOORS TO HAVE LOCKS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: ALSO I NEED MY CALLS AND FAXES FORWARDED THERE

pants: REMOVE THE CAMERAS AND THE MOTION DETECTORS deuce: ALSO THE ANAL FISTING PROBE deuce: WHICH SEEMS HARDLY USEFUL BUT ANYWAY pants: YEAH THE ANAL FISTING PROBE pants: BRING IT BACK

pants: DICKS deuce: DICKS pants: DICKS deuce: COCKS [PROTOCOL VIOLATION]