net: T PANTS WHO WILL BE LUCKY PIERRE pants: T NET I TEND TO ARRIVE BLINDFOLDED WHEN I ATTEND THESE EVENTS pants: T NET I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT THERE WILL BE CORN AND DOG RACING pants: OKAY COCKFIGHTING pants: SLAPFIGHTING LIKE GIRLS

net: I WRAPPED MY MOM'S PRESENT (COOKBOOK) AND YOUR PRESENT (BUTTPLUG) EXACTLY THE SAME AND NOW I CAN'T TELL THEM APART !!!!!! ZANY HIJINKS ENSUE deuce: SOME SERIOUS EXPLAINING TO BE MADE TO THE DEUCE (YOUR MOTHER'S CONFUSION WILL PALE IN COMPARISON)

pants: RUNNING FROM MY MOUTH IS ALWAYS FOOLISH pants: WHERE WAS I pants: AH YES

deuce: QUIGLEY DOWN UNDER pants: MY NEW BIG RED TRUCK THAT NEEDS SOME REAR END WORK spigot: I SAY IF IT'S EVEN REMOTELY OR SLIGHTLY BROWN, FLUSH IT DOWN

deuce: T ATANDT CAN I TAKE PICTURES OF YOU WITH MY NEW DIGITAL CAMERA atandt: NO deuce: T ATANDT FUCK YOU atandt: YOU WILL HAVE TO BUY THE MAGAZINE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE

pants: MACANUDOS

pants: T DEUCE WOULD YOU LIKE A TEXT WITH A SELFIE OF ME IN MY NEW HOODIE deuce: I WOULD deuce: NOT!!!!! deuce: ACTUALLY I WOULD pants: WAITING FOR THE OTHER NOT TO DROP

deuce: HOW COME I HAVEN'T EVEN TRIED TO JERK OFF TO MY NEW PORN ?!?!?!? A DILEMMA (ALSO AN ANALEMA)

net: HAS ANYONE SEEN MY NUTS spigot: NOT UP CLOSE

pants: CALLING THE PROSTITUTE BEFORE BREAKFAST BUT AFTER COFFEE pants: AND NO I'M NOT GONNA BRUSH MY TEETH FOR A WHORE pants: FRANKLY, YOU STUPID COCKSUCKERS ARE LUCKY I'M WEARING OLD SPICE

pants: DO I NEED TO BRING MY OWN ASHTRAY dick: TAKING A NUMBER deuce: WHAT (YES) dick: MY MY pants: PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT PUTT HERE COMES MY FACE

dick: I'M GOING TO STAGE MY OWN BREXIT, WHO'S IN pants: WILL THERE BE MATZO

pants: SHOULD I SPURT INTO MY OWN EYE AND COMPLAIN THAT "SOMEONE" SPURTED IN MY EYE deuce: THAT'LL LEARN 'EM pants: ALSO: DOES THAT MAKE ME GAY IF IT HAPPENS OR IF I THINK ABOUT IT deuce: CLASSIFIED

spigot: BARELY BARELY BARELY SQUINTING AT THE SCREEN AND COVERING MY EYES AS I OPEN MY PERFORMANCE REVIEW spigot: GLIMPSED "MEETS EXPECTATIONS" / CLOSED REVIEW FOREVER

deuce: I HAVE A SEVERE CASE OF THE BENDS deuce: MEANING I'LL BEND OVER FOR ANYONE pants: NOW YOU KNOW MY POSITION ON MONOGAMY

deuce: UNDERWEAR IS THE ONLY THING KEEPING POO OUT OF YOUR PANTS pants: SAY AGAIN ???? deuce: NOTHING pants: I HEARD PANTS!!! deuce: NO pants: AND POO AND UNDERWEAR!!! deuce: HOW ARE YOU HEARING MY PRIVATE THOUGHTS pants: WE ARE LIKE THE DREAMER WHO DREAMS AND THEN LIVES INSIDE THE DREAM deuce: THE ANCIENT PHRASE

pants: MY PURPOSE IN THIS WORLD IS TO TRACK URINE AROUND

pants: HOW CAN RAPE BE AGGRAVATED ANYWAY pants: OH pants: PLEASE PRODUCE MY REGGAE ALBUM

deuce: my kerfuffle has turned into an imbroglio deuce: also my relapse has turned into a prolapse pants: jack off heaven

spigot: POINTING AT MY FULLY ENCHANTED ROD

pants: GIVE ME MY SOUL BACK dick: IT'S RATHER STICKY AT THIS POINT HOPE YOU DON'T MIND

deuce: 148.5 MAKING A FALSE POLICE REPORT deuce: 653M OBSCENE PHONE CALLS deuce: 647F INTOXICATION deuce: 246 SHOOTING AT A DWELLING deuce: 12031 CARRYING A LOADED FIREARM

spigot: JERKICTY IS SHAREWARE PEOPLE spigot: LET'S ALL SHOW OUR SUPPORT BY SENDING ME $5.00 spigot: WHO KEEPS PUTTING MY FUCKING SWEATER IN THE TOILET

deuce: MY SWEET JESUS I'M SURROUNDED BY FAGS pants: AND THEN HIS FACE MORPHED INTO A FATTER FACE AND I THREW UP spigot: DO YOU EVEN HAVE MY ICQ NUMBER/CODE

pants: HARD TO EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WITH NUTS IN MY MOUTH

deuce: YOUR JUDGE, JURY AND COCKSUCKER pants: WILL YOU BE MY VALENTINE, MY ALIBI

pants: I AM PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: PERHAPS YOU'VE SEEN MY FACE ON TV pants: OR HEARD MY VOICE ON RADIO

deuce: CAN WE JUST AGREE THAT MY WANG IS NOT A CARPET deuce: DON'T WIPE YOUR DIRTY FEET ON IT deuce: THANKS pants: I'VE GOT TO WIPE THEM SOMEWHERE deuce: I'M SAYING USE AN ACTUAL CARPET, NOT MY WANG (WHICH IS, AGAIN, NOT, I REPEAT NOT, A CARPET) deuce: IT'S NOT A RUG EITHER TO BE CLEAR pants: STILL THOUGH pants: WHY CAN'T WE JUST AGREE THAT IT IS WIPEABLE deuce: I'M NOT ARGUING THAT IT'S NOT WIPEABLE deuce: I'M SAYING IT'S NOT INTENDED FOR THAT PURPOSE deuce: AND REQUESTING EMPHATICALLY THAT YOU STOP USING IT FOR THAT PURPOSE deuce: PLEASE RATE, REVIEW AND SUBSCRIBE! TO _MY WANG IS NOT A CARPET, NOR IS IT A RUG FOR THAT MATTER_

spigot: OKAY NOW LET'S SEE WHO THIS "GHOST" REALLY IS spigot: [YANKING THE MASK] spigot: [STILL YANKING] spigot: [MMM URF COME ON NOW] spigot: TAKE OFF YOUR FUCKING MASK YOU DUMB QUEER

spigot: MYSTERIOUS SHINY MONOLITH FOUND IN MY GODDAMN UNDERPANTS

spigot: CALLING THE IT GUY OVER AND ASKING HIM TO BLOCK LIVE JASMIN POPUPS pants: MYSTERY CLONKINGS AND BONKINGS COMING FROM MY SPEAKERS, VOWING NEVER TO BE FOOLED AGAIN, PROMPTLY BEING FOOLED AGAIN

pants: I'M THAT MYSTERY CORE FILE SITTING AROUND LIKE A PILE OF SHIT NOBODY WILL CLEAN UP

pants: WHERE _N_ IS THE NUMBER OF HARD PLASTIC DICKS IN MY MOUTH

spigot: N ARE FOR NUTS

deuce: @SPIGOT WANNA LICK DICK spigot: @DEUCE N BUT PLEASE RT

spigot: LET'S JUST SAY READING YOUR BLOG HELPS ME NADD OFF TO SLEEP

spigot: SORRY FOR THE SPAM, BUT: spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS spigot: COCKS deuce: I'M POSTING TO NEWS.ADMIN.NET-ABUSE.MISC ABOUT THIS

net: DID SOMEBODY SAY NET deuce: NO dick: NOPE

spigot: T PANTS HOW CAN THEY AFFORD TO JUST GIVE 3D SMILIES AWAY LIKE THAT (IN PACKS EVEN) pants: T SPIGOT NAFTA

spigot: WHY DON'T YOU STAND NAKED IN FRONT OF A MIRROR AND APPLAUD YOURSELF FOR FIFTEEN/TWENTY MINUTES

spigot: HOLY CHRIST JUST DONGS EVERYWHERE AND SO SUDDENLY -- POKING AND WHAPPING ME -- IT'S LIKE I'M RUNNING BACKWARDS NAKED THROUGH A CORNFIELD

pants: OH OH OH CHECK THIS OUT: pants: BAHHHHHHHH (NANNY GOAT) pants: ISN'T THAT COOL

deuce: I JUST CHANGED MY BEDSHEETS!!!! TIME FOR A FUCKING NAP

spigot: if i'm not licking dick i'm napping between dicks

spigot: DO YOU KNOW WHAT NASA STANDS FOR ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? ? spigot: NEED ANOTHER SEVEN PENISES IN MY MOUTH

spigot: I'D LIKE TO SEE NASA/HUBBLE'S PHOTOS OF THE JERKCITY GALAXY pants: DROPPING MY DICK LIKE THE MIC pants: THOMP pants: SQUEEEEE

pants: HISSSSSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSSS SSSSSSSS (NATIONAL ANTHEM) GOOD MORNING CHANNEL 41 VIEWERS

spigot: ALL NPR TALKS ABOUT IS WEIRD WARRING CULTURES THROWING DIRT CLODS AT ONE ANOTHER!!!!!! LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BRITNEY'S HOME PHONE / WHETHER SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND / HER LAUNDRY HAMPER

spigot: I GET NERVOUS SOMETIMES THAT I'M GOING TO CHOKE AND THROW UP IN THE CAB deuce: I UNDERSTAND THAT deuce: IT'S A NATURAL REACTION TO SUCKING DICK spigot: THIS ISN'T THE WAY TO MY HOUSE

deuce: THE BEST PART ABOUT UNIX IS THAT SPELLED BACKWARD IT READS "NAZI"

spigot: TONIGHT'S TOPIC: NAZI GERMANY pants: WAS HITLER RIGHT OR JUST GOOD-LOOKING

pants: HULAGHULAH pants: LUAHLAHULHALAG pants: AHG&LAH pants: SPIT SPIT SPIT HOLD ON OKAY GO pants: HULAGHULAH pants: GLUAHGLU pants: HULAHHULAG pants: NINE DEAD NURSES

spigot: T PANTS I'M SORRY I WAS STANDING ON THE HOSE THAT KEPT JERKCITY UP AND RUNNING spigot: I WILL THEREFORE BE RETURNING YOUR TICKETS TO CATS AND YOUR "AMATEUR LOADS OF FUN VOLUME 4" TAPE spigot: ARCING URINE NEAR AND FAR

: Meanwhile, back in Jerkcity... pants: I NEED TO KNOW IF YOU ARE MINT OR NEAR MINT spigot: I HAVE HOLES POKED IN ME RENDERING ME USELESS TO COLLECTORS

pants: MY BALLS IN A ZOO pants: FEED THEM PEANUTS pants: TURN THE PLASTIC KEY IN THE HOLE, HEAR A STORY ABOUT THEIR NATIVE LAND spigot: THEY'RE NEARLY EXTINCT SO YOU'D BETTER PUSH THEM IN YOUR FACE

spigot: WHENEVER I GLANCE AT MY DONG IT IS NEARLY NOON spigot: MAKE THAT 6:30

pants: I NEED A HUG deuce: I WILL GIVE YOU ONE WITH EXTREME PREJUDICE

atandt: MARRY ME spigot: ALSO PLEASE VISIT JERKCITY (NEED HITS)

pants: need know info deuce: no info available pants: need know tho

deuce: UNABLE TO MAKE PAYROLL DUE TO SVB FAILURE pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: BEEP pants: IS THAT THE GAY ALARM OR THE LOW BATTERY ALARM FOR THE GAY ALARM pants: :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT: NEED KNOW INFO :ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT::ROTATING_LIGHT:

spigot: WHY WOULD I RUN GIMP WHEN I'VE GOT BANNERMANIA RIGHT HERE spigot: T PANTS NEED S/N

deuce: CAN WE LICK OR WHAT deuce: THEN CAN WE START PLEASE pants: I THINK SO YES deuce: I AM NOT TRYING TO BE PUSHY I JUST NEED SOMETHING LICKED, NEED TO LICK

spigot: NEED TO TAKE A SHIT spigot: NOT SURE IF I SHOULD DO IT ON THAT ONE LADY'S DESK spigot: OR THAT OTHER LADY'S FACE spigot: ASKING LADY 1 TO PUT HER FACE ON LADY 2'S DESK spigot: WELL NOW I DON'T HAVE TO SHIT ANYMORE spigot: WAIT HERE GOES spigot: SIGH!!!!! WHERE DID LADY 1 GO spigot: I CAN'T BE TAKING TWO SHITS, ONE OVER HERE AND WAY OVER THERE

spigot: WAKE UP spigot: NEED YOU TO GET A JOB SO YOU CAN KEEP MY FACE FILLED WITH DICK spigot: COULDN'T HELP NOTICING MY NUTS RIGHT THERE IN YOUR FUCKING FACE

pants: i'm a small bash script deuce: I'm invoking you because you have a bangpath and are executable pants: also i'm needlessly brief and i have no error handling deuce: chmod +x pants

atandt: YOU DON'T BRING ME FLOWERS atandt: YOU DON'T SING ME LOVE SONGS spigot: FOREVER IN BLUE JEANS atandt: CRACKLIN' ROSIE spigot: AMERICA atandt: SONG SUNG BLUE spigot: UH spigot: HELLO AGAIN atandt: GIRL, YOU'LL BE A WOMAN SOON spigot: SWEET CAROLINE atandt: KENTUCKY WOMAN spigot: UH spigot: UH CRAP atandt: YOU HAVE FAILED spigot: I KNOW atandt: BE GAY WITH ME

spigot: FOLKS I INVENTED NEITHER THE N-WORD NOR WEIRD AL deuce: I THOUGHT I'D BLAME YOU ANYWAY

deuce: THE NATTERING NABOBS OF THE NERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRDS

atandt: I GET NERVOUS WHEN GERMAN LEADERS QUIETLY GATHER ON THE CHANCELLORY deuce: I LIKED THE NEVERENDING STORY TOO spigot: HAVING NEVER STUDIED HISTORY OR POLITICS I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT OR WHAT A CHANCELLORY IS atandt: I LIKE PIE spigot: NOW WE'RE STARTING TO COMMUNICATE

pants: NETSPLIT ????????? deuce: I SEE YOU pants: HELP I AM OVER HERE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE NET deuce: TIME DILATED, REDSHIFTED pants: HELP HELP I AM TRAPPED OR STUCK OR SOMETHING AND ALL I CAN DO IS MOVE MY MOUTH/LIPS deuce: STOP WAVING YOUR ARMS

spigot: OH MY GOD MY HEAD IN THE FISHTANK IN FRONT OF MILLIONS OF NETCENTER VISITORS

deuce: NO CARL GUSTAV AGAINST INFANTRY

deuce: MY DONG deuce: A NETFLIX ORIGINAL

uncredited woman: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT'S LIKE NETFLIX BUT FOR DICKS uncredited woman: WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT I WANT TO RENT DICKS ON THE INTERNET WITH NO LATE FEES uncredited woman: AS I RETURN EACH USED DICK THE NEXT IS AUTOMATICALLY SELECTED FROM THE DICK QUEUE uncredited woman: OVER TIME THE SERVICE WILL LEARN MY DICK PREFERENCES AND WITH THE HELP OF ITS ADVANCED DICK ALGORITHM IT WILL SELECT NEW DICKS I MIGHT LIKE uncredited woman: WITTY 1980S MYSTERY DICKS uncredited woman: HISTORICAL DICKS FEATURING A STRONG MALE LEAD uncredited woman: DARK FIGHT-THE-SYSTEM SCI FI DICKS uncredited woman: GRITTY DRAMATIC DICKS uncredited woman: PERHAPS SOME SORT OF DICK RENTAL KIOSK COULD ALSO BE EMPLOYED uncredited woman: PLEASE ADVISE deuce: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU uncredited woman: SO MANY THINGS

deuce: I WRITE 'NET WITH AN APOSTROPHE spigot: I CALL THEM CYBERTOONZ pants: I HAVE THE RUNS

spigot: IF YOU COULD PLEASE JUST spigot: HURF spigot: FORCIBLY JERKED

spigot: SHOULD I ACTUALLY GO TO WORK TODAY OR GO EAT CREPES UNTIL 5PM spigot: IF WE'RE ALL REAL QUIET WE CAN HEAR PANTS THROWING UP spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: HURRBLUBLUBLUBLUBLUB HORK HURLUP spigot: NEVER AGAIN spigot: HURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLURBLUR COCKS HONK

spigot: WELPS I'M LOGGIN OUT AND NEVER COMING BACK BECAUSE I JUST GOT MAIL SAYING SOMEONE HAS AN E-CRUSH ON ME!!!!! spigot: LATER ***LOSERS***

pants: OKAY BUT I’M NEW AT THIS AND I’VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE pants: LET’S USE STALL #2 pants: IT’S SOMEWHAT CLEANER AND THERE’S NO SPIDERS

pants: IS THIS GOING INTO THE STRIP (LET ME FIX MY HAIR) deuce: TO PROVE MY HOW STRAIGHT I AM I FUCK MEN IN THE ASS (AND FACE) pants: AND LICK THESE FOUR DICKS pants: I MEAN S-SEVEN !!! deuce: SPENT pants: I CANNOT COUNT THAT HIGH AND HAVE ROLLED OVER pants: THEREFORE I OWE YOU A NICKEL deuce: TO -30537573 pants: NO JUST 000000 deuce: SIX DIGITS AND YET HE CAN ONLY COUNT TO SEVEN

atandt: HE SAID HE WAS A PENGUIN THEN ATTACKED MY DICK AND BALLS COMBO WITH PECKING AND SQUAWKING hanford: PANTS SAID (AND I'M QUOTING HERE) "I CAN'T BEAT OFF UNLESS HER MASCARA IS RUNNING" atandt: NEVER GET OUT OF THE BOAT hanford: NEVER APPROACH THE NEST atandt: MAKING LOVE TO A MUPPET hanford: GO WEST YOUNG MEN (ALL AT ONCE LIKE A PILE OF HAMSTERS)

pants: IT'S COLD AT THE WINDY BUS STOP pants: CLAMPING DOWN, NEVER LETTING GO pants: EVERYBODY INTO THE FISTING SLING

pants: NO COME BACK pants: I'M SORRY pants: I SWEAR I'LL NEVER MAKE FUN OF YOUR INFERIOR DICKSUCKING ABILITIES AGAIN

pants: SO IF I'M FUCKING A FISH AND pants: NEVERMIND, JUST ANSWERED MY OWN QUESTION

deuce: WHOA HEY CHECK OUT MY DICK (POINTS) deuce: HEY HEY DICK HERE (STILL POINTING) deuce: SOMEONE TAKE A PICTURE (POINT POINT POINT) deuce: NEVER MIND deuce: IT'S JUST MY NIPPLE

pants: i can see Vera Farmiga as lydia but i am not sure about Jon Bernthal as johnny-boy pants: it's easier to talk like woody harrelson in true detective if you never move your lower jaw when speaking pants: welp i'm all done causing a ruckus for the day, back to my tent under the overpass

rands: UNCONSCIOUS GIRLS NEVER SAY NO !!!! pants: YOU'RE A LONG WAY FROM YOUR BLOG AREN'T YOU

pants: WHY DID TODAY'S BONEQUEST GET TAGGED WITH #LOU-REED pants: NEVERMIND I DON'T CARE pants: STAMPS OUT CIGAR pants: DEPRESSED J. JONAH JAMESON DOESN'T REALLY GIVE A SHIT IF YOU GET PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN OR NOT, NOTHING MATTERS

deuce: TIME TO TEST MY NEW BOOTDISKS PEOPLE spigot: GET BACK HERE AND WATCH MTV WITH ME spigot: AEON COCKS

spigot: GUESS WHAT I AM: HONK CLONK SLURP BONK DUH spigot: HINT: THE UN-COLA spigot: ANSWER: A HARDON spigot: A HARDON

deuce: NEW FOR YOU AT AMAZON.COM: NANCY DREW deuce: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU KEEP SENDING ME THIS FOR

pants: sitting in the dark, daring you to beat me off deuce: you need some new gags pants: no i don't think i do

spigot: TAKE A QUICK PIC OF ME IN FRONT OF THIS WALL PAINTED EXACTLY THE COLOR OF A CORN DOG

spigot: HUG LUG CHUBBY MEN HURF spigot: NOT THAT THERE'S ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT

deuce: MY NEW PORN NAMEIS CYTOKINE STORM

deuce: LOOK: NO DICKSUCKING FOR 24 HOURS deuce: NEW RULE deuce: OKAY SUSPENDING NEW RULE (SUCK THIS)

deuce: LOOK, NEW RULE deuce: NO DICKSUCKING FOR 24 HOURS deuce: OKAY SUSPENDING NEW RULE (SUCK THIS)

spigot: "THE ANTICS AREN'T NEARLY AS CUTE AS THE FILM THINKS THEY ARE" spigot: EBERT DID NOT LIKE SCHINDLER'S LIST pants: NEW RULE: LESBIANS AREN'T CONSIDERED GAY effigy: YA, GAY TAKES WORK. pants: GAY MEANS KNOBBY DICKS AND SMOOTH ASIAN BOYS effigy: NODS WISELY