spigot: TOUNGING WNAGS pants: HUG-AH-LUG-AH

atandt: [B atandt: [A atandt: [A spigot: GET YOUR FACE OFF THE KEYBOARD

: IN [redacted] WE TRUST : e pluribus [redacted] spigot: SPLORK SPLOP YOUR FACE spigot: SPLUT PTHH YOUR FACE

spigot: BONER (NOUN): WHAT POKES INTO YOUR FACE AND HEAD spigot: THAT REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I SMOOSHED MY OWN POO ALL OVER A PROSTITUTE deuce: AM I THAT PROSTITUTE

pants: I LOVE YOU deuce: IN YOUR OWN WAY

spigot: SPIGOT APPEARS IN A POOFY CLOUD OF GAY FATNESS spigot: PUT YOUR FACE IN MY LAP WHILE I EAT MY POTATOES

: mmm yeah oooh boy duh your face will catch my spurt net: I COULD STILL MAKE IT TO THE STORE TO LEGALLY BUY ALCHOHOL deuce: Y deuce: OR YOU COULD COME OVER HERE AND BOTH STROKE AND SUCK ME (AS PER OUR CONTRACT)

deuce: I DON'T THINK THAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TAKING ME SERIOUSLY (GHLAGHLAGHLGA) pants: (HAUGHAULGAHLGAG) WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT HULAGHAULGHALG

pants: HAVE I TOLD YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOUR FATNESS LATELY deuce: YOU CAN'T BE REFERRING TO ME !!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN (SQUINTING, TRYING TO MAKE YOU OUT) deuce: I DON'T KNOW EITHER deuce: JUST CARRY ON LIKE I'M NOT HERE GLHGULHGULHGULHGULHG pants: THAT WILL BE DIFFICULT DUE TO THE HUAHGUAHGUAG

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: TAP TAP TAP TAP TAP spigot: BAM BAM BAM BAM WAKE UP IN STALL 2 spigot: I'M YOUR FRIEND IN THE DIAMOND BUSINESS spigot: OKAY SLIPPING MY BUSINESS CARD UNDER THE DOOR SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW ME spigot: PLEASE LET GO OF MY PANT LEG spigot: HOLY spigot: *BONK*

pants: SPIGOT THE BEAR / ROAMS EVERYWHERE / HE'S YOUR FRIEND / MY FRIEND / SPIGOT THE BEAR spigot: THAT'S ME!!!!!!! :: POKES HEAD THROUGH CARTOON CIRCLE, WINKS, GIVES THUMBS-UP

spigot: WILL MY SPRITELY ATTITUDE COUNT FOR SOMETHING?????????? deuce: WHERE'S MY COFFEE LIKE I ASKED YOU TEN MINUTES AGO deuce: DO YOUR FUCKING JOB OR WHAM !!!!!! spigot: BLOGS

dick: NOT A ONE OF YOU HAS EVEN ASKED ME A BOUT MY NEW KLEAN KANTEEN spigot: HOW DID YOU SETTLE ON THE KLEAN KANTEEN AND NOT JUST ANY OL' RANDOM TIN CAN FROM THE BASKET AT SALVATION ARMY (LOOK DOWN AT YOUR FEET UNDER THE VCRS) spigot: ANSWER ME YOU FUCKING GOON spigot: T DICK HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS CAN I EXPRESS INTEREST IN YOUR FUCKING PISS JUG

deuce: GO GET YOUR FUCKIN' SHINEBOX pants: OK BRB

pants: YOUR 2023 GOOGLE TIMELINE HIGHLIGHTS: CITIES VISITED pants: WALGREENS

deuce: YOU ARE GO FOR POO deuce: DO NOT ENGAGE HOSTILES, THE POO IS YOUR HIGHEST PRIORITY deuce: ALL OTHER PRIORITIES RESCINDED.

pants: BIIIIIIIG BONGHIT THEN EXHALE pants: WAIT PATIENTLY pants: SEE GOD pants: GREET HIM, ASK HIM ABOUT THE PLATYPUS pants: WRITE ANSWER DOWN THIS TIME

deuce: SHOW ME YOUR INVENTION : PANTS WETS HIMSELF deuce: REFUND : PANTS WETS YOU deuce: MOP

spigot: FOLKS YOUR LICKING DICK NAME IS YOUR FIRST NAME PLUS YOUR LAST NAME

atandt: I ASKED FOR A BLOWJOB NOT YOUR LIFE STORY deuce: BUT I WAS TRYING TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION WITH AN ANECDOTE

deuce: I HAVE REVIEWED YOUR LIFE'S WORK AND FOUND IT [ ] SATISFACTORY [ ] WANTING [ ] UNACCEPTABLE

pants: YOUR MOTHER SHOULD KNOW (DOOT DOOT) pants: HOW TO EAT SHIT: AN ESSAY pants: CHAPTER ONE: SHIT EATING pants: HAULGHA LHF08YF CHOMP HORBFHLF BALGBAG deuce: I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S 326 PAGES OF THAT pants: AND $49.95 pants: EVEN AT SUPER CROWN !!! deuce: WELL IT **IS** THE DEFINITIVE REFERENCE

pants: T DEUCE IF YOUR MOUTH WAS A CUNT I’D FUCK IT pants: HEY YOU KNOW WHAT deuce: I WOULD LIKE TO GO HOME NOW

dick: WE PISSED ALL OVER YOUR NEW JERKCITY TODAY dick: HA HA dick: HA HA dick: HA dick: SMELLS LIKE PISS NOW

pants: HAHA deuce: HAHA pants: SO BY MY CALCULATIONS THAT'S HAHAHAHA deuce: HA'S DON'T FOLLOW YOUR PATHETIC HUMAN LAWS OF ADDITION

pants: EARLIER TODAY I EXPERIENCED A TIGHTNESS IN MY CHEST THAT BECAME A PAIN AND THEN I TOOK A HUGE DUMP AND FELT BETTER pants: IS THIS FOR A CLASS OR JUST BEING GAY WITH PISS pants: DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN

atandt: I THINK WE SHOULD ALL CRADLE MY BALLS CAREFULLY atandt: ARE YOU PEOPLE LISTENING atandt: ARE YOU THE POPE atandt: I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY atandt: YOUR POPENESS

spigot: YOU LIKE YOUR PORN MORE THAN YOU LIKE ME

deuce: YOU ARE FODDER FOR THE BEATING deuce: THAT IS WHY GOD MADE YOU deuce: THAT IS YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE deuce: TO BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF PUNCHES AND KICKS

spigot: A SPECIAL HOLIDAY FART VIDEO FOR MY FANS spigot: NO BUT WE'LL KEEP YOUR RESUME ON FILE

spigot: BEFORE I LICK YOUR DICK I JUST NEED TO GO AHEAD AND READ YOU YOUR RIGHTS deuce: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT deuce: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO HAVE YOUR DICK LICKED AND NO MORE RIGHTS spigot: IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD A PENIS ONE WILL BE PROVIDED TO YOU effigy: FREE OF CHARGE

spigot: FROM: THE WALT DISNEY COMPANY spigot: TO: JERKCITY spigot: THANK YOU FOR YOUR SCREENPLAY AND MERCHANDISING SUBMISSION spigot: AT THIS TIME WE ARE UNABLE TO MOVE FORWARD WITH "DONALD DEUCE"

deuce: :NOTES: JERK IT REAL GOOD pants: I WILL NOT deuce: THEN YOUR SERVICES ARE NO LONGER NEEDED (YOUR JERKING SERVICES)

pants: YOU ARE LIKE A WASHING MACHINE IN THAT I WILL OPEN YOUR LID AND RE-ARRANGE YOUR SOGGY TOWELS TO ASSURE A BALANCED LOAD deuce: MY COUNTRY 'TIS OF THEE pants: BUT FIRST... pants: LET'S SEE WHAT'S UNDER THIS KILT OF YOURS, LAD deuce: PAIN AND BLINDNESS

pants: MY SOUL IS BEAUTIFUL deuce: YOUR SOUL IS COVERED IN THE ASH OF PAST CIVILIZATIONS deuce: KIND OF AWESOME BUT I WOULDN'T CALL IT BEAUTIFUL

pants: HOW ABOUT JUST CLIMB A LADDER, PISS IN MY FACE AND THEN COME DOWN FROM THERE BEFORE YOU BREAK YOUR STUPID NECK deuce: THAT'S A BIG CAN-DO deuce: SNAP GLK deuce: GLLLK

deuce: > TOUCH WIENER pants: ***QUEST COMPLETE *** pants: *** YOU HAVE DIED *** pants: *** BANNED *** pants: SHOW ME YOUR TOEBEANS pants: YOUR PISSPOTS pants: YOUR HUDDLED MASSES YEARNING TO DRINK PEPSI hanford: GET OUT OF HERE hanford: GO ON, GET pants: NEVER

deuce: HANDS UP WHO'S A SPICE GIRL spigot: I CAN FEEL MY MOUTH GETTING SORE ALREADY

spigot: YOUR VIDEO WILL BEGIN AFTER THIS ADVERTISEMENT spigot: 1:59 spigot: 1:58 spigot: OH COME ON spigot: 1:57 spigot: 1:56 spigot: JESUS H. CHRIST FUCKING HURRY UP spigot: 1:55

pants: HI EVERYBODY I'M PANTS FROM JERKCITY pants: I'LL BE YOUR WAITER THIS EVENING pants: OUR SPECIALS ARE THE VARIED LUMPS ON MY DICK EACH ONE WEIRDER THAN THE LAST

: "Are you my supper?" asked the first one. The second one considered his answer carefully then said: "Yes, and I come with dipping sauce." spigot: I WISH YOU WERE NEVER BORN deuce: YOUR WORDS HURT ME spigot: WHICH WOULD BE BETTER FOR DELIVERING MY NUTS TO YOUR FACE - LDAP OR PPP deuce: I'D APPRECIATE A UDP DATAGRAM OF DICK

atandt: DEAR SIR, deuce: SHUT YOUR FUCKING FACE atandt: YOUR WORDS HURT ME deuce: UP THE NUTS

pants: PISS-TESTING pants: SIP pants: YUP THAT'S PISS deuce: SOME MAY CALL IT URINE

atandt: WHEN DID YOU GET BACK pants: I GOT TO RIDE ON A HELICARRIER atandt: WE WERE GOING TO GO ON HIATUS deuce: GHULAHULAHLAG pants: LADYBUGS!!!!!!! GET A BROOM

spigot: AHLGHAULGHALG deuce: GHALGHULAHLAHGLAG spigot: /QUIT spigot: /EXIT spigot: /LEAVE spigot: /DONE spigot: /END spigot: /BYE deuce: /SEXUAL spigot: /NO spigot: /STOP spigot: /RETURN

deuce: T PANTS I HAD A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE DREAM!!! pants: T DEUCE DID YOU EAT MY BRAINS deuce: IT WAS MY DREAM SO I WASN'T WASN'T ONE OF THE ZOMBIES YOU IDIOT deuce: BUT YES I ATE YOUR BRAINS JUST TO BE SAFE

deuce: IF WISHES WERE HORSES, I'D HAVE ZERO HORSES

deuce: T PANTS HOW MANY HOOKERS WILL BE AT YOUR PARTY deuce: T PANTS BESIDES YOU pants: T DEUCE ZERO NOT INCLUDING ME deuce: > <CHR>

pants: ZERO-FACTOR AUTHENTICATION IS WHERE I SNEAK INTO YOUR HOUSE AND BEAT OFF INTO YOUR PANTIES deuce: SNIFF THEM FIRST pants: THAT WOULD BE GROSS!!!!!!!!!

pants: ZIG-ZAG pants: SLOW BURNING pants: MADE IN FRANCE

pants: A KICKSTARTER TO MAKE THE JERKCITYHD ZINE?????? $$$$$$$$$ pants: AN INDIGOGO TO PUT JERKCITYHIFI ON VINYL???????? ?????!?? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$4 (pants): WHY IS THE BACKGROUND BLUE

pants: WHY IS EVERYBODY SO FUCKING FAT AND ALSO HOW DO I GET FATTER pants: THESE QUESTIONS ARE UNRELATED deuce: ZIPTIE MY DICK pants: TO A CAR DOOR??? deuce: I MEAN, UP TO YOU deuce: SURPRISE ME deuce: HUM A FEW BARS

pants: DO YOU STILL FEEL LIKE STORMING THE CAPITOL LATER deuce: SURE pants: YOU BRING ZIP TIES AND I'LL BRING A VEGETABLE PLATE pants: WAIT NO I FEEL LIKE BRINGING A CASSEROLE

spigot: ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING DROPPING THE WHIPPED CREAM CONTAINER AND ZOING ZOING ZOING ZOING STUMBLING OVER TO THE COUNTER TO HELP A CUSTOMER

pants: SOME KIND OF ZOMBIE THAT RUNS UP TO YOU, SUCKS YOU OFF AND RUNS INTO THE WOODS (REALLY, REALLY QUICKLY) deuce: DOES HIS SUCKING OFF MAKE YOU A ZOMBIE TOO pants: I DON'T THINK SO... NOPE deuce: GHGLUAUHAGLHAULHLUAG pants: GROSS!!!! !!!!!!!!! OH WELL HANGING OUT BY THE WOODS ANYWAY deuce: GLHAULHUAG

pants: ARE WE ALL HERE spigot: SHOULD WE GET STARTED deuce: AM I ON spigot: HOW'S MY SOU deuce: CAN YOU SEE ME OKAY pants: SHOULD WE WAITA FEW MINS spigot: TEST TEST HOW MY SOU pants: AM I FROZENI THINK YOU'RE FROZEN deuce: MY LAPTOP IS VERY VERY VERY VERYVERY VERY VERY VERYVERY VERY HOT spigot: OWS M SOU pants: VIRUSES ARE FAKEAND MASKS ARE GAY

pants: IS THERE NO NOT-GAY WAY TO WASH THESE ZUCCHINI pants: MAYBE LENGTH-WISE???? NOPE spigot: PUT THEM ON THE LAWN AND USE THE GARDEN HOSE FROM FAR AWAY pants: DISHWASHER pants: SITTING ON THEM UP AND DOWN????? NOPE spigot: STUFFING THEM IN MY MOUTH WHILE WEARING THE AIDS QUILT LEADING A PRIDE PARADE????? NOPE spigot: PUT ON A DRESS AND DO A CAM SHOW FOR 100 TOKENS????? NOPE deuce: ARE YOU EVEN IN POSSESSION OF THE ZUCCHINI ANYMORE pants: WE ATE IT LIKE CORN

effigy: WHY ISN'T THE WHOLE WORLD JUST ON ZULU TIME? deuce: BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE IRRITATING AS SHIT