pants: T DEUCE WE NEED ANOTHER BIG FLOOD OR SOMETHING pants: NO BEATING OFF IN THE LIBRARY deuce: BUT THERE'S _SOME_ SEX IN THE CHAMPAGNE ROOM

pants: CAN I BE PRESIDENT SOME DAY spigot: I THINK YOU'RE NEXT UNLESS THIS IS THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM

pants: TRY AS I MIGHT I CANNOT WILL THE BONG TO LEVITATE INTO THE LIVING ROOM spigot: I'LL TRY FROM HERE pants: GODDAMNIT IT FELL HALFWAY DOWN THE HALLWAY AND GOT THE CARPET ALL BONGWATERED spigot: I NEVER LEARNED TO READ spigot: B IS FOR BONG WILL CONTINUE ON FOX KIDS

spigot: I DROPPED MY PHONE IN THE LOBSTER TANK AT SAFEWAY

pants: T DEUCE WHEN THE LARGE ALIEN THREW CAPTAIN KIRK ONTO THE BED I GOT THE HARDEST BONER I’VE EVER GOTTEN AM I GAY deuce: SHORT VERSION, YES deuce: LONG VERSION, YYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

deuce: HOW COULD YOU LEAVE ME ALONE FOR TEN SECONDS deuce: I ALMOST GOT TIRED AND GOT BORED AND WENT TO BED deuce: THAT IS YOUR FAULT

spigot: MEL TORME IS SINGING ABOUT HOW WE SHOULD BE MORE THAN FRIENDS??????? deuce: GO FOR IT I SAY pants: I AM GOING TO SAVE MY VOTE FOR COFFEE, CAKE SNACKS, ZINGERS spigot: THE LOOK / OF DICK spigot: LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH BROWSERS AND NEARLY EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD TO DO WITH TROUSERS

atandt: AAAAAAAA FSAOIUF AIFG AFS )AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AF AOIFYU(O A AAAAAAA pants: IN SOME KIND OF ENDLESS LOOP GOING *PONK* GAY *PONK* GAY *PONK* GAY atandt: GGGGGGGGGSLHK ISOUG HSGD GGGGGGGGGGSGOPIUYGPY O*G GGGGGGGGGG SGPOU IYOSGYSOG pants: JACKING OFF TO WHATEVER THAT THING IS UNDER MATT DRUDGE'S HAT atandt: AGOGGA AG IU%^FAF FAF AF OAF^% AOF AF APFGAPFP FAAFAF FA P(F& PAFYU PAF AF PGFA&*(FP AUFP (AHFP AF AFP A(&FA)( &FA() &YFA F AFPOI& ^A)(F^& )AFY HAF AF pants: NOT GAY

spigot: CLASPING MY HANDS TOGETHER AND ASSIGNING YOU ALL STRETCH GOALS TO GET YOU OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONES spigot: HELLO I'M A NINE YEAR OLD WITH A TRUE CRIME PODCAST READING AN AD FOR DEBT CONSOLIDATION SERVICES spigot: GOODBYE STUPID :TOILET: THE LOUDEST FLUSH IN THE WORLD

deuce: (THROWN) OH THANK GOD I'M THE LUCKIEST MAN ALI (CRUSHED)

pants: I AM TOO FAT TO SIT ON THE HORSEY, THE ROCKET SHIP pants: THE MACHINERY GROANS AND STALLS spigot: HASN'T THAT DONALD DUCK SPRING BROKEN YET

deuce: YOU SAID THE MAGIC WORD dick: DO I WIN THE SPECIAL COCK?

ozone: BUH pants: BEING GAY IN ONE PIECE pants: OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS ozone: RE: DICK pants: BETWEEN YOUR STARS AND MY GARTERS WE'RE GOING TO MAKE IT ROUGH ozone: IS THIS THE MAIN MENU pants: CLANK CLANK pants: SUDDENLY: DICKS

pants: ARE YOU SURE pants: YOU WANT TO pants: RETURN pants: TO THE MAIN MENU pants: BECAUSE IF YOU'RE NOT SURE, I'M NOT SURE!!!!!!!

deuce: WHAT'S AFAF DOING THERE pants: THAT REPRESENTS THE MICROSOFT CHAT CLIENT deuce: IS THAT THE OBSERVING CLIENT WATCHING THE CONVERSATION pants: AND HOW deuce: WANNA LICK DICK pants: MAYHAP

pants: FILL ME WITH DIRT AND KISS ME GOODBYE

deuce: GRILLED MICE ON TOAST pants: I LIKE MICE pants: ALSO: BUNNIES pants: AND GUINEA PIGS pants: AND YOU

deuce: JESUS CHRIST LOVES A GOOD PUNCH TO THE HEAD (FROM TIME TO TIME) pants: HE'S LOOPY LIKE THAT (OUR LORD AND SAVIOR)

PRIVATE JIM: HOLY GOD YOU'RE PUSHING YOUR FAT WANGY DONG ALL THE WAY INTO MY FACE CAPTAIN: FUCKING OPEN YOUR MOUTH PRIVATE JIM: CHRIST MM URF THE NUTS AND BALLS WHO WOULD HAVE GUESSED CAPTAIN: I'M GOING TO BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH THIS SOAP DISH PRIVATE JIM: MORE DANGEROUS IN THE TOILET THAN I EVER IMAGINED CAPTAIN: WHAM WHAM WHAM I'M GOING TO SOAP YOU ALL UP

pants: I WILL NEVER STOP USING THE MASTER BRANCH

deuce: I COULD SERIOUSLY USE AN EXTRA PRICK (THAT WHY I COULD JERK OFF WITH TWO HANDS) spigot: THEN FINALLY A TWO GUY -> ONE GIRL SCENE WOULD FUCKING MAKE SENSE pants: COCKS deuce: BUT THAT WOULD BE FOUR PRICKS ?!?!??! YES ?!?!?!? spigot: YOU ARE WRAPPING A MOBIUS STRIP OF VIDEOTAPE AROUND AND AROUND THE MATH/PORN PART OF MY MIND

spigot: GODDAMNIT LADY I SAID ON THE PHONE I NEEDED SOMEONE TO DRIBBLE AND DROOL LONG STRINGY STRANDS OF SLOBBER ALL OVER MY DICK AND SUBSEQUENTLY HER FACE !!!!!!!!!! INSTEAD YOU ARE COPPING SOME LOSER-BITCH ATTITUDE WHICH FORCES ME TO BAND YOUR HEAD AGAINST THE MARBLE SINK deuce: THE MATING RITUALS OF SPIGOT spigot: NEXT ON DISCOVERY????? OR BIOGRAPHY spigot: YOU'VE MADE US THE LAUGHING STOCK OF THE ENTIRE QUADRANT

deuce: WELL HOLY SHIT deuce: WELCOME TO QUEER TOWN deuce: I'M THE MAYOR

spigot: I'M GOOD AND PLENTY pants: GET OFFA ME spigot: TODAY WE HONOR THE MEN AND WOMEN WHO CLEAN OUR TOILETS

pants: THAT STRAY DOT IS BACK hanford: WHAT THE SHIT pants: SCOOP IT UP WITH A BIG NET hanford: I'LL CALL SECURITY pants: JEAN-CHARLES HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THIS YOU KNOW THE QUEEN IS ALLERGIC TO NUTS hanford: YEAH HI IT'S ME THAT DOT IS BACK

pants: I DON'T SEE WHY YOUR TRANSMISSION NEEDS TO BE ENCRYPTED (SWEATING, MAD) deuce: LOOK AT HIM GO

spigot: :NOTES: :TV: WHO'S GOT TIME / FOR THE MID-DAY SQUIRTS :BASKETBALL: 🗑️ :STAR2: :100: :GLASS_OF_MILK::GLASS_OF_MILK::GLASS_OF_MILK::GLASS_OF_MILK::GLASS_OF_MILK::GLASS_OF_MILK: :DOUGHNUT::DOUGHNUT::DOUGHNUT::DOUGHNUT::DOUGHNUT:

pants: WELP ANYWAY LET'S GO OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS TOGETHER (NO REASON) pants: C'MON GET IN deuce: SURELY NOTHINGBAD WILL HAPPEN deuce: TO EITHER OF US pants: NOT ON SUCH A SPLENDID DAY SUCH AS TODAY

spigot: T DEUCE WILL YOU JOIN ME AT THE MILKING TABLE pants: COME ON MAN I’M RIGHT HERE YOU KNOW I LOVE THE MILKING TABLE HE WON’T BE AWAKE FOR HOURS

deuce: YOU KNOW WHAT'S MOST AMAZING ABOUT CONJOINED TWINS ????????? THAT WE DON'T EXTERMINATE THEM ANYMORE FOR BEING CLEAR GENETIC ABERRATIONS deuce: THE MIRACLES OF MODERN MEDICINE PREVENT US FROM EXECUTING OUR MOST BASIC DRIVES: IT'S DIFFERENT SO I MUST KILL IT deuce: UM I MEAN COCKS

deuce: YEAH BB 50 TOK FOR TITS

spigot: LET'S GO TO THE MOON AND LICK DICK deuce: YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE TO GO TO THE MOON FOR ALL THAT deuce: (I.E., A SPACE IN MY BATHROOM JUST OPENED UP) spigot: THE WHOLE POINT IS THAT WE GET NASA INVOLVED

deuce: HOW COME TONIGHT THE MOON IS ALL FULL WHEN YESTERDAY THE MOON WAS BRUISED AND REDDISH BEATEN LIKE A DATE GONE ALL BAD pants: IT FELL DOWN THE STAIRS deuce: THE MOON WAS PUSHED

pants: BLAST ME OFF deuce: SENDING YOU TO THE MOON, MARS, PAST THE ASTEROID BELT pants: COLD OUT HERE deuce: SHOULDA BROUGHT A JACKET

spigot: PEEKABOO! I LICK DICK spigot: WHO spigot: HUH spigot: DIZZY HERE spigot: I THINK THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS BOY AM I GOING TO SUCK DICK THIS SPRING

spigot: THAT'S RIGHT LADY YOUR FACE IS FULL OF POO spigot: THAT'S WHY THEY'RE CALLED PERSONAL ADS

spigot: I'D RATHER BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH A FILTHY, OBSCENE DOM DELOUISE THAN A FAMILY-ORIENTED BLABBERY DOM DELOUISE spigot: THE MORE YOU KNOW

spigot: I'M THE NIBBLES AWAY SO PLEASE BRUN ME deuce: T SPIGOT THE MORE YOU PUT IT OFF THE MORE THE BITS WILL PILE UP !!!!

spigot: OPENING THE MORNING PAPER EVERY DAY TO SEE IF I'VE BEEN CANCELLED OR #METOO'D deuce: MY NAME IS MATT GAETZ AND I LOVE PENIS MORE THAN YOU LOVE LIFE pants: LOVE 2 VANDALIZE THE ENCYCLOPEDIA

pants: T DEUCE YOU'RE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL GIRL IN HACKNEY Y'KNOW deuce: WOT

.(pants): JERKCITY FOREVER .(pants): AND EVER AND EVER .(pants): AMEN pants: THIS JUST IN: pants: TWITTER.COM/DEUCEATJERKCITY pants: THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ON THE INTERNET pants: EVER

deuce: NOT ONE FUCKING WORD YOU MONKEY atandt: BLEAT

spigot: spider-man and his spider-purse

spigot: I WATCHED DJANGO UNCHAINED TWO TIMES AND NOT ONCE DID I HEAR THE N-WORD pants: WHAT ABOUT IN LES MISRABLES

deuce: DID I MISS ANYTHING FUNNY pants: N

pants: MY BONER IS QUESTIONING THE NATURE OF ITS REALITY deuce: IT IS NOT WRONG

deuce: :SWEAT_DROPS: pants: EEW deuce: SHUT UP AND HOLD STILL pants: WHY WOULD YOU SPRITZ WATER ON ME deuce: TH-TH-THAT'S N-N-NOT pants: I-IT IS THOUGH??? pants: UNLESS I'VE MISUNDERSTOOD THE NATURE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP OVER THE YEARS I CAN ONLY CONCLUDE YOU WERE SPRITZING ME???

spigot: T DEUCE EAU DE TOILETTE deuce: THAT MEANS TOILET GAYS (spigot): LE FACE DU SPURT spigot: IS THIS THE NBC COMEDY BARN?????

spigot: BLINDFOLD ME AND PUT ME ANYWHERE IN TOWN AND I'LL STUMBLE AND BUMBLE MY WAY TO THE NEAREST KNISH CART spigot: HALF THE PEOPLE ON THIS BUS HAVE SNICKERDOODLES spigot: WE NEED MORE AEROSOL FOODS AND WE NEED THEM AIMED AT MY MOUTH spigot: CAN WE GET A ROUND TABLE GOING ON THIS

deuce: I LEAVE THIS ROOM FOR TWENTY SECONDS AND YOU'RE ALL NAKED AND SMEARING EACH OTHER WITH POO spigot: WILL GLADLY PERFORM THE NEEDFUL SCROLLBACK BUT I DO NOT RECALL THAT SCENARIO UNFOLDING

pants: CAPTAINS LOG, pants: STARDATE 1 pants: JUST INVENTED STARDATES

pants: AND THEN THERE WAS SILENCE pants: FOLLOWED BY HLAHGULAUGH LAHLAHGLUAHG pants: AND THAT'S ALL THE NEWS WE HAVE TONIGHT

spigot: I'VE GOT TO COMB MY HAIR AND LEAVE THE STALL LIKE A NORMAL PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOBODY IS STARING AT ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

deuce: LET'S YOU AND ME JERK DONGS NOW spigot: THAT'S THE NICEST THING ANYONE'S EVER SAID TO ME

spigot: I BENT OVER TO PICK UP A NICKEL AND SPONTANEOUSLY DID AN AEROSOL SQUIRT!!!!!!!!!! pants: THIS IS CLEARLY HIS TERRITORY deuce: DID YOU FINALLY GET THE NICKEL spigot: THERE WAS NO NI- spigot: YES deuce: THAT IS THE SADDEST STORY I'VE EVER HEARD

spigot: ON THE FIRST DAY OF CHRISTMAS MY TRUE LOVE GAVE TO ME spigot: A COCK pants: MAD MONEY DOWNGRADED JERKCITY TO "FAT" FROM "USELESS" !!! SELL SELL SELL spigot: LATER DIPSHITS

deuce: MY NAME'S NOAM CHOMSKY / AND I LIKE TO CHOMP

deuce: MMMMMMMMMMMM YEAH SMEARING, POOING pants: GROSS pants: YET TURNED ON deuce: THAT IS THE NORMAL RESPONSE deuce: EXCEPT FOR THE TURNED ON PART

pants: I LIKE THE NOTION OF ALBERT BROOKS BUT NOT NECESSARILY ALBERT BROOKS IN PRACTICE deuce: THE ABSTRACT CONCEPT OF pants: HAVING HIM AVAILABLE BUT NOT USING HIM deuce: KEEPING HIM ON THE BENCH spigot: THE FUCK IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT

atandt: I'M SMOOSHING THIS HERE TWIX INSIDE THIS ROCKY ROAD MARSHMELLOW CHOCOLATE BAR atandt: THE OBVIOUS END RESULT BEING CHOCOLATE FATNESS spigot: YOU ARE SERIOUSLY DOUBLING OR TRIPLING THE NOUGAT atandt: IT'S NOT THE NOUGAT THAT WORRIES ME spigot: ACROBAT

deuce: T PANTS PLEASE HOLD ME AND NEVER LET ME GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG pants: BARELY SQUEEZING THE O OUT pants: SOMETIMES THE O IS THE HARDEST PART pants: T DEUCE PLEASE DO NOT PUT YOUR HANDS UNDER MY BRA (E.G. PET ON TOP OF THE SWEATER)

atandt: WHEN IS BIG FAGGOTY DICK PART III COMING pants: WHAT DO YOU CARE (SOB) hanford: SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP atandt: WHEN IS "HAIKU WEEK WITH ATANDT" pants: I SEE NO REASON FOR A NAZI SYMBOL TATTOOED ON MY ASS hanford: I HAVE A HANDGUN atandt: I AM NOT A RESOURCE OR A CRITICAL PATH pants: PANEL THREE ALREADY ??? I WAS GOING TO SAY "COCKS" BUT NOW...

pants: the official position of my dong is that it cannot be soft spigot: or do you just pour the cement over her and done

spigot: ICED LEMON POUNDCAKES FROM STARBUCKS ARE BEST STRAIGHT FROM THE BAG BUT THEY NEED TO PUT THEM IN THE RIGHT WAY deuce: NAMELY, ASS-FIRST

pants: WOW, THE OLDEN DAYS SURE DID SUCK deuce: YEP

dick: DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE BIG MEXICAN WHO'S RAPING ME deuce: NO !!!! HOW'S IT GO ??? dick: NOT VERY FUNNY

pants: IT WAS ONLY THE ONE GOAT THE ONE TIME SO SHUT UP

deuce: I IDENTIFY AS A G2 TYPE MAIN SEQUENCE YELLOW DWARF STAR pants: TAKE IT OFF spigot: HANG YOURSELF

spigot: PINK PINK BINK BA-DINK PINK DINK PA-DINK BINK PINK spigot: THE ONE LIGHT ABOVE YOU THAT WILL NOT TURN ON pants: BUZZZZZZZ pants: HUMMMMMMM

spigot: HELLO spigot: CLONK spigot: BONK spigot: HOW DOES THIS WORK spigot: HURP

pants: LIE DOWN AND THINK NICE THOUGHTS AND JUST BE GAY WITH ME spigot: I'M A CLEVER CLEVER MAN pants: JUST STOP LOOKING FOR PIRATE TREASURE AND BE GAY WITH ME spigot: SERIOUSLY THERE ARE PIECES OF EIGHT JINGLE-JANGLING AROUND MY PANTS/SOCKS pants: FINE THEN I'LL FIND SOMEBODY WHO WILL BE GAY WITH ME spigot: IF YOU CAN REACH IN AND GRAB THEM THAT WOULD BE SUPER

deuce: APPEASEMENT ONLY MAKES THE AGGRESSOR MORE AGGRESSIVE pants: I DIDN'T WANT TO LICK HIS DICK ANYWAY

pants: SNIFF : DEUCE COMFORTS PANTS pants: KICKS ROCK, LOOKS AT SHOES pants: DIDN'T WANT NO STUPID OLD DICK ANYWAY

deuce: THE ONE WHERE KIRK AND UHURA KISS spigot: I WOULD LIKE TO FART IN YOUR FACE FOR THE FULL HOUR spigot: $20 $40 $60 $80 ETC deuce: I THINK THAT WOULD BE AT THE $60 LEVEL deuce: OKAY A QUARTER spigot: I'M BROKE deuce: A FREEBIE THEN

spigot: THEY CAN'T RECALL THE ONES IN MY CUPBOARD!!!!!!!! HOMPTH GHLGT)GK spigot: HGURBHJR%JB pants: ARE YOU OKAY spigot: PUFFIES

pants: i'll have the fat boy's asshole (it's the only gluten-free item on the menu) deuce: oh my

spigot: FOLKS THE ONLY MEASURED, LOGICAL RESPONSE IS A JERKCITY CARD GAME WITH A BIG THICK HARDCOVER RULEBOOK RIDDLED WITH INCONSISTENCIES AND IMPOSSIBLE TO FOLLOW OR PLAY CORRECTLY deuce: PSST THOSE ARE MOST CARD GAMES spigot: PLEASE DON'T CONTRADICT ME IN FRONT OF THE WEB CARTOONISTS

spigot: AM I THE ONLY GODDAMN LIAR IN AMERICA STILL LYING spigot: i hope no girls read this

spigot: AM I THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF DRINKING 12 CANS OF GUINNESS BEFORE NOON WHERE'S MY GODDAMN PARADE DOWN QUEER STREET pants: IS THAT THE SAMETHING AS A JUICE CLEANSE

spigot: AM I THE ONLY PERSON ON EARTH WHO DOESN'T THINK YOU SHOULD STUFF DOZENS OF PRUNES UP YOUR REAR END AND THEN BLOG ABOUT IT

pants: GAHHHHH 2019 spigot: i'm still writing i lick dick on my checks spigot: the only place I can blog safely spigot: nope, wells fargo just told everyone

pants: T DEUCE PLEASE DON'T BEAT ME OFF IN ANGER deuce: T PANTS THAT IS THE ONLY WAY I KNOW HOW

pants: LOVE ME LIKE THE SON YOU HUMPED TO DEATH pants: NO THE OTHER ONE pants: YES FINE EITHER ONE THEN

deuce: FORCING MYSELF ON YOU ozone: EATING THE ENTIRE BAG OF COOKIES

ozone: 0003 4707 3EF6 ozone: HMM, THAT MEETING'S STARTED ozone: DO I CARE deuce: EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH SIX MONTHS RUNNING

pants: DOY I'M A PACK-MANG DUH DUH DUH DUH DUH (EACH DUH PUNCTUATES A DOT BEING EATEN) deuce: DUH DUH DUH SPROING OING OING (NOT DOING ANYTHING DIFFERENT) DUH DUH DUH DUH

pants: MY ROPE BROKE

atandt: GREETINGS FELLOW PRESBYTERIANS

spigot: SHUT UP pants: LET MY PEOPLE GO deuce: STEPHEN ROOT AS RICHARD CLARKE ?!?!?! atandt: REMEMBER THE PRIME DIRECTIVE atandt: I P FREELY spigot: HOO FLUNG DOO pants: MOUTH deuce: MOTHER FUCKERS

pants: ARE YOU MEL GIBSON IN THE PATRIOT ??? deuce: I'M THINKING YES

pants: WELL I BOUGHT A PEACOCK ONLINE pants: TURNS OUT THEY ARE A KIND OF BIRD spigot: I TRIED TO TELL YOU pants: CRAIGSLIST DOES NOT TAKE RETURNS

atandt: LIES! deuce: AGREED deuce: I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT atandt: THE STORY ABOUT THE PENGUIN atandt: IT'S NOT TRUE deuce: OH

pants: MY FELLOW AMERICANS pants: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE PENNY ANTE INCIDENT pants: WE ARE NO LONGER ALLOWED TO FILM IN NEW JERSEY pants: APPARENTLY WE GIVE ITALIAN-AMERICANS A BAD NAME pants: REMEMBER THE TIME MY FACE GOT STUCK LIKE THIS pants: LET US LEARN FROM THE FUTURE SO WE CAN LOOK BACK AND URINATE ON THE PAST pants: WHAT HAVE WE LEARNED YOU ASK pants: IT'S WHAT pants: OH PENNY ARCADE pants: THEY ALL LOOK LIKE FUCKING BLOOM COUNTY TO ME pants: NONSENSICAL SYLLABLES AND PREPOSTEROUS GAY ACTS

deuce: I HEREBY DECLARE THE PEOPLES REPUBLIC OF JERKCITY deuce: MASS EXECUTIONS WILL BEGIN SHORTLY

effigy: T DEUCE THE PERFECT HOTDOG = NATHAN'S BUN LENGTH DOG, BOILED IN WATER THAT IS 1/2 AS HIGH AS THE DOG (YOU WANT IT SUPER HOT, AND BLISTERING ON THE OUTSIDE) THEN FRENCH'S MUSTARD ON THE (TOASTED) BUN PUT THE HOT DOG ON THE MUSTARDED BUN, AND SPRINKLE SOME CELERY SALT ON IT NEXT, ADD SOME DILL RELISH (NOT THAT SHITTY SWEET KIND -- FUCKING DILL) ... AND SOME SLICED PEPPERONCINIS EAT THEM WHILE THEY'RE HOT. ALSO, ADD SOME FRENCH'S FRIED ONIONS FOR A PLUS PLUS deuce: I PREFER MILLER'S TO NATHAN'S

deuce: ARE YOU MAKING FUN OF MY INABILITY TO MAINTAIN AN ERECTION WITHOUT THE PERVASIVE SMELL OF TURPENTINE pants: KIND OF

spigot: TO THE GROUND WITH YOU! DOWN -- BEFORE THE MIGHT OF DORMAMMU pants: THE ANCIENT ONE IS SENDING ME A MENTAL SUMMONS ! THE TIME IS AT HAND -- HE WILL CHOOSE THE INSTANT! AND -- HE TELLS ME -- NOW spigot: WHAT IS THIS ?? YOU START TO DRAW BACK -- STRAINING AGINST ME AS IF WITH NEW-FOUND STRENGTH pants: THE TIME FOR PRETENSE IS PAST! spigot: I WANTED TO DO THE HULK VS. THE THING

spigot: OKAY ***NOW*** ARE YOU MARRIED pants: NO pants: I MEAN SURE spigot: GREAT, HERE'S WHAT YOU DO spigot: NEXT TIME YOU'RE SINGING "DANNY BOY" spigot: AND YOU GET TO THE PART ABOUT THE PIPES spigot: ABOUT HOW THE PIPES / THE PIPES / ARE CALLING spigot: ASK YOUR WIFE IF SHE CAN HEAR THIS PIPE CALLING spigot: THEN PUSH HER EAR AGAINST YOUR PENIS spigot: YOU CAN DO THIS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT OR DURING THE DAY

pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL spigot: BE GAY WITH ME OR SHUT UP deuce: NO spigot: HOME TO JERK (SERIOUSLY) deuce: I MEANT OKAY pants: HEY MISTER pants: I PAY THE PISS BILL deuce: WE HEARD YOU THE FIRST TIME