atandt: THE NOTE FOUND IN THE POCKET OF A RUSSIAN SEAMAN atandt: WODKA deuce: HALP atandt: PLEASE TO TELL LENIN THAT IT IS FUCKING COLD deuce: I DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING GET PAID FOR THIS (GLUG)

spigot: WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BURNING MAN PICS?????????? spigot: HERE'S SOME SAND spigot: AGAIN SAND WITH A LITTLE SKY pants: WHAT'S THAT (POINTING) spigot: A WEIRD THING SOMEONE BUILT (YOU CAN SEE THE SAND IN THE BACKGROUND) spigot: MY TENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: NOTE THE HORIZON OF WHERE SAND MEETS SKY spigot: LET'S JUST SAY I'M A MAJOR PLAYA ON THE PLAYA spigot: OKAY THESE ARE PICTURES I GOOGLED

spigot: NOTE TO MYSELF spigot: GLORYHOLES DO NOT MAKE CHANGE spigot: WHERE CAN I WRITE TO GET MY DOLLARS BACK

: Spigot the Bear will be right back after this message from our sponsor spigot: NOTE TO SELF: LICK DICK spigot: NOW WHERE DID I PUT THAT NOTE?????????

spigot: NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT MY BAKERY'S FRESHLY-SOURCED NUTS FROM TURKEY

pants: NOTHING BUT CLEAR SKIES, GAYNESS pants: I LOVE IT pants: MMMMM MMMMMMM KISSING THEIR LITTLE HEADS MMMMM

pants: DINKY DONGS deuce: FROM THIS END THERE'S NOTHING DINKY ABOUT THEM pants: WELL FROM 10,000 FEET THEY'RE PRETTY FUCKING SMALL: I DID THE THING WITH THE LOUNGE CHAIR AND THE BALLOONS AGAIN, THE NAVY IS NOT HAPPY deuce: GODDAMNIT

deuce: CAN GOOGLE SEARCH GET EVEN FUCKING SHITTER DAY BY DAY OR WHAT PEOPLE pants: HERE'S NOTHING LIKE WHAT YOU ASKED FOR

deuce: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I THINK I HAVE AIDS deuce: NOTHING RIGHT deuce: THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT, THANKS

deuce: NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING SHOT AT 9:32 AM spigot: BEFORE YOUR COFFEE

pants: MISTER FROG IS FULL OF HOPS deuce: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH JERKING, ETC.

pants: HTTPS://JERKCITY.COM/TREK.JPG spigot: WELL THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH SULU spigot: HE'S EVEN REACHING FOR A RITALIN

pants: CLOCKWISE HANDJOBS

spigot: I PRAY HE DOESN'T GET ANY ON HER BEAUTIFUL FACE spigot: OH GOD HE DID spigot: AND IT LOOKS LIKE HE DID IT DELIBERATELY

spigot: PENISES LOWKEY HIT DIFFERENT WHEN THEY'RE ERECT spigot: WHAT PENISES GET RIGHT (AND WRONG) ABOUT REAR ENDS spigot: (KLINGON) WE PREFER MONGODB spigot: PUMPING MY GOONSTICK spigot: STUCK A PENIS IN MY MOUTH / AND CALLED IT MACARONI spigot: NOW HIRING DILDO POLISHERS

spigot: NOW I AM BECOME GAY, THE LICKER OF DICKS spigot: NOT A GREAT ARRANGEMENT

pants: NOW I MUST TURN MY BACK ON YOU deuce: SEX OFFENDER REGISTRY, HERE YOU COME

spigot: hot diggity DONGS spigot: D Y S W I D T deuce: no not really spigot: where one might have typed dogs, i avoided tired, wheezing cliched tropes and made a nimble end-run around audience expectation deuce: okay then now I see what you did there

: SUCK IT, FATTY pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR pants: HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK HALUGHALUGHLUBAG HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

spigot: T PANTS NOW LISTEN TO ME (LONG DAVID LYNCH / GORDON COLE PAUSE) spigot: IF I spigot: IF A;LAKSDJF;LAKSDJF

spigot: WE COULD USE YOUR SUPPORT NOW MORE THAN EVER spigot: RE: POST SEPT 11 spigot: IN THESE TURBULENT, CONFUSING, POST SEPT 11 TIMES

deuce: SHOULD I JERK OFF NOW OR LATER deuce: NOW BLBAHLBAHL BALHBAHBHLA BHLBHLABHL deuce: OKAY AND LATER TOO BLAHBLBHLA ABHLLBHBA HLBHABH

deuce: NOW IT WILL PISS UNCONTROLLABLY pants: THEN I WILL NOT FUCK IT

spigot: -. .-. .-. .-. .--. spigot: NOW THAT'S AN OSCILLATOR

pants: COCKS pants: NOW THAT'S JUST pants: YAY ROBOCOP IS ON

spigot: I REMEMBER WHEN DEUCE USED TO BE FUNNY deuce: T SPIGOT NOW THAT'S JUST MEAN-SPIRITED MISTER

pants: AND THEN SUDDENLY 25 YEARS HAD PASSED pants: EH WHAT YOU'LL HAVE TO SPEAK UP I'M A LITTLE OLD MAN IN THIS YEAR OF THE LORD 2023 deuce: KYS pants: CELEBRATION IN THE FORM OF BONEQUEST.FM 24/7 FROM 8/17 TO 8/24 + BONEQUEST.GG NOW AVAILABLE FOR PLAY pants: PLAYING WITH MY GRANDCHILDREN IN THE TOMATO GARDEN, HAVING A HEART ATTACK, SLUMPING TO THE GROUND spigot: MY FAITH-BASED PENIS

spigot: T PANTS CAN YOU PLEASE ASK ME WHAT A VSR IS pants: T SPIGOT WHAT IS A VSR spigot: IT'S A VERY STIFF ROD spigot: NOW WE JUST TAKE A MOMENT spigot: WE GET USED TO IT spigot: WE GET ACCLIMATED TO IT spigot: WE HEAR IT SO MANY TIMES IT'S LOST ANY HUMOROUS MEANING

pants: CANNIBALISTIC HUMANOID UNDERGROUND DWELLER SYNDROME

spigot: I REMEMBER WHEN :TRANSGENDER_FLAG: SYMBOLIZED A PERFECT SWIRL OF AQUAFRESH ON MY TOOTHBRUSH pants: PEOPLE LIKE YOU WHO ABUSE THE SYSTEM MAKE ME SICK deuce: WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SET UP A STRUGGLE SESSION FOR THIS pants: MAYBE WRAP ME IN A RUG UNTIL I CALM DOWN deuce: YOU'LL FREAK OUT AT FIRST SINCE YOU CAN'T MOVE YOUR ARMS BUT EVENTUALLY YOU'LL CALM DOWN pants: ANYTHING TO KEEP ME FROM FLAPPING INTO THE BARE LIGHTBULB

deuce: DON'T TRIP AND CHOKE YOUR OWN COCK DOWN pants: NOW YOU TELL ME

deuce: piss pants: now you're talking!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! about piss

spigot: CHOCOLATE | SHOPPING | BATHING SUITS | NUTRASWEET | GAG FACTOR

spigot: DAY SIX: WHEEZING A LITTLE BIT spigot: DAY SEVEN: COCK AND NUTS FELL OFF IN THE TOILET spigot: DAY EIGHT: MOSTLY JUST TIRED

spigot: I CAME HERE TO LICK DICK AND SUCK PRICK AND I'M NOWHERE NEAR BEING ALL OUT OF EITHER ONE SO I'M ALL GOOD HERE deuce: ROGER THAT

deuce: BWOOP BWOOP deuce: BWOOP BWOOP / PULL UP deuce: BWOOP BWOOP / PULL UP

deuce: I'M JOINING A NUDIST COLONY deuce: GETTING KICKED OUT OF SAID COLONY FOR UNSPECIFIED REASONS

pants: THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF PROSTITUTION

pants: ORGIE PORGIE GIVES RELEASE deuce: ORGIE PORGIE WAS FRAMED pants: NUGGGH

deuce: IF I COULD BE ANY KIND OF SET I'D BE THE NULL SET deuce: I TAKE IT BACK: I'D BE A SINGLET OF YOUR CHOICE

spigot: SHOUTOUT TO EVERYONE HOLDING MY PENIS RIGHT NOW deuce: NULL SET spigot: I'M HOLDING IT FOR A FRIEND

pants: FUCK MY FACE NUMB PLEASE pants: SINCE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT pants: AND WHAT HAVE YOU deuce: SOME MANNER OF GAY RESPONSE

.(pants): OKAY I'M THINKING OF A NUMBER: 9 atandt: NINE .(pants): OH MY GOD YOU REALLY CAN HEAR MY THOUGHTS atandt: YES I REALLY CAN .(pants): HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING atandt: DUDE I KEEP TELLING YOU THIS IS A COMIC STRIP YOU'RE NOT REAL

effigy: ...UPDATING MY GRINDR PROFILE, SHOULD I PUT "SHITTING" AS MY NUMBER ONE HOBBY, OR KEEP IT AT NUMBER TWO..? spigot: AT LEAST SAY YOU RATED POOS FOR ROTTEN.COM

deuce: AIR FORCE 1 deuce: I CHOOSE NOT TO SPELLTHE NUMERAL OUT deuce: AND THAT MAKESME A TERRORIST pants: BOMBING YOUINTO THE DUST

deuce: I GOTTA LEARN HOW TO FOLD THE AMERICAN FLAG LIKE THAT spigot: WAVE ME (I'M FLUTTERING) spigot: THEY'RE NUNS AND THEY SING AND THERE'S IMPROV deuce: SNORING spigot: WAKE UP AND WATCH THE NUNSENSE deuce: ZZZ

spigot: VERY EXCITED ABOUT SEEING "NUNSENSE" AT THE COW PALACE spigot: THEY'RE NUNS AND THEY SING AND DANCE AROUND spigot: AND THERE'S A LOT OF IMPROV spigot: ONLY IF IT WERE ME... spigot: I'D CALL IT "NUTSENSE" spigot: WHERE PEOPLE SING AND DANCE AROUND THEN WAIL ON MY NUTS WITH A BAT FOR HALF AN HOUR spigot: AND SOME IMPROV deuce: I THREW UP

pants: AUUUGH pants: SOMEBODY CRASHED A PLANE INTO JERKCITY pants: I'M BURNING

spigot: APPLYING THE PADDLES spigot: CLEAR spigot: ABHABLHALBHALBHLAHBLAHHBLA

spigot: T KELLOGGS DO YOU HAVE TO CALL IT NUT CRUNCH spigot: IS THERE NO OTHER

spigot: OKAY YOU PROMISED A TRIP TO THE DEANZA FLINT CENTER FOR A PERFORMANCE OF THE NUTCRACKER AND THIS IS HARDLY A SUBSTITUTE pants: IT'S ALL I COULD AFFORD

net: I AM PART OF THE COMMITTEE FOR PLACING NUTS ON TOP OF OTHER NUTS net: YOU HAVE MY PERSONAL GUARANTEE OF SAFETY AND/OR SATISFACTION net: CMON PUT 'EM RIGHT HERE net: SOMEDAY THAT LINE WILL WORK

pants: NOW IS A GOOD TIME TO REVISIT MY NUTS AND BALLS deuce: WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME pants: NUTS AND BALLS

pants: ERSTWHILE deuce: HERETOFORE pants: GASSY deuce: EBULLIENT spigot: HOMPH HOMPH HOW MANY FRIES AM I HOLDING UP

pants: THE JERKCITY ARTICLE ON WIKIPEDIA NEEDS MORE REFERENCES

deuce: SURE COULD USE SOME NUTSCRAPING spigot: THANKSI DON'T DANCE

pants: THE PANTS MANAGEMENT BLOG deuce: THE DEUCE LEADERSHIP SUMMIT spigot: SPIGOT IN REPOSE hanford: DIARRHEA

pants: 7/4 IS A SATURDAY deuce: Y pants: WE SHOULD PROBABLY CHECK THE MATH: 7/4 -> 1.75 deuce: CHECKS OUT pants: LOOKS GOOD

spigot: PLEASE RISE FOR THE NATIONAL ANTHEM OF BONEQUEST pants: AGAIN???

pants: I CAN'T SEE WITH THIS BLINDING WHITE LIGHT pants: I DON'T WANT TO GO TO HEAVEN NOW !!! MY WORK IS NOT DONE HERE !!! pants: AT LEAST PUT ME BACK ON EARTH IN THE BODY OF A COCKSUCKER

.(spigot): I'M A TAMAGOCHI spigot: BEEP BEEP BEEP (spigot): DICKS spigot: BEEP BEEP BEEP spigot: DEAD

pants: WHAT THAT MAN DID IS UNFORGIVABLE spigot: I MEAN THIS IN THE NICEST POSSIBLE WAY, CAN YOU SUCK MY DICK QUIETER pants: DO YOU STILL WANT ME TO HUM THE NATIONAL ANTHEM spigot: AND NOW YOU'RE KINDA TALKIN' OVER FRASIER

pants: 3-D BARCODE DO NOT WRITE IN THIS SPACE deuce: MY LINKED LIST LOOKUP IS O(E^N)

deuce: T PANTS MY BALLS ARE O(N) pants: T DEUCE MMM

pants: SLIGHTLY DAMAGED deuce: VERY MESSY BUT SERVICEABLE pants: ONE DOLLAR OR BEST OFFER deuce: COULD BE USED IN EMERGENCIES

pants: I'M PANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: HERE TO LICK DICK !!!! DICK AND pants: I'M SO VERY VERY TIRED spigot: T PANTS USE MACROS AND PRE-RECORDED MATERIAL pants: HOW SO spigot: TO CREATE THE ILLUSION THAT YOU STILL GIVE A SHIT pants: AH spigot: JUST PHONE IT IN LIKE DEPECHE MODE pants: OR THAT BITCH ANN COULTER pants: OBSCENE GERUND spigot: WHY CAN'T YOU SIT STILL pants: VICODIN, BONGHITS, ESPRESSO, CHERRY COKES spigot: CHERRY COKES WILL MAKE YOU GAY pants: WAIT I'M NOT DONE spigot: OR IN YOUR CASE pants: CRACK (NOT MUCH, JUST A LITTLE), DEXATRIM spigot: MY GOD YOU'VE ROLLED OVER TO 000000 spigot: YOU'RE PRACTICALLY REPUBLICAN AT THIS POINT pants: DID YOU EVEN RUN LDCONFIG?!?!?

deuce: WE WILL CELEBRATE WITH A BONGHIT

deuce: at the weed store do they sell (checks script, obviously ridiculous reading glasses) weed pants: i sure hope so pants: the last time it was just weird gay porn and gross sex toys and booths for watching videos deuce: can't help but try again!!!

pants: T DEUCE DISNEYLAND THEN ????? deuce: T PANTS AS LONG AS I GET TO BE ON TOP pants: T DEUCE UH pants: T DEUCE OKAY pants: T DEUCE I HAD YOU DOWN FOR THAT SLOT ANYWAY pants: ODD HOW THINGS JUST WORK OUT

pants: DOWN ME IN ONE GULP deuce: YOU WILL TAKE AT LEAST 2, ODDS ARE GOOD 3 deuce: EXPECTATION VALUE: 2.83

pants: SOMETIMES WHEN I TAKE BONGHITS I SEE FRACTALS ozone: YOU GAIN EXPERIENCE POINTS EACH TIME THAT HAPPENS pants: OTHER TIMES I GET THE BUZZIES atandt: WHICH ONE ARE YOU AGAIN pants: THIS TIME IT'S JUST THE MUNCHIES hanford: WHY ARE YOUR PUPILS DILATED (ALL NINE OF THEM)

pants: TWITTER!!!!!!!!!!!! pants: WOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOH pants: FUCK YEAH WOOOO OOOOOOH MASTURBATING TO THE UNMASTURBATABLE

spigot: DONGS??!??! EXHAUSTED spigot: REALLY QUITE HURRRRRRRRRR TIRED ozone: MEMORY: REAL: 14M/54M ACT/TOT FREE: 445M SWAP: 0K/1260M USED/TOT spigot: I DON'T GET OZONE'S JOKES

pants: SUCKING DICK IN THE TOMB OF JESUS

deuce: VISCERA WAS FOUNDED IN 1980 AS A LITERARY GUILD FOR HOMOSEXUAL WRITERS WITH AN INTEREST IN GAY VAMPIRE FICTION. WE NOW MAINTAIN THE BAY AREA'S LARGEST QUEER-BASED CONTEMPORARY EXPERIMENTAL LIBRARY OF ALL THINGS GAY AND VAMPIRE-RELATED! spigot: OF ALL THE SHIT IN THAT PARAGRAPH TO MAKE ME LAUGH IN 2017: spigot: BAY AREA

: His listeners have found a personal revelation in what he has to say deuce: I HAVE A HANGOVER I THINK I DRANK TOO MUCH spigot: I'M A HONEY OF AN O

spigot: OF COURSE AMERICANS AREN'T STOCKPILING BIDETS

deuce: I'M NOT LISTENING pants: of course you are, don't be silly

dick: HMM IF A SIAMESE TWIN JERKS HIS BROTHER OF IS IT STILL MASTURBATING??????? FUCKING FAGGOTS spigot: WHY IS THE GARAGE FILLING UP WITH PORN

pants: A BUTTHOLE OF MY OWN pants: NO, NO, LET’S GO WITH: pants: A BUTTHOLE OF ONE’S OWN pants: CHEF'S KISS deuce: A BUTTHOLE TOCALL ONE'S OWN deuce: LET'S COMMITTEE THIS MOTHERFUCKER INTO THE GROUND pants: CAN WE GET THE PRETENTIOUS PART BEFORE THE CRUDE PART SOMEHOW pants: SO THEN THE BUTTHOLE REALLY HITS YOU IN THE FACE deuce: ONE'S OWN BUTTHOLE pants: I DON’T THINK THERE’S ONE RIGHT ANSWER pants: WE DON’T HAVE A BUDGET, WE CAN GO WITH ALL THE OPTIONS

spigot: ON A SCALE OF YELLOW TO BROWN, YELLOW BEING TINKLE spigot: WHAT CAN I SAY, I'M A HAND HUMPING LOSER AND MY GANG SIGN IS LITERALLY MAKING AN L ON MY HEAD spigot: CAN YOU SEE ME WIGGLING A PINKY FINGER INDICATING MY SAD, SMALL PENIS deuce: BROWN

pants: CRAMCHEESE pants: NOT AS VIOLENT AS IT COULD BE pants: WHICH LENDS ITSELF TO THE GOOD BOOK pants: I HAVE SEEN MANY AN UNLICKED DICK IN MY LIFETIME pants: COLD pants: HUNGRY DICKS pants: WE MUST NOT LET THIS HAPPEN IN OUR AMERICA pants: I'LL TAKE UNLICKED DICKS OVER BURNING DOWN THE MALL THANKS pants: I'LL TAKE UNLICKED DICKS FOR $200 pants: I'LL TAKE UNLICKED DICKS UNDER MY WING AND SHOW THEM THE WAY OF THE WORLD pants: WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT A SCRIPT NOW

spigot: I DON'T WANT TO GET OFF ON A RANT HERE BUT spigot: DICKS DICKS DICKS spigot: DID NOT GET OFF ON IT

spigot: folks I don't want to get off on a rant here . . . . . . . . . . . . spigot: . . . . . . . so I'll just be quiet for the remainder of the afternoon / early evening

deuce: WE'VE GOT TONE AND BARS pants: HOOOOOOOOOO COUGH COUGH COUGH OOOOOOOOOOOO

deuce: ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS: DICKS pants: OFF TO A GOOD START

spigot: IS TODAY STILL A THING pants: I GUESS

deuce: GIVE INTO THE GAY SIDE spigot: I'VE GOT TO GET ORGANIZED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! spigot: HONK spigot: OFFICE HUMOR deuce: RRRRRRRRRRRRR

spigot: where's the official bq app that takes your photo and draws FAG across the bottom with an up arrow

deuce: MY CROTCHABLE AREA IS OFFICIALLY A HOOTENANNY

deuce: FOLKS I'M OFFICIALLY COMING OUT AS ***STRAIGHT*** pants: HOLY GOD MISTER deuce: I MEAN ***BORED*** pants: CAN I GO HOME NOW

deuce: I am officially fat deuce: no clothes fit well, I constantly feel uncomfortable deuce: welp, better eat something

pants: I'M OFFICIALLY TIRED OF THE WORD "TROPES" spigot: HOW ABOUT BESPOKE

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: EITHER I CAN GET DICK HERE OR I CAN'T spigot: STOP NICKEL AND DIMING ME ALREADY

spigot: OH BOY HERE'S SPIGOT AGAIN spigot: PISS : SPIGOT LEAVES

deuce: OH CHRIST FUCK YOU'RE STUFFING ME IN THE GENIE LAMP

pants: HURRRRRRRRRRR pants: MY SMOOTH BONER pants: YOU'VE DISHONORED THIS TALKER AND THIS MUD AND THIS MOO pants: NOW YOU MUST PAY pants: PREPARE TO DIE pants: OF ALL THE NERVE pants: WHAT A REVOLTING DEVELOPMENT pants: OH CRUEL FATE

spigot: PLEASE PASS THE VEGAN APPLE PRUNECAKE spigot: OH DEAR I DROPPED IT AND STEPPED ALL OVER IT AND GOT PIZZA HUT spigot: :MANS_SHOE: ONE MORE SMOOSH BECAUSE FUCK YOU